Epic Sitch: Big Monkey on Campus
by MrDrP
Summary: Academic food chains. Whack villains. Evil roommates. Tests. Surprises. Bananas. More surprises. It's freshman year at Middleton College for Kim and Ron. Chapter Thirteen. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Greetings, dear readers. I know that many of you have been waiting for _Epic Sitch Eye Eye_. That's still coming. Until then, please enjoy _Epic Sitch: Big Monkey on Campus,_ which takes place during Kim and Ron's first year at Middleton College.

BTW, if you'd like to know how this and other stories I've written fit into the _Epic Sitch_ timeline, please visit my author's profile which now has a handy chronology and family tree.

Thanks to campy for his ever-valuable proofing and beta services.

Write a review, get a response.

If you saw it on _KP_, it belongs to Disney.

* * *

I. 

She felt like a sheep, a crushing sheep.

She hadn't felt this way about someone in a very long time. All she could do was think about him. About his piercing eyes. His deep, basso voice. His short brown hair. His strong jaw. His distinctive personality.

She hadn't been looking for a new relationship. She thought she'd be satisfied with the one true great love of her life.

But that was before she went to the Foody Faire.

It had happened in Aisle Six, by the cereal. She was reaching for a carton of Bran Nuggets and a box fell to the floor. She reached down to pick it up, but before she could, he had retrieved it for her.

She could still get a frisson of pleasure from the memory of how their eyes had locked. There had been an awkward silence, then some hemming and hawing. And then they began to talk.

Politely, diffidently even, he asked if she might like to go to Charluck's for a cup of coffee. She didn't hesitate to accept his invitation. He had been such a gentleman that day – and every day since.

She knew she was in love.

And she would have to tell Ron.

II.

Ron Stoppable, Middleton College freshman, sat on the couch munching away at cheese and crackers. If pressed, he would have admitted to being satisfied with the selection: he enjoyed the Edam, and the Cheddar was outstanding; the Stilton, however, was most definitely not to his liking. Had Rufus been asked his opinion of that famous English cheese, the naked mole rat would surely have said "Ewww! Stinky!" and Ron would have agreed.

As Ron reached for more snackage, he glanced at the other students. All of them, Kim Possible included, seemed mesmerized by their host. Ron, however, wasn't. That was because he really wasn't sure what the guy was talking about. All he knew for certain was that the academic had a pretty high opinion of himself. Ron had known way too many full-of-themselves guys over the years not to recognize one immediately, and so felt little need to pay attention.

Ron thought of the _Exterminator II_ premier he was missing. Kim had known how much he had wanted to see the latest Jimmy Blamhammer production. But she had received this invitation to a small gathering at the home of her international relations professor, who was on a first-name basis with the previous President of the United States, and she so wanted to go. He'd resigned himself to seeing the film on his own, but she made it clear that she wanted Ron with her. That meant a lot to him – even more than seeing a movie starring the governor of California playing a rampaging, cigar-smoking, girlie-man-crushing destroyer of French-speaking synthodrones. For while Ron Stoppable may have been a lowly frosh, struggling in his classes, he felt he was the Big Man On Campus because he was Kim Possible's boyfriend. And, much to his constant bafflement, she seemed to revel in their status as a couple as much as he did. So, when she asked him to join her at her professor's, he readily agreed.

Kim and Ron had been a couple for more than a year and a half and best friends for more than fourteen. Of course they had the odd tiff and difference of opinion, which was to be expected in a relationship of such duration. Too, they were still young and adjusting to college life and they were both in their first serious relationship. Ron also had the added pressures of trying to rebuild a business, one that had been destroyed the spring of their senior year of high school by none other than Dr. Drakken.

Ron found himself reflecting on how he and his pretty, smart, multi-talented, world-saving best friend girlfriend had been successfully navigating these obstacles in addition to a variety of other challenges as they deepened and explored their relationship. As he popped some Havarti into his mouth, he concluded that life was good, very good, if a bit stress-filled and devoid of an action-movie premiere. He had a board full of quality cheese before him and an auburn-haired beauty by his side. _Yes, it's good to be the Ronman_, he thought.

"… Definitely need for more regulation of business; only the government can ensure the proper distribution of resources …"

Ron found himself jolted from his reverie. "Uh, excuse me?" he asked, hesitantly.

Kim looked at her best friend boyfriend, surprised to hear him speak. He'd been quiet all evening, seemingly content with snacking. She felt a twinge of shame as she found herself hoping he wasn't about to say something, well, Ronnish.

"Yes, Mr. Stoppable?" the professor responded.

Ron thought the man's tone rather condescending, though he was willing to give the guy points for remembering his name.

"Did you just say there needs to be more regulation?" Ron asked.

"Yes. Of course," the professor answered.

"Of course … why?"

"Why?

"Yeah, why?"

"Because business can't be trusted."

"Ah, I see," Ron said coolly. "You know, I'm 'business'," he said, making air quotes. "Badical Burrito? You might remember it? Home of the Kimarito and other bon-diggity Tex-Mex treats, not to mention the only restaurant in the history of Middleton to be vaporized by an orbiting ray gun?"

The professor smiled. "Yes, how could I forget …" he said while making a face that made clear that while he may have heard of BB he had a more sophisticated palate, would never have dined there, and thought the eatery's destruction was not that great a loss.

"Yeah, well you know what it takes to actually build something in this town? How many permits I have to file? How many meetings I have to attend? I know the guys at the planning board so well that they're kind of like my peeps now."

"Well, Ron, that's part of being a responsible business person," the academic said in a tone usually reserved by parents for willfully obtuse children.

"No, Professor," Ron shot back. "That's two kids who don't get a job because I'm paying for some fancy-pants lawyer to push paper to keep somebody's cousin at City Hall in a job."

"Perhaps you could keep a little less for yourself, hire those kids, and still meet your obligations," the professor said in silken tones.

Kim found herself watching with horrid fascination as Ron became visibly agitated. She felt bad for him. But she also wondered if he was overreacting.

"You ever have a real job?" Ron asked.

_Okay, now he's overreacting_, Kim thought. "Ron!" she hissed.

"What?" the academic asked, surprised.

"You know, one without life-time job protection? You ever have to meet a payroll? Deal with suppliers? I work hard for my money. Why should the government have the right to just take it away?" Ron asked, his annoyance showing. "Sorry, Prof, I'm not buying. We need less government, not more of it."

"Ron, maybe when you're older and a bit more experienced, you'll see things differently. Government does a lot of good."

"He's right about that, Ron," Kim said, resting her hand on his arm.

Ron stared incredulously at his BFGF. "You're on his side?"

"Ron, it's not about sides," she replied, somewhat exasperated.

"No, I'm sure it's not, KP," Ron said, a little more sharply than he intended. "But let's go to the video tape. Kim Possible, teen hero, saves the world what, about 100 times, over the last five years. Why? Because the stupid government can't do its job!"

"Ron …" Kim growled.

"You want Global Justice coming to your rescue?" he asked as he turned back to his host. Before the man could utter a word, Ron answered for him. "I don't think so. When you're in trouble, you're going to call Kim or Team Impossible to take care of your evil problem."

"That only means there's a lot of evil to go around. Maybe there'd be less if we started to look at the root causes rather than wait to react to each situation," the professor suggested.

"Root causes," Ron sneered. "I'll give you root causes: whack bad guys with dreams of ruling the world. Two words: EEE—VILLLL. End of story."

"Now, Ron, you know it's not that simple …"

"Oh really? Let's see. Let's try Drakken. What was his root cause? Hmmm," Ron mused, exaggerating the gestures of thoughtfulness. "Oh yeah. His college buds laughed at him when he couldn't get a date …"

Kim was cringing; Ron was most definitely making a scene. She actually agreed with a lot of what he was saying; there was a reason she declined Betty Director's offer of a formal position with GJ. But this was her professor. And these were her classmates, some of the college's brightest students. She had been honored when she, a first-year student, had been allowed to enroll in the seminar, which was usually reserved for juniors and seniors. And now everyone was staring at Ron, mouths agape, as if he were the village madman running down the streets stark naked.

"… You know what, Prof?" Ron continued. "You can sit here and talk all about root causes all you want. KP and me, we've actually dealt with Evil Incorporated."

Kim's professor was offended by how Ron, a lowly freshman, was challenging him; over the last twenty years, the man had grown accustomed to student adulation. But over that time he'd also learned to control his temper, a byproduct of attending many venomous faculty meetings. He was prepared to give Ron the rope with which he could hang himself.

"Ron, I can see you're upset," he said sympathetically. "Understandably so, in light of your injury …"

Ron bristled. He was still very sensitive about his leg, which had been seriously injured during the climactic battle on the Drake Star, the hijacked, modified space station from which Drakken, then Bonnie Rockwaller, had planned to seize control of the Earth the previous spring. Ron was walking with a cane and a very pronounced limp. The young man who once confidently sauntered down the street now practically dragged his right leg behind him. He'd been told that despite the strides he was making doing physical therapy he would never walk perfectly again. It still remained an open question as to whether he'd be able to go back into the field with Kim, which was a source of immense frustration to him, even as she said she'd permanently give up her hero work if he were unable to resume his place as her partner.

She saw how tense Ron had become. She squeezed his arm again but he shrugged her off.

He looked at the older man through narrowed eyes. "Don't talk down to me."

"What?" the professor asked, taken aback.

"You heard me, dude. Don't talk down to me. Not until you get off your butt, get out of this ivory tower, and get your hands dirty," Ron said, rising from his seat. "KP, I'm outta here."

Ron grabbed his cane and, as best he could, stalked out of the room and the house.

III.

"You could have stood up for me!" Ron said heatedly.

"Ron, you were so out of control in there!" Kim responded, trying both to reason with her boyfriend and control her temper.

"Oh really? Let's see: I was right, he was clueless and you were silent!"

"Ron, whether you were right is so not the point. You were ferociously rude!"

"I was rude? He talked to me like I was an idiot!"

"Well, if you didn't behave like one …"

"What? Oh, I'm sooooo sorry if I embarrassed you in front of your big-shot professor and smarty-pants upperclassmen friends."

"I didn't say that, Ron," Kim growled, though truth be told, he had done exactly that, though the person's opinion who still mattered most to her was the tow-haired, large-eared, freckled young man before her. She could still be amazed at how much weight his words carried with her.

"Yeah, well it sure felt that way. You know, KP, this is like the college version of high school. It feels like the food chain all over again, except this time it's brains."

Kim stared at Ron. "I cannot believe you! That is so not fair!"

"Oh yeah? Then why'd you sit there nodding like a bobblehead when Pompous Poindexter just babbled on about stuff he knows nothing about?" Ron asked, waving his hands in the air.

"I so did not nod like a bobblehead!" Kim snapped. "And maybe he's not completely clueless, Ron; he was an advisor to the President of the United States. I know that may not be as impressive as inventing the Naco, but it should count for something. You know, even you could learn something. Unless you're going to tell me that you're suddenly maintaining a perfect GPA."

Ron snorted. "You know what, Kim, if anybody here needs to learn something, it's you. Like Dr. Strangelove was giving you the eye tonight."

"Ron, that is ridiculous …" she said with a roll of the eyes before a look of dawning awareness spread across her face. "This is unbelievable! You're jelling. You're actually jelling over my professor! Don't tell me you actually think I'd leave you to have some fling with a teacher …"

Ron thought no such thing and was just about to de-escalate when Kim barreled on.

"… You know, Ron, you can be so ferociously insecure at times. Maybe it's time for you to grow up!"

"Grow up? Look who's talking!" Until that moment, Ron had thought nothing of the fact that while Kim was leading the life of a normal college freshman, including joining clubs and participating in extracurricular activities, he was spending almost every free moment he had outside of classes and time he spent with her trying to get the Badical Burrito back in business. Ron had always thought college was going to be a blast, one never-ending party like the ones he'd seen and finally attended during the trip he took to Florida with the Possibles during his and Kim's sophomore year of high school; instead, his freshman year had turned out to be filled with tests, papers, and planning board meetings. Somehow, he realized, he'd gone from seventeen to middle-aged. "Which one of us is actually trying to run a business," he jabbed, "and which one of us is a, a … cheerleader?" he asked dismissively.

Kim's eyes grew wide. "You are such the jerk!"

"Hmmmph. I'm a jerk? Then maybe you should just go hang with your smart peeps back there, you, you brain snob!"

Kim stared at her BFBF, unable to believe he was saying such hurtful things. Through gritted teeth, she hissed, "Maybe I will, _Ronald!"_

Then she turned and walked towards her professor's house.

"Yeah, well you go do that," Ron yelled at Kim's receding back, before storming off himself.

IV.

Kim didn't return to her instructor's home; she knew she was far too angry to enjoy anyone's company. Instead, livid, she stalked back to her room. She could not believe that Ron had spoken to her that way. He was supposed to be her BFBF, her best friend boyfriend. He was supposed to _love_ her.

_But if he really does love me_, she asked herself as she began an internal rant, _is that any way for him to treat me? I cannot believe he called me a Brain Snob! What, am I only supposed to hang out with dummies? It's not my fault if he doesn't feel comfortable around my classmates_. _And I can't believe Captain Video Game had the nerve to tell me that I need to grow up! He's the one who's such a … child! I mean, to think someone like my professor would hit on me! I can't believe I actually talked to Ron about getting married someday! He so needs to grow up._

Kim noticed the print of the junior prom picture of her and Ron, wondering where that loving, goofy guy had gone. Somehow, he'd been replaced by a full-of-himself Donald Trump-wannabe; sure, he spent time with her and was actually taking his schoolwork seriously, but all he seemed to want to do was spend time at his stupid BB. Feeling wounded and angry, she threw the photo into her desk drawer. Then for good measure, she tossed the rare Cuddle Buddies he'd given her in with the picture, too, before slamming the drawer shut.

V.

_Fourteen years and that's what I get?_ an outraged Ron thought. He couldn't believe Kim had said those things – done those things. Just turned on him. It was like Monkey Boy all over again. _To think she thought I thought she'd cheat on me? That is so incredibly wrong-sick! But ignore me, take me for granted, well, it's not like we haven't been there before!_ he thought sourly.

Ron felt like he had been killing himself, that he was barely keeping his head above water. And it was all for Kim, all so she wouldn't be embarrassed by her boyfriend the dummy. He was slaving away at the business so they'd have the money that would allow her to do the things she wanted do when they graduated. But did she know that? Did she even care? Nooooo! She was Kim Possible, the girl who could do anything. Even be a lousy best friend and a lousy girlfriend. He looked around the room, then tossed her picture in a drawer. _You wanna look at me, KP, you'd better say 'sorry' first._

VI.

Kim sat on her bed, her knees pulled up to her chin, and scowled. She stared ahead, shooting daggers at the door as it closed behind the receding figure. It was bad enough that Ron had been such the world-class jerk, but to then have to deal with her roommate Ashley was just too much. Kim was angry with Monique for moving to Paris, Tara for enrolling at Upperton, and Justine for taking that teaching position at MIT, leaving her to live with the witch she'd been assigned by the Housing Office. Kim was furious with her roommate for goading her and furious with herself for letting the snooty girl get to her.

Ashley Maynard had two great hobbies. The first seemed to be making out with every available guy at Middleton College. The other was taunting Kim.

It was only after her arrival at the College that Kim began to understand that there were people other than Bonnie Rockwaller who resented her and couldn't care less about all the times she'd saved the world. Kim had never sought recognition, though she had to admit she enjoyed it. But that guilty pleasure aside, all she ever really wanted to do was help people, and so it hurt that there were those who questioned her motives. Some saw her as a publicity hound who, in her quest for glory and fame, had no qualms about making law enforcement personnel look bad at their jobs. Others were convinced that she was actually on the payroll of the CIA, or because she was dating Ron, who was Jewish, the Israeli Mossad. She'd been mortified on Registration Day when she was greeted by some students carrying banners that declared her to be an "Agent of Imperialism" – though that wasn't as bad as being publicly accused by a professor of being a covert operative for the government; that had made for an interesting in-class discussion. Finally, there were those who liked to play armchair psychologist, who wondered about what drove Kim to do battle with whack villains on a regular basis. The worst of those were the ones who speculated that it had to do with sublimated desires to be with Shego.

Ashley fell into the third camp. Personally, Kim had no problem with girls who liked girls; she just knew she wasn't one of them. She'd always liked guys and had absolutely no interest in women that way. If people wanted to think otherwise, all of the evidence to the contrary, that was their problem. Kim just thought the idea of kissing another girl was gorchy. But that was easy to ignore. Far different, and truly sickening to her, was the idea of kissing her enemy. Why anyone would think she'd ever want to be intimate with someone who had tried to kill her on more than one occasion was beyond comprehension, and a source of aggravation since it bespoke a belief that she was seriously unbalanced.

When Kim stormed into her room and Ashley oh-so-innocently asked what was bothering her, Kim, without thinking snapped, "I had a fight with Ron, okay?"

"Oh?"

"Yes, he's being an immature jerk. You happy?"

"Don't look at me, Possible," Ashley said. "What makes you happy is your business. But maybe you should think about why you fought. Maybe it's because you and that dork aren't compatible. Maybe, sub-consciously, you're pushing him aside because you want to be with your true soul-mate, Shego."

Kim rolled her eyes and groaned in frustration, "How many times do I have to tell you that I don't like Shego?"

"Sure you don't, Possible," the girl from Upperton Heights said as she got up to leave the room. "I can understand why you'd be embarrassed by your feelings. Supposed teen hero in love with her arch foe, the master criminal who tried to take over the world. Mix in some weird bondage stuff. Definitely not good for your precious reputation. Well, I won't be back tonight, so if you finally want to face facts and have your dream girl over, be my guest!"

Kim could hear Ashley's taunting laughter through the closed door as her roommate made her way down the corridor. Seething, Kim hurled Pandaroo at the door, then glared at her Kimmunicator, hoping Wade would call. She was so in the mood to roundhouse somebody.

VII.

Ron, slack-jawed, stared at his mother.

His whole world seemed to be spinning uncontrollably off its axis. First there was the argument with Kim the previous evening. He was still feeling burned by that. But now there was this news, this grande-sized bombshell, from his mother. It wasn't that Ron didn't want her to be happy; he did. And he knew his father, who had passed away during the spring of Ron's senior year of high school, wouldn't have begrudged her this unexpected development; it had just happened and Ron knew Don Stoppable would be pleased for the woman he loved. But of all the guys in Middleton …

"Steve Barkin?" he asked incredulously.

"He's a wonderful man, Ronnie. Polite, caring, sensitive."

"Sensitive?" Ron said, blinking his eyes. "Did you say _sensitive?_"

"Yes," she said, bristling. "Sensitive. He likes Jane Austen …"

_Rugby-playing, muscles-define-the-man, I'd-rather-be-in-combat Steve Barkin liked Jane Austen?_ Ron thought, convinced that reality as he knew it was indeed coming to an end.

"… And I love his deep, manly voice. When he purrs …"

"TMI, Mom!" Ron said, waving his hands wildly, trying to ward off images that he felt no one should have to contemplate. To Ron, Steve Barkin being romantic just seemed as believable as a friendly, well-intentioned garden gnome.

"Ronnie, please give him a chance," Barbara Jo said as she reached across the kitchen table. "I know the two of you didn't always get along when you were in high school, but being with him makes me happy. I never imagined anyone could make me feel this way again."

Ron sighed. "Okay, Mom. You win. I'll try to keep an open mind about this. But let's get one thing clear: if you two ever get married, he does not get some special step-dad right to give me detention!"

Barbara Jo Stoppable smiled. "Deal. Now, I was wondering if you and Kim could come over for dinner later this week. I thought it would be nice for the four of us to spend some time together."

Ron scowled. "I'll be here. Don't know about Kim," he said sullenly.

"Ronnie, did you two have a fight?"

"No, she has a bad case of Food Chain Syndrome and until she gets over it, I'm not talking to her."

"Ronnie, you know …"

"Mom, not now," he cut her off. "I don't want to talk about this."

Barbara Jo, seeing the expression on her son's face, relented. She just hoped Kim and Ron would make up, and soon. She knew Ron would be lost without Kim, even if he didn't want to admit it. And after spending so many months feeling lost without Don, she didn't want her boy to experience the same emptiness. Still, she recognized that Ron would have to figure this one out on his own.

VIII.

After spending the better part of the day pounding the pavement, then hitting, punching, and kicking things at the gym, Kim had gone home for Sunday dinner. She had hoped spending some time with her mom and dad would cheer her up, but found it was all too easy to wallow in her own anger and self-pity. She still couldn't believe that Ron had accused her of being a brain snob. And the Food Chain crack had been crushing.

She was satisfied when her parents agreed that Ron had clearly lost his temper and acted poorly the previous evening. James in particular had not been happy that Ron had yelled at his daughter. Ann didn't seem pleased either, which was why Kim was taken by surprise when she began to suggest that perhaps she, too, might have been at fault.

Kim lost no time in cutting off her mother.

"I so don't need you to defend Ron, Mom. He was such the jerk."

"That may be true, dear, but he does have a point. You have been known to worry about the Food Chain," Ann said reasonably.

"You know, Kimmie-cub, as ticked as I am with Ronald for saying those things to you, I have to agree with your mother," James added.

Stunned, then angry, she glared at her parents. "I cannot believe you two! You're as bad as Ron."

Without another word, Kim got up from the table, left her childhood home, stomped all the way back to her dorm room, changed back into her gym clothes, and returned to the campus athletic center to resume her abuse of the punching bag and other pieces of defenseless gym equipment.

IX.

"Yo, Stoppable, what up?" Felix Renton asked as he wheeled into their room on Monday morning, returning from a weekend out of town. Neither he nor Ron had Monday morning classes, which made going away much easier.

"Nothing," Ron responded sullenly, as he stared at the monitor, half-heartedly playing video games.

Felix looked around the room, noticing the pizza box, chips bags … and empty wine bottles. He knew that Ron's mentor and sometime-employer Henri the chef had no qualms about passing along fine wine to his underage protégé. Somehow, though, Felix didn't think the great cook was expecting Ron to use expensive vintages to go on a bender. Felix wondered what was going on when he noticed the Junior Prom picture of Ron and Kim missing.

"What happened, Ron?"

"Nothing," he snapped.

"Right. You only appear to be hung over because it only looks like you and Kim had a fight …"

"No, she decided to be a jerk and I decided not to take it anymore."

"What are you talking about?"

Ron told Felix about the events of Saturday night.

"You IDIOT!"

"What? You too? I don't need this," Ron whined.

"Oh yes you do, Stoppable. Did it ever occur to you that in your moment of pride you pressed Kim's hottest insecurity buttons?"

"Huh?"

"Let's see. Junior Year. Food Chain. That makes her feel great as she gets to take a stroll down memory lane with Eric the synthodrone and the time she blew off her best friend. Grow up/cheerleader. Yeah just what Miss Type-A Girl needs: Rondo to tell her to stop having a little fun. A great idea since she's not doing what she loves most – saving the world – because of you and her refusal to take on a new partner as long as you're out of action. So, yeah, go ahead and belittle the other hobby she enjoys, cheerleading! Nice work, Einstein. You know, the best part was calling her names. 'Brain snob.' Now that was absolutely brilliant!"

Ron gawped at Felix. The reality of what he'd done, of the resentment and insecurity he'd allowed to explode into the open, hit him with tidal-wave force. He dropped his head into his hands. "Aww, man. What did I do? I, I blew it, didn't I? I really do need to grow up. She must hate me!"

"Get a grip, Ron. I'm sure she still loves you, though she's probably still majorly ripped. If I were you, I'd get some flowers and beg!"

"Beg? Yeah, beg. That's it. Beg!" Ron began to ramble. "Felix, you're right!" Ron added with sudden determination. "I'm gonna find KP right now and grovel!"

"Sounds like a plan," Felix agreed. "But one more piece of advice …"

"Yeah?" Ron asked.

"Take a shower first. You reek …"

X.

Kim arrived at her professor's office; he said at the beginning of the semester that he wanted to meet individually with each of his students. It was pure coincidence that her appointment was that day. She just hoped that her professor wouldn't hold Ron's outburst the other night against her.

She was still angry with Ron. But as angry as she was, she was even more hurt that he still hadn't called to apologize. Some of the things he had said had really cut. Still, even if their fight was wholly his fault, it bothered her that they hadn't spoken since Saturday evening. She wasn't sure what to do next regarding her "Ron sitch" and now felt like she needed time to think things over. Ron, however, would have to wait for later.

Kim knocked.

"Come in," a voice called out.

Kim opened the door and went in. She admired all of the books in the room. _He really is brilliant. So well read_, she thought.

"Hello, Kim," the professor said, indicating the couch. "Please have a seat."

Kim sat down and noticed a tray of tea and cookies on the low table before her, thinking it was all very civilized. _A nice change of pace from Pop Pop Porter's_ … she mused. She was glad she had put on a nice top and a skirt. Dressing-up seemed appropriate given their surroundings.

Her professor rose from his desk and sat next to her. "May I pour you some?" he asked, indicating the teapot.

"Please and thank you," Kim replied.

The man poured some Darjeeling into the bone china cup.

Then, much to her surprise, he put his hand on her thigh.

Kim's blood ran cold.

There was only one person's hands she liked on her body.

Ron's.

And Ron had warned her.

And she had ignored him.

And yelled at him.

And dismissed him and every one of his concerns.

Because of … the Food Chain.

_Nice work, Possible! _she thought. _ He really is the perfect guy for me. He knows me so well. And I just pushed him away because I was worried about what other people might think. I didn't even want to listen to him. I have to find him …_

Kim looked at her professor and smiled.

He grinned back at her. "So, Kim …"

"Did you know that I know sixteen kinds of kung fu? And that my boyfriend is one of just a handful of people in the world who knows Tai Xing Pek Kwar? While Ron's leg's been slowing him down a bit, he's still pretty dangerous. Would you believe he actually once karate chopped a stack of concrete cinder blocks in half?" she asked before adding, "With his head?"

The professor stared dumbly at Kim.

"You can move your hand now," Kim said sweetly, before adding with palpable menace in her voice, "please and thank you."

"Uh, yes, sure …"

"I'll bring my course withdrawal card for you to sign tomorrow," Kim announced as she rose from her seat. "Have a nice day."

"Kim, look, I …" the professor stammered.

"By the way, you know what? Ron was so right. You really are a Pompous Poindexter."

XI.

"No! That one!" Ron said, pointing at the huge bouquet of roses. "Wait. The other one. I know! I'll take both of them!"

The florist was bemused. Not to mention quite happy, too, knowing the panicking college boy was about to drop a whole lot of Claude on flowers …

XII.

Kim exited the faculty office and began striding purposefully towards Ron's dorm room. Before long, she had broken into a sprint. She was frantic. It had taken just one moment for her anger to turn into sheer terror as she realized just how much she missed Ron the past two days. Forty-eight hours without Ron had been awful. As she contemplated the prospect of an entire life without him, she began to run even faster.

XIII.

Kim used her Kimmunicator to bypass the electronic lock on the entrance to Ron's dorm, then ran down the hall to his room. She knocked on the door. There was no answer. As it was late morning, she was sure that even he wouldn't be asleep. He had to have gone out and Felix apparently wasn't in either.

She wasn't sure what to do. Her first thought was that he might be at the BB construction site. A quick conversation with the foreman revealed that he wasn't there. She found herself wishing Wade still had Ron chipped. Then she realized that Ron could be traced via his Kimmunicator.

She called Wade.

"I need you to find Ron," she said before Wade even had a chance to say hello.

Wade's fingers flew over his keyboard. After a few seconds, he looked at Kim. "That's funny. His Kimmunicator is about three feet from you, Kim."

"Spankin'," she grumbled. "Thanks, Wade," she added before ending the call.

She took a moment to evaluate the sitch. Ron seemed to have left the device behind. _Of course_, she thought, _after Saturday night, why would he bother to take it with him?_

She was unsure of what to do next. _Okay, Possible_, she thought, _Here's an idea. Wait for him. Here. He'll come back. Surprise him. Tell him you're sorry. Then give him a moodulator-level kiss. Yes! That's it!_

She pulled out her key to Ron's room and opened the door.

"Oy …" she groaned as she noticed the visitors. She didn't need long to know how they'd gained entry – the open window explained that.

"Kim Possible. What a pleasant surprise," the party's leader said before commanding his companions, "Monkey ninjas, attack!"

Kim dropped into a fighting stance, ready to take on Monkey Fist's minions. However, she was caught off guard when one of the monkeys pointed a banana at her.

She was even more surprised when a cloud emerged from the tip of the yellow object and enveloped her. The last thing she noticed before succumbing to the potent sleeping gas was that the Junior Prom picture of her and Ron that he usually kept on his desk was no longer there.

_TBC …_


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to calamite, whitem, daywalkr82, mattb3671, campy, Uru Baen, Commander Argus, spectre666, mkusenagi2, charizardag, The Odd Little Turtle, AtomicFire, zeerak, Aero Tendo, Molloy, vanillalilies, surforst, Ezbok58a, conan98002, TexasDad, Zaratan, mooneasterbunny, JeanieBeanie33, jasminevr, qtpie235, Ace Ian Combat, Visigoth29527, apie, and IncrediRaider8 for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Write a review, get a response.

Special thanks to campy for his beta and proof work.

If you saw it on _KP_, it belongs to Disney.

* * *

I.

Shego emerged from a dark corner of the deserted museum. The tourists were long gone and the guards had been neutralized, allowing her to stand alone before the _Mona Lisa_, the most famous painting in the world. She found herself sneering at the lexan-protected portrait. The young woman on the canvas possessed an enigmatic smile, long, straight brown hair and brown eyes. She also had what Shego thought was an annoyingly self-satisfied countenance that was disturbingly reminiscent of the cheerleader.

Not _that_ cheerleader. The other one.

Rockwaller.

Shego still seethed when she thought of her pupil, of her protégé, who had not only betrayed her, but, even more gallingly, had outwitted her and almost succeeded where she had failed.

It had been months since the fiasco on the Drake Star, the space station that Drakken had converted into a platform from which to take over the world.

Months since she had to commit Drakken to the home for the villainously insane.

In those final weeks before everything went south more spectacularly than Shego imagined possible, she and Drakken had been personally closer than ever before. However, she realized not long after the event that she'd been rebounding. Being dumped by Jack Hench had affected her more than she'd realized; and Drew, who admittedly looked better with normal-colored skin and a nose job, had been there. But in the aftermath of the failed scheme, Shego recognized that she and Drakken, assuming he ever came back around the bend, could never be anything more than friends-in-evil.

Shego thought about the events in space, including the short-lived, impromptu alliance with Kim Possible and its aftermath.

Shego had spread the word around the villain community to stay away from the Princess. Even if Kim Possible was a central part of her life, the glamorous henchwoman still didn't like her and, when the time was right, she fully intended to defeat the perky auburn-haired pest on her own terms. That meant Possible had to be at her best – Shego didn't want people saying that she was only able to defeat her do-gooder nemesis because the cheerleader wasn't playing her "A" game.

Unfortunately for Shego, for Princess to be operating at full strength, Stoppable had to be at her side. And Shego's sources told her the buffoon, who had proven himself to actually be pretty good in the field, was still a long way from returning to action. That bothered her since there were rumblings that some members of the evil community, tired of deferring to her wishes, were planning to make a move on one or both members of Team Possible, leading Shego to wonder how long she'd be able to hold back. She might have to go after Kim herself and settle for a win with an asterisk.

However, she thought as she refocused her attention on her surroundings, none of that was her concern this evening. She had a job to do. In recent months, she'd accepted challenging and unique commissions that paid very, very, very well. Tonight's assignment was simple: Steal the most easily recognizable piece of art in the world and deliver it to a reclusive Japanese magnate. Shego was pretty sure the guy would most likely store it in an underground vault, though she really didn't care what he did with the portrait since he was offering her a cool 25 million for the painting.

"She has always intrigued me. I have always wondered what commanded her attention."

Shego spun around and found herself facing a man with a long nose, slightly Asian features, straight brown hair combed down and across his forehead, almond-colored eyes,

a George Hamilton-quality tan, and artfully trimmed two-day-old stubble. He appeared lithe and fit and wore a sharply tailored black linen blazer over a black t-shirt.

"How the heck did you get in here?" she growled.

He cocked an eyebrow. "I could ask the same."

Shego dropped into a fighting stance and flared up her hands. "What are you, a rabbi? I don't need you to answer a question with a question. Let's try again. How did you get in here?"

The man offered a wry smile. "HVAC system …"

Shego couldn't help but return the stranger's good-humored expression.

"… They never learn, do they?" he asked.

"Nope," she said with a shake of the head.

"I trust you are not here solely to contemplate the mysteries of Leonardo's masterwork?" the man inquired.

"You got that, Sport," Shego replied.

"And how much have you been offered for its … acquisition?" he inquired.

"None of your business," she said, firing up her glow power as a warning to the stranger to back off. "Now if you'll excuse me, Lisa here and I have to scram."

With sudden and impressive speed, the man whisked out a device and aimed it at Shego. Suddenly, her glow power faded.

"Wha …?" she stammered.

"Your reputation precedes you."

Shego growled. With lightning speed, she threw a kick at the man, who just evaded the attack. He ducked, then swung around with a kick of his own, which Shego vaulted.

"Nice move," she said as she landed with cat-like assurance on her feet.

"Thank you," he replied. "I was offered 25 million for the picture by a very reclusive man from Japan called Toshida. Since the odds of your having been commissioned by another individual to perform the same job at the same time are improbably long, I am going to assume you, too, were engaged by Toshida-san …"

Shego reluctantly nodded. "Yeah, I was. You approached through cut-outs?"

This time it was Du's turn to nod. "It would appear Toshida-san likes to hedge his bets," he observed.

"Yeah, well, I don't know if I should be impressed with his foresight or insulted that he thought I might not be able to pull off this job," Shego said.

"Obviously, he did not know the skill of those whose services he retained," the mysterious thief said in a conciliatory tone. "I believe that two options are available to us."

"What would those be?" Shego asked, still in a defensive crouch.

"We could battle each other all night and most likely find ourselves having to retreat before the arrival of the morning shift of guards. Or we can join forces, take the picture, and each be satisfied with twelve and a half million dollars."

"That sure sounds easier," Shego said, now standing with her arms akimbo. "But it seems kind of dull."

"Perhaps dinner and a few bottles of Chateau Picard at an out-of-the-way but quite superior bistro in the Seventh Arrondissement that I most highly recommend and, if I may be so bold, a discussion of potential future joint ventures would appeal to you."

Shego found herself grinning and shaking her head. "You are one smug customer, you know that?"

"I have been told that before."

"Okay, I'm in," Shego said. "But before we jack this picture, tell me, what's your name?"

"Du. Phineas Du," he said with disarming confidence. "But my friends call me Phin."

II.

"Hicka-bicka-boo …"

"… Hoosha!"

Jim and Tim Possible scrambled through the lair, tossing the cylinder back and forth, as they dodged the gray-clad henchman.

"You vill not get avay viss THIS YOU MUNCHKINS!"

"Hey …" Jim said indignantly.

"… who are you calling a munchkin? You're no taller than we are!" Tim added.

"Yes, but I am ZE VILLAIN UND I HAVE THIS HELMET OF DOOM!"

"OOOOOOOO …" Jim said mockingly as he approached the shaft.

"… You with us, Rufus?" Tim asked.

"Uh huh!" the naked mole rat squeaked as he crossed one last set of wires and scampered to the waiting hand of one of the twin terrors who were already developing a reputation amongst the villain community as a force to be reckoned with. "Buh bye!" Rufus said as he waved at Dementor.

"Well …" Tim said.

"… Gotta go!" Jim finished as the two teens made their getaway, wanting to put the lair behind them before it self-destructed.

They scrambled out of the air vent and towards their homebuilt jet, the J-200 rocket fuel-powered Kiminator Mark I. As they approached their aircraft, they heard the rumble of the exploding bastion, then saw rubble fly off the mountainside. Much to their dismay, Tim, Jim, and Rufus watched as a two-ton boulder landed atop their transport.

They sighed.

It was definitely going to take longer than expected to get back to Middleton.

As the trio began making its way through the jungle, Jim turned to his brother.

"You know what this means" he asked.

"Kim's going to razz us?"

"Nah, we have those pictures of her and Ron lip smacking at Lake Middleton …"

"… And we still have the Middleton email program!"

"Can you say …?"

"… Insurance city!" Tim gave his brother a high five, before asking, "So, uh, what does this mean?"

"We'll get to build the Kiminator Mark II!"

III.

Team Impossible surveyed the gallery.

The space appeared undisturbed.

Save for the fact that there was a blank, off-color rectangle where the World's Most Famous Piece of Art had been hanging just hours earlier.

Crash Cranston shook his head as Dash Dumont and Burn Berman looked for clues. He pressed a button on his wrist and the image of Wade Load appeared on a small screen.

"Looks like our friend was here," Crash said. "It's just like the British Museum heist. Other than the guards who were taken down, you'd never know anybody had been here."

"Hmmm," Wade replied. "Can you get me a spectrographic scan of the area? Maybe I can find something at the quantum level."

"Will do," Crash said as his partners approached him.

"First the Elgin Marbles at the British Museum, now the _Mona Lisa_ …" Dash said. "I wonder where they're going to strike next."

"Guys," Wade said as his fingers danced over his keyboard. "Based on what we know, I'd say his next target is going to be Michelangelo's _David_ at the Accademia in Florence."

"Look, kid," Burn Berman said, "I know you have the world wired and everything, but you don't expect me to believe you have a computer model that can predict where a thief about whom we know nothing is going to strike next after only two robberies?" The action-hero accountant knew that even Wade couldn't build a viable statistical model with that little data.

"No, I don't. I need another robbery before I can do that," Wade said confidently before taking a sip from his Slurpster "It's just that our friend seems to like taking very famous high-profile works of art. If he hit London and Paris, why not Florence?"

"Kid's got a point," Dash conceded.

"Okay, we're on it. Cranston out," Crash said before ending the call. He shook his head. He never thought he'd see the day when a fourteen-year-old boy was directing his missions. Crash missed being an independent contractor. But being part of the Team Unstoppable organization still beat working for Global Justice and he was actually growing to like Wade. "Okay, Team Unstoppable Impossible Division, move out!" Crash bellowed, as he and his two compatriots rocketed up and through a skylight.

IV.

Ron looked around his room. It was clear that Kim had been there. Her Kimmunicator was lying on the floor, next to an upended chair and her backpack. Some of her texts had fallen out of the bag.

Ron was sure she hadn't been alone.

Kim wouldn't have knocked over furniture. Or left a window open. Or abandoned her Kimmunicator or backpack. Nor would she have left behind monkey hairs, unless she was turning into a monkey again. And he didn't want to contemplate the possibility that his best friend girlfriend was turning into a fur-covered tree beast just then. He told himself he would love her anyway, even if she were to once again go full monkey. He'd made that promise in Rabbi Katz's study and he knew he would keep it. He loved Kim. He needed her, and a simian Kim was better than no Kim, after all …

_Man, did I let her down. I was supposed to have her back and now this_, he thought as he sagged in his desk chair. He rubbed his face, then shook his head_. Okay, Rondo, time to get your head in the game. KP needs you. If there are monkey hairs here and they're not Kim's, that means … Monkey Fist._

Ron picked up Kim's Kimmunicator and pressed the call button. Wade's visage instantly appeared.

"Ron?" he asked, surprised. "Did Kim find you?"

"What do you mean?" Ron asked, though he suspected he already knew what Wade meant.

"Kim called a little while ago. She was upset and wanted me to find you. Have you guys had a fight?"

Ron groaned, wanting to kick himself. _Kim comes by to make up – and winds up being abducted by Monkey Fist_, he thought. _This is so not good_. "Wade, from now on you can call me Ron Stupidable, okay?"

"Ron, what's going on?" Wade asked.

"Kim and I had an argument because I was a jerk. She must have come by here to talk. Unfortunately, Lord-I-want-to-be-the-Monkey-King must have been waiting for me. Instead, he found Kim and must have decided to upgrade. Wade, I need you to get me a ride. I'm going to save Kim."

"Ron, think for a moment," Wade cautioned. "It's a trap. He's obviously using Kim as bait."

"Fine. Monty wants a piece of the Rondo, he'll get a piece of Rondo."

"You can't go, Ron," Wade said, his arms folded against his chest. "Not in your condi–"

"Don't even go there, Wade," Ron snarled. "I have to get Kim out of there."

"Look, Ron, I can call in one of the other … uh oh."

"What?"

"Tim and Jim are stranded in the Amazon, and Team Impossible has just been detained by the French authorities for causing extensive damage at the Louvre."

"That settles it, then," Ron said. "I'm going home and getting my gear. I don't care if you have to get me a pack mule. Locate Kim and get me to her."

"I can call Global Justice," Wade offered.

The young tech guru immediately regretted that suggestion.

"Note serious face, Wade. We're talking about KP here. I am not going to entrust her safety to Will Du and his peeps. Got it?"

Wade sighed. "Got it. I'll have something for you in thirty minutes."

V.

"So your twin brother is an agent of Global Justice?" Shego said as she looked at Phin across the candlelit table. "That's rich!"

"Yes, it is rather amusing," Phin agreed as he refilled his companion's glass, then his own. "He is one of their top agents. However, unlike me, Will is a bit, shall we say, stiff."

"Whoa, pardner. Did you just say top agent? I thought maybe he was a back-office guy," she said. "GJ is cool with one of their top agents having a brother who …"

"… Steals for a living?" Phin said sardonically.

"Well, yeah," Shego smirked.

"Global Justice seems to have an affinity for hiring twins who have siblings with, shall we say, flexible approaches to traditional moral and legal codes," he said.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Have you heard of WWEE?" he replied.

"That sounds vaguely familiar. The wrestling outfit?" Shego offered.

"No, that's the GWA," Phin said. "WWEE. The World Wide Evil Empire."

"Oh, the frat boys," she said derisively.

"Frat boys?" Du asked.

"Yeah, the henchmen all wear Greek letters on their outfits. Their head honcho is some loon with a bionic hand and a rat dog."

"You have met Gemini?" Phin asked.

"Villains' Expo at the Tri-City Convention Center," Shego explained. "His dog thing decided to poop all over the place."

Phin couldn't help but smile. "Gemini's birth name is Sheldon. Sheldon Director."

Shego's eyes opened wide. "Betty Director has a fraternal twin?"

"Yes, and their relationship makes the one I have with Will look healthy."

"Interesting," Shego said with a grin. "So why haven't you taken advantage of this situation?"

"By that," Phin responded, "I presume you mean why have I not abducted my brother, insinuated myself into Global Justice, and then used my position to wreak havoc and take over the world?"

"Well, yeah," Shego said.

"Two reasons," he said. "First, at the moment, I am enjoying the life of a successful international thief. I am rich, have multiple homes, dress well, and, as you can testify, get to meet extremely beautiful women …"

"Slick, Chief," Shego said with a grin that said she was open to more blandishments.

"Thank you," he said with a graceful dip of the head. "I speak only the truth. As I was saying, I lead a fulfilling, exciting, stimulating life."

"Okay, what's the second reason?" Shego asked.

A surprisingly predatory grin spread across Phin's face. "I thought I'd wait until Will succeeds Doctor Director. Why hijack Global Justice now if I can wait and have the whole operation at my disposal?"

The waiter discretely deposited the check on the table. Phin reached for the bill, but Shego beat him. "You can pay next time," she said with an inviting grin.

Phin returned the smile. "That would be most agreeable."

VI.

"Stoppable, just what do you think you're doing?" Steve Barkin asked as Ron, in his mission clothes, limped down the stairs from his bedroom.

"Going to save Kim," he said, looking up from his utility belt. "Isn't that obvious?"

"Have you lost your mind, man? You can't do that!" Barkin insisted.

"Listen, Mr. B – or is it Steve? – I'm really not sure on the protocol – nice word, huh? And you thought I slept through every class," Ron observed, an undeniable edge to his voice. "Look," he continued, "this isn't Middleton High. You don't give orders here. And you can't give me detention."

Barkin was stunned. He'd seen Ron grow in confidence and maturity during the young man's senior year of high school. But this was something else. Something raw-edged.

Ron's mother, fretting, sat on the couch, watching as her son and her boyfriend went at it. "Ronnie …" his mother said plaintively.

"Mom …" Ron replied in a tone that said he was determined to proceed.

"Stoppa– Ron," Barkin asked quietly. "Can I have a moment with you? Alone?"

Ron was taken aback by Barkin's respectful tone. "Uh, sure," he said after glancing at his watch. "But make it quick."

Steve and Ron made their way to the kitchen.

"You can't go," Barkin said. "Not with that leg."

"What part of 'you can't tell me what to do' do you not get?" Ron asked sharply.

"Cheese and crackers! Listen to me for a moment. You know you're in no condition to go out into the field alone. I know you're upset …"

"You don't know the half of it," Ron groused.

"… Actually, I do. Your mother told me that you and Possible had a fight. Now you're feeling guilty. But what is going out there and getting yourself pasted going to do to help the situation? Your mother's already lost Don. She doesn't need something bad to happen to you. And how do you think Possible will feel about this if things go wrong? You want to saddle her with a guilt trip for the rest of her life?"

Ron sighed. As much as he didn't want to admit it, Barkin was making sense. Still, Ron felt he had no other choice. "I gotta go, Mr. B." Calling Barkin "Steve" just didn't seem right. "I love Kim. I'm supposed to have her back. I can't not go."

Barkin looked at Ron and realized he couldn't win this argument. He made a decision of his own.

"Fine. Go. But let me come with you."

Ron immediately recalled the times he and Barkin had gone into the field together. There had been the search for the Middleton Snow Beast. And there was also the rescue of Kim and Bonnie at Dementor's lair. Neither episode inspired confidence in him. Ron knew that they couldn't count on Dr. P on a rocket-powered snowboard or a band of pixie scouts to bail them out if things became dicey. Still, Ron thought, some backup would be useful, especially since Rufus was with Jim and Tim and Rufina had shown herself to be more inclined to read ancient history than infiltrate a lair.

"Okay," Ron said, trying to muster some enthusiasm. "But let's get one thing clear. I'm in charge."

Barkin paused before answering. "Fair enough."

"Good," Ron said in a no-nonsense tone. "Go home, get some gear, and meet me back here in fifteen. You're not here, I'm leaving without you."

"You know what? You're a piece of work, Stoppable," Barkin said with an admiring grin.

"Hey, I am what I is," Ron replied, before he turned back to inspecting his gear.

VII.

Kim struggled against the restraints. This was the one part of hero work she hadn't missed. What she did miss were her gadgets; it tweaked her to no end that she had none of them with her.

"Would you like a banana?" Monty asked, offering her a piece of fruit.

"No thanks. Since your monkey ninja shot me with one, they've lost their appeal. But I'd be more than interested in a bunch of answers," she retorted.

"Puns. How droll. I am glad to see the famous Kim Possible wit has not deserted you," Fist said.

Kim rolled her eyes. "It's good to know I didn't let you down. However, I have other things I'd really rather be doing right now."

"Like what? 'Lip smacking' the Pretender?" he asked acidly, pleased by Kim's reaction.  
"You didn't think I was current on teen lingo, did you?"

Kim blew a stray lock of hair out of her face. "Great, first Drakken, now you."

"Do you know what this is?" he asked as he held up a jet-black banana-shaped object.

"Something you paid too much for on eBid?" Kim asked sarcastically. She missed Ron. While she was good at witty asides and snide remarks, Ron had become the past master at engaging villains in idle chitchat. His goofy, sometimes inane, comments during missions had become a source of tension-relieving reassurance to her.

"Jest now if you must, Miss Possible," Monty said as he glared at Kim. "This is the legendary Jade Banana of Sumatra. With it, I will be able to seize Ron Stoppable's mystical monkey powers and become Supreme Monkey Ruler. All I have to do now is wait for the buffoon to come to your rescue …"

For a moment, Kim wondered if Ron would even come for her. _No_, she told herself. _He'll be here. He may be ferociously angry with you, but he'll come for you. Then he'll walk out of your life. Which is all you deserve, brain snob._ Kim allowed herself to wallow in self-pity for a moment. _Okay, that's enough of that, Possible. You'll find a way to make it up to Ron later. Right now, you've got to focus on this sitch – and protect him from Monkey Fist._

"There's one problem with your plan," Kim said.

"What?" he asked through narrowed eyes.

"Ron doesn't have mystical monkey power any more."

"Miss Possible, I expect more of you. Your transparent ploy to get me to turn my attention from Ron Stoppable is touching, if a tad offensive. You don't seriously expect me to fall for such a pathetic ruse, do you?"

"It's not a ruse," Kim snapped, her emotions beginning to rise as she recalled why Ron was now bereft of his powers. "He used it up last spring to save us. It's gone, Monkey Fist. The only monkey power that's left is mythical."

Monkey Fist stared disdainfully at his captive, then bared his teeth in a cruel smile.

"Well, we'll just have to see, shan't we? In any event, we will have quite the surprise waiting for him, won't we?" he asked as he turned to a door that swung open to reveal a backlit figure with some sort of device.

"We sure will, Montykins!" DNAmy said as she wheeled a large ray gun-like machine into the lair.

"You see, Miss Possible, I had planned to use this on your buffoonish companion to trigger his powers," Monkey Fist said as he inserted the jade banana into a slot in the ray gun. "But instead, I shall use it on you. If I am correct, when we are through, you, thanks to the residual effects of the amulet you stole from me, will have once again become that which Ron Stoppable most fears and despises."

"Great," Kim said. "And if you're wrong?"

"You'll die," he said casually. "Either way, I win: if I cannot take Ron Stoppable's mystical monkey power, I can still transform you into his worst monkeyphobic nightmare or be rid of you permanently, which, I am sure, will break the Pretender's spirit," Monkey Fist added with glee before he began cackling maniacally. The mad nobleman's deranged laughter was soon joined by the wild screeching and hooting of his monkey ninjas.

"Spankin'," Kim muttered. "Can this day get any worse?"

VIII.

"You know, this plane used to be mine," Ron said as he looked around the luxurious aircraft cabin.

"Excuse me?" Barkin said.

"Yeah, back in the day when I was a Naco millionaire. Man, I completely lost it and just started spending money like it came from trees. I chartered this plane for KP. We got one mission out of it before I went broke. Kind of ironic. Ron Stoppable, Smarty Mart's number one customer, goons on money." Ron shook his head as he remembered just how out of control he'd been with all of his riches. It was small consolation that the second time he came into money he was far more responsible, thanks, he knew, to his desire to ensure that he and Kim could have a secure future – a future he'd endangered by shooting off his mouth.

"You like Smarty Mart?" Barkin asked, rousing Ron from his reverie.

"Like it? I love it. You can get anything there!" Ron enthused.

"I know. That's where I do all my shopping," the teacher said.

"Hey, hey, I always thought you looked pretty sharp, Mr. B."

"Steve," Barkin corrected him.

"Huh?"

"Stoppable – Ron, it's, uh, Steve. You're the one who pointed it out – you're not in high school anymore. I'm not your teacher."

"Uh, yeah, well, you know, this whole situation is all still kind of well, awk-weird."

Steve cocked an eyebrow. "That's not a word."

"Sure it is. It's a, hmmm, what was that word, oh yeah, it's a neologism!" Ron said brightly.

Steve Barkin blinked in surprise. "You know, Ron, things tend to happen when they're supposed to happen. But the teacher in me wishes you and Kim had hooked up sooner. She's been a good influence on you."

"Don't you know it. Without her, I'm nothing."

"That's not true, Ron."

"Yes it is … Steve. I don't mean in the sense that I can't do anything or make a difference or give back or anything like that. It's just that we've been together for so long that I can't imagine being without her. Take away KP, and you take away the Rondo."

Barkin looked at Ron, who was clearly forlorn.

"So, what did you two fight about?" the teacher asked.

"Ah, it was stupid," Ron said, before explaining what happened.

"I'm not exactly a master of the fine art of romance myself," the burly teacher said. "I hate all that touchy feely stuff …"

"Wait a minute," Ron said. "Mom said you were sensitive. And that you liked Jane Austen! You better not be playing her about that …"

Barkin reddened, then scowled. "I like Austen's prose style, okay? And your mother has, uh, been helping me with some of the other stuff."

Ron grinned. "So I was right. Mr. B has it going on with the ladies."

"Lady, Ron. Just one. And don't push it."

Ron playfully punched Barkin in the arm. "I'm just playing you … Stevie!"

Barkin's countenance darkened.

"Okay," Ron said, holding up his hands defensively. "No more 'Stevie'."

"Thanks. I still get the willies when I think of that DNAmy woman …"

"Yeah, I can dig that," Ron agreed before both men shuddered.

"Ron," the teacher said, changing gears, "you two need to talk more."

"Mr. B, uh, Steve, KP and I talk all the time."

"I mean talk talk. About things that are bothering you. Tell me, be honest, how is your class work going?" Barkin asked, recalling Ron's comments about Kim's 'smart peeps.'

Ron looked at his teacher and hung his head.

"That bad?" Barkin asked.

"Let's just say I'm not in danger of graduating at the top of my class."

"Does Kim know?"

"No. I can't tell her. She was so proud of me when I got into MC. But I don't know if I can even hack it …"

"Ron, the two of you are a team. A real team. You need to confide in her."

"But she's counting on me. Or at least she was until I messed up everything."

"Ron, I'm sure she's still going to be there for you. Talk with her. Tell her what's bothering you. Let her help you. She'll probably see it as another mission. It's what she does, after all."

"Maybe you're right …"

"I know I'm right. Now let's stop yapping so I can catch a few Z's before we get to the landing zone."

IX.

"Oh, yes, Kim Possible. Your day can get much worse! For I have this …"

"I should have known," Kim said as she saw the neural compliance chip in her captor's mutated hand. She wondered just how many of the things Bortel had made.

"After I return you to your full monkeyosity I will place this chip on you and you will lead my monkey ninjas in combat. You, Kim Possible, will defeat Ron Stoppable!"

Kim began to have flashbacks to Valentine's Day of her senior year; she still had the occasional nightmare about the time Bonnie put a mind-control chip on her forehead and forced her to attack Ron. She squirmed, hoping that, somehow, she could break free.

Monkey Fist began to cackle again, his minions hooted and hollered, and DNAmy grinned. The mad geneticist pointed the device's barrel at Kim and waved.

"Don't worry, Kimmie. You'll get to be a life-sized Cuddle Buddy, just like me and Monty. It's so much fun!"

"You know, three's a crowd and I really don't want to crash your party," Kim said. "Besides fur is so not my style."

"Oh, don't be such a spoil sport!" DNAmy said as she, Monkey Fist and the monkey ninjas all donned retro-looking goggles.

X.

Prince Wally was sitting at a baccarat table in Monte Carlotta, a half-finished drink before him. The erstwhile heir to the throne of an exceedingly small European kingdom had given up on his dream of being elected president of his countrymen anytime soon. His fifty-year-old father was extremely healthy. And with the announcement that upon his death, the kingdom would become a republic, the people of the land had rejoiced and the Knights of Rhodegan decided to declare success and focus on their complex, and very lucrative, business interests, leaving Wally's father on the throne for the rest of his life. It looked as if it would be decades before Wally would have the opportunity to actually achieve power.

Since his dreams of a being a ruler appeared to be postponed indefinitely, he decided to become a playboy.

Wally was effete and supercilious, traits that often put off people. But he was also ridiculously wealthy, which usually made him the center of attention wherever he went and able to attract all sorts of women – like the one who approached him and laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Wally?" she said, an unmistakable note of familiarity in her voice.

He turned and looked at a striking, shapely woman with long brown hair and aquamarine eyes. Wally thought she looked vaguely familiar. "Have we met?" he asked.

"Yes, three years ago, in Middleton, Colorado."

"Middleton. Hmm. Oh, yes. That dreary hamlet I had to abide. Are you one of the peasants?"

The young woman, the image of disdain and hauteur, stared at Wally, her hand regally placed on her thrust-out hip. "Do I look like a peasant?" she asked acidly.

Wally took that as an invitation to appraise her. She was wearing a rather snug, yet very stylish, evening gown and some very expensive jewelry. She probably was a peasant; anybody who wasn't a member of his family was a peasant, after all. But she was also very attractive and his interest in her was piqued.

"No, you do not," he said. "More like a royal courtier."

"Much better," she said smiling, extending a hand. "I'm Bonnie. Bonnie Stonefencer."

XI.

The beam lashed out of the machine and struck Kim, enveloping her in a brilliant, coruscating cocoon of red energy. The teen hero screamed as her DNA began rewriting itself and her body underwent rapid change. Only a few seconds elapsed before she had to kick off her shoes because of the mutations her feet were undergoing. Kim's screams were increasingly pierced by simian screeches. She could feel the difference in her arms, her teeth, her face – her skin. She felt itchy. And she knew why. She now had fur. And, of course, a tail.

After what seemed an eternity but had only been a couple of minutes, the beam faded.

The look of glee on DNAmy's face told Kim that her transformation must be complete.

"Success!" DNAmy declared. "Look, Honey Bunny, the world's first Kimpanzee!"

"Please," the unhinged nobleman sniffed. "She's a monkey, not a chimpanzee. And don't call me 'Honey Bunny'."

"But Montykins …" Amy whined.

Monkey, chimp, ape. It didn't matter to Kim. She was now a freak, a talking monkey, a banana-eating tree swinger capable of college-level work. And, as her captor approached her with the mind-control chip, she knew she was about to become the world's largest monkey ninja if she didn't do something fast.

Making Kim's bad sitch worse, and clearly surprising Monkey Fist and DNAmy, smoke began to belch and sparks began to fly from the device.

"Oh, dang," DNAmy pouted. "The genomic neural oscillating micro-energy sequencer's overloaded."

Monkey Fist swore, then turned to Kim. "My plans for Stoppable may have been derailed for the moment, Kim Possible, but at least I will have the satisfaction of knowing that you will serve me!" Monkey Fist cackled as he held forth the chip.

"I so think not," Kim said with a smirk as she flicked her tail around and knocked the chip out of his hand.

"No! You will not thwart me this time," Monkey Fist bellowed as he scrambled after the chip.

Kim surveyed the room. Monkey Fist was looking for the mind-control device, which thankfully appeared to have slid beneath a large piece of equipment; DNAmy was sulking as she examined her damaged sequencer ray – and, Kim guessed, thinking about Monkey Fist's less-than-loving tone; and the monkey ninjas were milling about, not sure what to do. As Kim noted where everybody was positioned and considered her options, she noticed one of the diminutive fighters slowly slip away from the group and make its way to a control panel.

Moments later, the lights went out.

Kim was enveloped in darkness. She heard human shouts and monkey screeching as confusion overwhelmed the lair. Then, to her surprise, she felt her restraints loosen.

"Come on," a voice whispered. "Follow me."

Kim was startled. She felt as if someone was speaking to her in a foreign language, one that she understood. _But monkeys don't speak Latin or French …_ she told herself, before she realized she didn't have time to worry about this bit of weirdness.

"What? Who are you?" she asked.

Kim was surprised when her deliverer replied, "It's me, Chippy."

XII.

"Aww man, this hurts," Ron groaned. Kim – assuming she was still willing to talk with him, he reminded himself – was going to kill him for jumping out of a plane with his bum leg. He sat on the ground, massaging his calf.

"You going to be okay?" Barkin asked.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Just remember – if you hear me screaming, those are screams of courage, not pain."

Barkin looked at Ron dubiously. "So, what's the plan?" the former soldier asked with a gleam in his eye. Steve Barkin was back in action in the field and loving it. It was like being in the jungle near Hai I'lai, though this time he wouldn't have to catch dinner.

"We infiltrate the lair, save Kim, go home, get me some painkillers," Ron explained matter-of-factly.

"That's your plan?" Barkin asked incredulously.

"Yeah," Ron answered. "And it's worked well enough for me and KP all these years. I usually didn't need painkillers, though I should have mentioned the optional post-mission snackage run."

"But –" Barkin protested.

"Chill, Steve," Ron said. "Remember, I'm in charge." He fought the urge to giggle. Saying those words to Steve Barkin felt so good. Ron wondered if he could give the man mission detention if he got out of line. He then withdrew his Kimmunicator from the pocket of his cargoes and called Wade.

"What up, Ron?" the young tech guru asked as he sipped his Slurpster.

"We're here in Monkey Temple Central," Ron said.

Ron and Wade had agreed that the only reason Monkey Fist would have come to abduct Ron was because the aspiring Monkey King was hoping to steal Ron's now non-existent mystical monkey powers. Wade immediately hacked into the GJ satellite network to start a search of places with lots of what Ron called 'monkey mojo.' It didn't take Wade long to determine that Monkey Fist had headed to the jungles of Cambodia, where a complex of temples that had been built by an ancient sect of worshippers of monkey gods was located. It seemed like the logical destination for someone interested in monkey magic. Also, infrared images from the high-powered orbiting equipment revealed beneath the tree cover a banana-shaped air transport that could only belong to the former Lord Montgomery Fiske.

"Okay," Wade said. "My research shows that there was a ceremonial hall used for only the most solemn occasions. The hall would be a perfect place to set up a lair – it's large, and it's protected."

"Where is it?" Ron asked.

"It's in the temple in the middle of the complex."

"Got it," Ron said as he looked at the map that now appeared on his screen. "This place doesn't have any air vents, does it?"

"Sorry," Wade replied. "You're going to have to go through the – Wait a minute. There's a small tunnel leading into the chamber; it can be accessed through the rear of the temple."

"Kim, as usual, is right Wade – you rock!" Ron exclaimed.

Wade smiled. "Thanks, Ron. Good luck!"

The call ended, Ron looked at Barkin. "Looks like it's time for us to play some smack monkey."

The high school teacher was taken aback by the unforgiving expression on his one-time student's face.

XIII.

Kim and Chippy made their way through the corridors of the temple; while running on all fours felt very strange to Kim, she had to admit she was impressed with how quickly she could move. Coming across what appeared to be a safe haven, Kim called for a rest; her metabolism was still adjusting to her new simian state.

"You okay?" Chippy asked after they sat down, their backs against a wall.

"Yeah," Kim said, catching her breath. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," Chippy said.

Kim paused. "Ohmigosh," she whispered as she brought her hands to her mouth as she realized what was bothering her from before. "We're speaking … monkey, aren't we?"

"Yep," Chippy said. "It's not like I can speak English. I don't have the vocal cords for it like you do."

"This is so ferociously weird," Kim said.

"You're telling me. It's not every day I find myself next to a monkey giant," Chippy observed.

Kim arched an eyebrow. "About that. Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate how you got me out of that sitch, but why didn't you pull the plug before Monkey Fist monkeyed with my DNA?"

"To be honest, it didn't occur to me," the little ninja said sheepishly.

"Oy," Kim said with a slap to the forehead. "So," she continued, feeling both curiosity and a need to show a bit more gratitude; she might have gone full monkey, but at least she was free. "Why did you do it?"

Chippy looked at Kim; the ninja's expression was grave. "Monkey Fist is only interested in one thing: becoming the Monkey King. He doesn't care about us. He uses us. Just like he's using that Amy woman."

"And this is news to you why?" Kim asked. "You had to know this before."

Chippy sighed. "I did," the monkey ninja conceded. "I knew it as long ago as the time I was in Middleton. Being with Ron helped me see that."

"Then why did you leave? You, uh, could have stayed in Middleton with Ron." _That is so flawed. I cannot believe I actually just said that_, Kim thought.

"You're probably right," Chippy said. "But Ron already had Rufus to take care of. And, well, let's be honest, Ron has enough trouble taking care of himself. He's not exactly the smartest primate in the tree."

Kim glared at Chippy. She wasn't going to let this monkey diss her BF, even if he was possibly now her ex-BF. "Watch it," she growled, baring her fang-like canines.

Chippy got the message; she immediately realized that Ron must now be Kim's mate, at least in some sense. "I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I actually have great respect for Ron …"

"Apology accepted," Kim said.

"… Anyway, I went back to what I knew, my life with the other monkey ninjas. That, of course, meant going back to Monkey Fist."

"So why now?" Kim asked.

"That's easy. The moment you became a monkey, I remembered how you defeated Monkey Fist before. I realized you could be the new alpha member of the pack. You could challenge Monkey Fist for leadership of the ninjas."

"Whoa," Kim said. "You think I'm going to be some sort of simian savior? You do realize I'm not planning on remaining a monkey forever?"

"I know, though I think you should reconsider. It's really not a bad life. Anyway, I thought that, well, maybe, you'd help us first," Chippy said. "Kim, the monkey ninjas have never known freedom, but you could lead us to it. I know it."

Kim scrunched up her face as she mulled Chippy's words. "You know, Monkey Fist without monkey ninjas would be a lot less dangerous …"

Chippy looked at Kim with hopeful eyes.

"Okay," Kim declared. "We'll give it a try." She had concluded that if she was stuck being a monkey for the time being she should try to make something good come of the sitch. "But I'm only doing this as long as it doesn't mean getting recaptured. I'm so not interested in being Monkey Fist's mind-controlled monkey ninja."

Chippy leapt up and hugged Kim. "Thank you so much."

"You're welcome," Kim said, trying not to think about how strange it was for her to be sharing an embrace with a monkey rebel with a cause.

"You know," Chippy said, "that's a nice outfit you have on."

"What?" Kim said, looking down at her black top and red skirt.

"The colors go together nicely," Chippy noted. "It's definitely more attractive than that green thing I had to wear."

Kim noticed the look of distaste on the monkey ninja's face.

"You're a girl, aren't you, Chippy?" Kim observed.

The monkey ninja nodded.

Kim couldn't help but smile. "Well, better you than me." Then she looked down at her outfit again. It was one of Ron's favorites. She happily remembered when he first confided that he liked the skirt so much because it allowed him to appreciate her 'bon-diggity legs.' Now those legs were covered in fur. Kim's eyes then traveled down to her feet. She recalled how much she enjoyed receiving foot massages from Ron, especially after a long cheer squad practice; now, her feet were huge, hairy and had opposable toes useful for grasping things and, she was sure, repelling BFs.

Kim's shoulders sagged as her bravado seeped away. She found herself feeling the same sense of futility, even despair, she had experienced in the Bueno Nacho storeroom the night of her Junior Prom – she felt like she had nuthin'.

"Ron's going to freak when he sees me," Kim said morosely. "Not that it matters."

"What are you talking about?" Chippy asked.

Kim sighed. "You know that Ron has a thing about monkeys. And we had a fight and I said some things and, well, just before I was knocked out, I noticed that Ron no longer had his picture of us out. He must really be ferociously tweaked with me. I love him so much and just can't see being without him."

"Then what's the problem?" the monkey ninja asked.

"I know it's selfish, but I've always been the center of Ron's life. Now, I sometimes feel, like, well, I'm the second banana." Kim blew away a stray strand of hair. "There are times when I think he feels that stupid business of his is the most important thing in his life."

"I doubt it," Chippy said.

"Don't take this the wrong way, Chippy, but you're a monkey."

Chippy was shocked. "Do I not have feelings? If you prick me, do I not bleed? If you –"

"Hold on," Kim said, her emerald eyes as wide as saucers. "You're quoting Shakespeare!"

"Really? It just seemed appropriate. I remember typing that not too long ago. For some reason, Monkey Fist locked a bunch of us in a room with typewriters and told us to start banging away …" Chippy shook her head as she remembered the experience.

"Anyway, monkeys do have feelings," Chippy said pointedly, "so I think I have an idea as to what you're talking about."

"Okay, point taken," Kim said holding up her hands, indicating she was conceding the matter.

"And don't forget, I also know Ron. Remember when he thought I was you?"

"How can I forget?" Kim said as she pulled a face; that memory still rankled her. She really had been offended that her best friend thought she'd actually don Nana's fashion disaster of a frock.

"Ron did go a little… bananas," Chippy giggled at her little joke, "but he was determined to be the best friend he could be, even if you were a monkey. He overcame his fears because being with you was so important to him. We actually had a good time together. We went to the mall and to the movies and to a restaurant. He's a lot of fun to be around."

"Yeah, he is," Kim agreed, unable not to smile as she thought of Ron and Chippy palling around town. And Ron did seem to form a bond with Frederick. So, assuming he was willing to forgive her for being a brain snob, she wondered what kind of stares they'd get if they went to the movies or the Student Union while she was in her present state. A talking monkey really wouldn't be the strangest thing ever seen in Middleton, which had, after all, seen more than its share of weirdness of the years.

Chippy watched as Kim lost herself in her thoughts. The monkey ninja saw how Kim's smile once again faded into something more pensive. Finally, she placed her hand on Kim's arm. "It'll be okay. He's your mate."

Kim, for the first time since her fight with Ron, felt hopeful. "I know." Ron _was_ her mate and always would be. He'd forgive her. They'd make up and move on together. She knew that in her heart.

"So what's on your mind?" Chippy asked.

"I'm just thinking of how exactly we're going to convince the rest of the monkey ninjas to switch sides and help us take down Monkey Fist."

_TBC …_


	3. Chapter 3

Dear readers: I'm every so sorry it took me five months to update _ES:BMOC_, but the contract negotiations with the monkey ninja union were far more complicated than anyone anticipated …

Many thanks to campy, daywalkr82, Commander Argus, charizardag, AtomicFire, Josh84, Yankee Bard, JimVincible, Lonestarr, rye.bread, surforst, Dr. J0nes, JeanieBeanie33, Ezbok58a, conan98002, Zaratan, mattb3671, Aero Tendo, vanillalillies, Molloy, whitem, The Mad shoe 1, Ace Ian Combat, Nikoagonistes, Jawelik, oneredneckgoddess, and Shewhodanceswithdragons for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Special thanks to campy for beta reading and Molloy for his work as Special Guest Proofreader.

Leave a review, get a response (thought I can't guarantee when FF net will deliver it to you!)

If you saw it on _KP_, it belongs to Disney.

* * *

I. 

Phin and Shego were both enjoying their post-prandial saunter down a quiet tree-lined Parisian street.

"Thank you for dinner," Du said.

"No problem, Sport," Shego replied with a warm smile before her expression changed to something more serious. "So, how do you want to handle this?"

Du looked at Shego for a moment, then raised his hands to her face, and pulled her in for a kiss. It was brief and gentle, but it was unlike any Shego had experienced before.

"If by 'this' you mean 'us'," Phin said suavely, "I hope that answers your question …"

Shego blinked at Du in dumb response.

"… However, if by 'this' you mean the portrait, I believe it will be safe in the freight locker at the Gare du Nord until our appointment with Toshida-san. As for consummating our business with him, may I suggest we meet at the Café de Rue Picard for a croissant and espresso at 7:00 before we rendezvous with our esteemed client."

"That works for me. Though I think it'd be better if we had breakfast at my hotel," Shego said with a grin.

"That would be agreeable," Du said. "I would be pleased to meet you there. Where are you staying?"

"Who said anything about meeting me there, Sport? I was thinking we'd call for room service," she said before she leaned in for another kiss.

II.

"And so now I'm going to have to wait for Daddy to grow old and die before I have a chance to run for president," Wally groused.

Bonnie sipped at her drink as she half-listened to the dauphin whine while she enjoyed her sumptuous surroundings. The brunette was seated at a small table on the afterdeck of a very large and luxurious yacht moored in the harbor of Monte Carlotta; myriad reflected lights of the Principality danced on the water, adding to the elegance of the setting. Bonnie knew a vessel of this kind cost a lot of Claude, indicating Wally had access to some serious cash – perhaps even take-over-the-world cash. As annoying as she found the young royal, she knew he was worth her continued attention. Bonnie knew that if she could suck up to Ron Stoppable to get a ruby belt buckle, she could make nice to Wally if it advanced her long-term global ambitions.

"I think that's such a loss for your people," Bonnie said sympathetically. "I remember how you crushed Kim Possible back in our high school election. At least my classmates saw that you're a natural leader," she added, feeding his ego.

"I was born to lead, wasn't I?" he agreed. "What ever happened to that girl, anyway? She was most annoying."

Bonnie found herself looking at the prince with new appreciation. Unprompted dissing of Kim Possible was always a surefire way of scoring some points with her. "I'm not sure," she lied nonchalantly – the former Middleton High Cheerleader had been keeping close tabs on her rival – "but I think she's going to some dreary college with that loser boyfriend of hers. I'm sure she'll graduate and then she and Stoppable will have two point five brats."

"Hmm," Wally sniffed. "How bourgeois."

"My thoughts exactly," Bonnie agreed, even if she wasn't sure what Wally meant. While Bonnie Rockwaller may have been exceedingly cunning and very clever, she had her academic shortcomings – this was the girl, after all, who thought as recently as her junior year of high school that Cincinnati was a country in Europe. That didn't stop her from trying to sound like she knew whereof she spoke. "Kim _is_ so … boo-zhwa," she said dismissively.

Wally eyed Bonnie. Not surprisingly, he found her to be quite attractive. But that was not all that aroused his interest in her. The young prince may have been insufferable and egocentric, but he had also grown painfully aware of how most people felt about him – he knew of his 'Weak Link Wally' tag – and over the years he'd met his share of sycophants at his father's court. He could tell when someone wanted something from him – and he knew his guest most definitely wanted something. Prince Wally had no doubt that Bonnie Stonefencer was a poseur on the make – and he wanted to know just what she was up to.

III.

Kim and Chippy silently made their way through a dank, narrow tunnel as they headed back to the central chamber of the temple. They were almost at their destination when Kim felt something tug sharply at the side of her skirt. She shifted to look over her shoulder. She immediately regretted doing this when she heard the unmistakable sound of fabric tearing. Kim groaned as her skirt split right down the seam.

"Spankin'," she complained. "This so cannot be happening!"

"What's the problem?" Chippy asked.

"I can't go around like this!" Kim said as her skirt fell away.

"Like what?"

"Hello! Half naked?" she answered. While Kim still had her underwear, she was feeling awfully exposed.

"I don't see the problem," Chippy said. "I actually prefer to go without clothes. These gis have a tendency to ride up, if you know what I mean. Besides, you have a nice figure."

"Thanks," Kim muttered, trying not to sound too acerbic as she added, "Look, I may have gone full monkey, but I am not going to go full Monty!"

"Excuse me?"

"I just need some new clothes, please and thank you," Kim explained in exasperation.

Chippy pursed her lip and scratched her head. "Follow me," she said after a few moments. "I have an idea."

Kim let her diminutive friend lead her to a small egress. Chippy turned and motioned for her to stay where she was. As the monkey ninja dropped through the opening, Kim fought back a momentary spasm of suspicion that Chippy was about to betray her. She knew that concern really made no sense, given all that Chippy had already done for her, and so Kim felt a sharp pang of guilt when the monkey ninja reappeared. Relief and gratitude, however, didn't stop Kim's weirdar from going off when she saw the sheepish expression on the little ninja's face.

"Spill," Kim ordered.

"Well, please don't be angry with me," Chippy said as she clambered back up into the tunnel with a small rucksack. "But this is all I could find that would fit you."

Kim took the bag, fearing she knew what she'd find inside. She wasn't disappointed.

Chippy had brought her nana's Picture Day frock.

IV.

"We should head left," Barkin ordered.

"We're going right," Ron countered.

"Stoppable, I have more experience in this kind of situation," the former soldier said. "My combat-forged instincts tell me we should head that way."

"And my monkey mojo tells me that we want to go the other way," Ron snapped. "Besides, you agreed that I was in charge."

"That was the only to get you to let me accompany you," Barkin said. "I'm changing the ROE."

"Whoa, Stevie," Ron said acidly. "No Monique-speak."

"Rules of Engagement. They're changing," Barkin said with a gleam in his eye. "As a veteran of the Unites States Armed Forces I'm exercising my command prerogatives under the Uniform Code of Military Command Codes, section 24, sub-section 6, paragraph J."

"You're playing me," Ron said suspiciously.

"Do I look like the kind of guy who 'plays' people?" Barkin asked.

Ron looked at him, cocked an eyebrow, and rubbed his chin.

"That was a rhetorical question," the teacher sniped.

"Really? I thought it was one of those questions where you really aren't looking for an answer but just want to make a point," Ron said.

Barkin twitched.

Ron grinned. "Gotcha, Mr. B. Now, to answer your question: normally, I would say no, you don't look like the kind of guy who plays people. However, I also would have said that you weren't a Jane Austen-loving girly man, and we all know you are. So, I have to say yes, yes you would play me."

Barkin seethed. "I am not a girly man."

"Says you," Ron said smugly. "I says you are."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too. To Infinity."

"What?" Barkin asked, confused.

"To infinity. I'm invoking the infinity clause," Ron explained.

"What are you talking about, man?" Barkin demanded.

"You're not familiar with the infinity clause?" Ron asked in disbelief. "And you call yourself an educator!"

Barkin stared goggle-eyed at Ron.

"Now," Ron continued, "I …"

"What's that?" Barkin said.

"What's what?" Ron said.

"That noise. Down there," Barkin replied, pointing to the right.

"Nice try, Steve-o. You're just trying to scare me into taking your tunnel. Well, Ron Stoppable is nobody's fool. I'm not falling for that one …"

Ron's eyes opened wide as he heard the sound, too.

"… Monkey zombie ghost priests!" he cried.

"Cheese and crackers, Stoppable, have you lost your mind?" Barkin asked. "There's no such thing as monkey zombie ghost priests."

"Hmmmph," Ron responded sulkily, "I'd have expected a guy who had enough sense to believe in the Middleton Snow Beast to know that monkey zombie ghost priests could be real. Next thing you'll be telling me you don't believe in Frog Boy …"

V.

"It's Ron," Kim said excitedly. She knew the voice as well as her own – and only he would be prattling on about zombies and mutants while in the bowels of a Cambodian temple complex.

Chippy was surprised when Kim came to a sudden stop.

"What is it?" the ninja asked.

"Ron is so going to freak when he sees me!" Kim said.

"Don't forget that you're his mate and he's yours, Kim," Chippy said reassuringly.

"I know that. And it's not like we haven't faced stranger sitches. We're a team and we'll get through this together," Kim said confidently before adding. "It's just that he's, well, excitable sometimes."

"I do seem to remember he went ape when he first saw me," Chippy said. "Ape," she giggled, pleased with her little joke. "Get it?"

"I got it," Kim said with a roll of the eyes and an indulgent smile; she could see why Ron and Chippy had ultimately hit it off. "Come on," Kim added as she took off down the tunnel.

Kim, having adjusted to her new simian state, was able to move with speed and grace, allowing her, with Chippy following hard on her heels, to race towards Ron's voice. It wasn't long before they reached him. What they found was a surprise to Kim: she saw not only the back of Ron's head but also the unmistakable face of Steve Barkin. And while she had known someone had to be with Ron since talking to himself was not one of her BFBF's many quirks, Steve Barkin was about the last person she'd ever imagine Ron taking into the field. She immediately wondered what had happened to the tweebs and Team Impossible before deciding she'd have to worry about them later. Kim Possible had other problems to deal with just then.

VI.

"AAAIIIEEEEEE!" Barkin screamed.

"What is it?" Ron cried. Due to the especially cramped nature of this part of the tunnel, Ron, who was on his hands and knees, couldn't easily turn around to see what had so scared Barkin.

"M-m-monkey z-zombie g-g-ghost p-priest …" he stammered.

"See, I told you … Eep," Ron squeaked as a hand grabbed his ankle. "Don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. Don't hurt me," he begged.

"Ron, dial down the drama," Kim said. "It's me."

"KP?"

"Yeah."

"Uh, Kim, if you're behind me, why is Stevie babbling?"

She took a deep breath.

"Ron, I've gone full monkey again."

As difficult as it was to do in the confined space, Ron turned himself around. After much twisting and turning and squeezing, he found himself looking into the emerald green eyes of an auburn-haired, human-sized simian.

"How do I know you're actually Kim?" he asked suspiciously.

"Ron," a mildly tweaked Kim replied, "how many talking monkeys do you know?"

"None," he retorted defensively. "But that doesn't mean anything. The last time I thought KP was wearing that dress, she said Quote: Please. You'd never catch me wearing that dress. End Quote."

Kim rolled her eyes. "Ron, my skirt was ruined and I didn't have any other options. It's not like they have a Club Banana here."

Ron looked into her eyes for a minute. "It's really you," he said quietly.

"Yes, it's really me," she replied, trying not to sound exasperated. She loved Ron and was thrilled to see him, but that didn't mean he couldn't be trying.

"Oh, man, I'm so sorry," he said, looking stricken. "KP, you're a tree-dwelling banana-lover because of me. All because I've been a jerk."

Any annoyance Kim might have felt with Ron evaporated as she saw his remorseful expression. Smiling warmly she said, "Well, then maybe that's another reason why we should be together."

"Huh?" he asked, confused.

"We're two jerks made for each other," she explained. "I'm sorry, too, Ron. You were so right about the Food Chain and you were right about my professor."

"What do you mean …" he asked.

"Let's just say that Doctor Strangelove wanted to redefine the one-on-one tutorial," Kim noted.

Ron looked puzzled until he comprehended what she was saying. "He made a move on you?"

"He tried," she said, with a shudder. "I dropped out of his class. But not until I told him my spankin' BF knew monkey kung fu." Kim paused before adding, "That is assuming you are still my spankin' BF."

"'Sha," Ron said. "Of course I'm still your spankin' BF. As long as you're still my badical GF."

"Always," she replied with a warm smile.

They looked into one another's eyes.

Then they uttered the three words that had come to mean so much to them both.

"I love you."

Kim, as was most often the case, was the first to call jinx.

"Aww man,'" Ron whined. With mock disappointment he asked, "So now what do I owe you?"

Much to her surprise and eternal mortification, Kim instinctively answered, "A banana!"

VII.

"Well, that was embarrassing," Crash Cranston said as he and his two compatriots exited the police station into the Parisian night.

"Tell me about it," Burn said. "I still can't believe they confiscated our forks!"

"Will Du will never let us hear the end of this," Dash observed.

The three former heroes-for-hire shuddered at the unpleasant prospect of being razzed by Global Justice's Number One agent as they walked to the Metro. As they approached the entrance, Burn turned on his RaspBerry and saw that he had a phone message. He entered his access code and listened. When he was done, he turned off the device and returned it to its holster.

"You're smiling," Dash said.

"Either of you ever hear of Rhodegan Industries?" Burn asked.

"Aren't they a diversified multinational holding company with operations throughout the Euro Alliance?" Dash asked.

"Yep," Burn said with a grin. "And they need an accountant. I'll catch up with you guys in Middleton … I'm going to Monte Carlotta to crunch some numbers and boost our bottom line."

VIII.

"What do you mean you can't find them?" an incredulous Monkey Fist roared at his shrugging monkey minions. "Try again – and do not return until you have captured them!" he raged from his monkey throne.

The diminutive ninjas scurried back out of the hall.

"Oh, Montykins …" DNAmy trilled.

"Must you call me that?" he snapped.

"Well, what else should I call you, Sweetie-buns?" DNAmy asked.

"Might I suggest 'Your Lordship'," recommended a squat man carrying a silver tray laden with a full tea service.

"Thank you, Bates," Monkey Fist said as he took a bone china cup in hand while he gripped the teapot with one of his feet. The rogue nobleman sighed with contentment as he sipped at his hot beverage. "I have so missed enjoying a proper afternoon tea. Nobody makes a pot of Lapsang Souchong like you do – and the cucumber sandwiches are splendid."

"Thank you, m'lord," the manservant said with a slight dip of the head. "It is good to be back. I must confess that I found working for Lord Yaxley to be most trying."

Monkey Fist grunted. "Word was the old boy was frighteningly potty."

"Let us say he had a most unique thought process. I thought I was adequately prepared for the assignment having read the late Jeeves's decades-spanning entries in the diary at the Junior Ganymede Club …"

"And?" Monkey Fist asked as he sipped at his tea.

"They did not do the experience full justice," Bates answered. "Many might well have denied the possibility, but his lordship has only become more barmy in his dotage."

Monkey Fist sat up with a start. "Wait just a minute there, Bates," he said sharply. "Did you say 'diary'?"

"Yes, m'lord," Bates replied. "All of the gentlemen's gentlemen enter amusing anecdotes about their employers into the book. The tales provide us with great entertainment at our monthly dinners."

"Are you saying that you have shared stories about me with your fellows?" Monkey Fist practically shrieked.

"Yes, m'lord," Bates admitted.

"And just how many of you know about my plans to become Supreme Monkey Ruler?"

"Three dozen," Bates said phlegmatically.

"Three dozen!" Monkey Fist exclaimed. "This is a catastrophe! What if one of them …"

Bates stood stoically as his master ranted. After all, anything was better than listening to Lord Yaxley, more commonly known as Bertie Wooster, attempt to play the trombone …

IX.

"Let me see if I have this straight," Barkin said to Kim. "You were abducted by that deranged English nobleman who was turned into a lemur-man by that twisted sister I met at Mount Middleton a few years ago."

"Hard to believe, but essentially true," Kim confirmed, not bothering to explain to her former teacher that her abductor was part monkey, not lemur. "Thanks to Monkey Fist I'm without question the first freshmonkey in Middleton College history."

"Not for long, KP," Ron said. "We'll get you back to the gizmo thingy Monkey Fist zapped you with and change you back," Ron said.

"Actually," Kim, replied, "we're going to have to find another way to do that. I'm pretty sure his equipment short-circuited."

"Hey, I'm sure we'll just press a couple of buttons and Monkey Butt's doodad will be as good as new," Ron said encouragingly. "I bet it just needs a little bit of the Ron Factor."

"I don't mean to dis the Ron Factor," Kim interjected, "but I saw smoke and flames erupt from the barrel."

"Admittedly, fire is usually not a good sign," Ron said. "Okay, let's call Wade and get out of here."

"Not just yet, Ron," Kim said, much to his surprise.

"Uh, KP, am I missing something here? I'd think you'd be all about getting home so Wade or your mom could get to work on undoing whatever Monkey Fist did to you."

"Believe me, I am so all about getting home," Kim said as she scratched herself. "But first we need to help Chippy."

"And just who is Chippy?" Barkin demanded.

The diminutive monkey ninja squirmed her way past Kim, waved at Barkin, then grinned at Ron, before scampering over to the young man and giving him a hug.

"Cheese and crackers! They changed a toddler into a monkey, too!" Barkin exclaimed. "That's it. We're evacuating now before anyone else is involuntarily enlisted in this twisted scheme to violate the very laws of nature."

"We're not evacuating anywhere," Kim said calmly yet firmly before she did something that surprised both Ron and Barkin. She continued to speak, but the sounds emanating from her mouth sounded like chittering and screeching and not English.

"Ron, do you understand me?" she asked.

Much to his surprise, he did. Even more surprising, he was able to respond in kind. "Coolio! I speak monkey!"

"And I can barely notice your accent," Chippy said. "Your diction is excellent."

"Why is Barkin here?" Kim asked cutting off the pleasantries. "And why is he acting like he's in charge?"

"You want the long version or the short?" Ron replied.

"Cliff Notes version, please and thank you."

"Second question first: Because he's Barkin. Dogs dog, bees bee, Barkins bark orders. As for why he's here, he and Mom are dating …"

"Whoa!" Kim exclaimed. "And I thought my sitch was off the weirdness charts!"

"… Yeah," Ron said with a grin, "I thought it was pretty awkweird, too, but they're kinda serious. Anyway, Mom was worried about me coming after you alone because of my leg and everything …"

"She was right to be worried," Kim chided. "You know you're not ready for fieldwork."

"Kimila, don't even go there," Ron said testily. "'Kay?"

"I will go there," she retorted. "You could have hurt yourself even more. What if …"

"Kim," Ron said cutting her off, "whether my leg gets better or not isn't really important to me, not if you're in danger. You're more important, okay?"

"I am so not okay with that, Ron Stoppable. I hate seeing my BF hurt." Without hesitating, Kim leaned over and kissed him on the nose. Much to her relief, he grinned and didn't have a monkeyphobic attack. "Now, back to Barkin."

"The tweebs are in the Amazin' Rain Forest and the Three Stooges got into trouble with the law in France," Ron explained.

"Spankin'," Kim grumbled, not really wanting to contemplate the nature of the trouble Team Impossible had gotten themselves into.

"Anyway, Steve-o offered to come with me so Mom wouldn't worry."

"And how did he wind up in charge?"

"He's not. He's just being Barkin," Ron said with a roll of the eyes. "He's pretty harmless if you ignore him. So, what's going down here?"

"Maybe Chippy should fill you in."

Ron could see that the monkey ninja was excited. "Kim was going to help me lead the monkey ninjas to freedom. But this is even better! You were destined to be our leader."

"What are you talking about?" Ron asked.

"Don't you remember when we went to space?"

"Uh, would that be the time Monty tried to take over Kim's dad's space station because he thought some monkey prophecy told him to?"

"Yes!" Chippy exclaimed. "And do you remember when we got back?"

"Hmmm," Ron said. "Well, you guys followed me around for awhile. And then you just kinda left and went back to Monty."

"Well, you didn't seem interested in being our leader …"

"Ah, yeah, well, you know, caring for Rufus takes more time than you'd think. There's his Pilates and the aroma therapy …"

"Ron," Kim interjected. "Chippy wants to lead a revolt."

"You mean turn against Monty?" Ron asked.

"Yes," Chippy said. "But we need a leader who can convince the monkey ninjas to rebel. I thought Kim would be a great alpha monkey, but you'd be even better!"

"What do you think, KP?"

"I think we should do it," she said with resolve. "They deserve a better life, and Monkey Fist would be much less trouble without his own army of ninjas."

"Good points, Kimbo," Ron replied before he began rubbing his chin. "Uh, any ideas as to what I'm going to do with a bunch of monkey ninjas. Sure, my own personal army sounds cool. But while Felix is pretty easy-going, I don't think he's going to be down with my monkey peeps living in our dorm room."

"I've actually thought about that," Kim said. "They could live at Yamanuchi. So what do you think?"

"I think it's time for a smackdown in Monty's town," Ron growled.

"Slammin' – but no fighting for you," Kim said firmly. "You do the talking, I'll do the fighting if there's any that needs to be done."

"Okay, I can work with that, KP."

"Oh, thank you," Chippy enthused as she once again embraced Ron, then hugged Kim. "You two are the best."

"Hey, we're heroes," Ron said as he smiled at Kim and Chippy. "It's what we do!"

X.

Shego, her arms crossed and her mouth formed in a scowl, impatiently tapped her foot as she scanned the busy transportation hub. Phin, meanwhile, the model of ennui, discretely glanced at his watch.

"Where is he?" she snapped. Shego and Phin had been waiting in the darkened warehouse near La Defense for close to an hour. She would much rather have been back in bed at the luxurious George V, enjoying breakfast.

"I am sure he will be here soon," Phin answered. "He is a busy man, after all."

"Great. And I'm a busy woman. If he doesn't show up in the next ten minutes, I'm outta here."

"And what would you do with the painting then, Shego-san? It is not inconspicuous."

The green-hued villainess turned to the new voice. "Sensei?" she exclaimed in surprise as she spun around to see the aged headmaster of the Yamanuchi School. "You're Toshida-san?"

"I did not know that the two of you were acquainted," Phin commented.

"Acquainted? This guy busted my chops for two years!" Shego snapped.

"I am most sorry for the delay," he said as he stood before his former student and her partner in crime. "And I ask your forgiveness," he added as he bowed before them.

"No apologies are necessary, Toshida-san," Phin said. "However, twenty-five million dollars would be most welcome."

"I assume that you are sharing the proceeds?" Sensei asked.

Shego and Phin nodded.

"It is as I anticipated," the short man said.

"Hold on," Shego said, shaking her head. "This is whack. Since when do you pay people to jack art?"

"In my time I have done many things that would surprise you, Shego-san. This was necessary to bring the two of you together in a way that would build a bond of trust," Sensei said serenely.

"Wait just a minute there, Chief. You set us up?" Shego snapped.

"The panda that knows not that its mate is munching bamboo on the other side of the tree will always be alone."

"Oh, no!" Shego exclaimed in disgust, "Not with the aphorisms again!"

Sensei eyed Shego with an appraising eye, then offered a small, knowing smile. Finally, he asked, "Where is the painting?"

"Mona's hanging out in a secure location," Shego explained. "You two can hook up when we know you've got the dinero …"

Sensei seemed surprised.

"Doy! I don't trust you," she snapped.

"Very well, Shego-san," Sensei said. "Though it pains me that after your studies with me you do not have confidence in me. You know that it would be most dishonorable for me to take the painting without providing you fair compensation."

"You have got to be kidding me," Shego retorted. "You are so whack."

Phin looked at Shego; his expression was one of curiosity.

"Sensei here runs a secret ninja school," she explained.

Phin turned his gaze to Sensei and cocked an eyebrow. The old master nodded, indicating the truth of what Shego had said.

"And what does Sensei's position have to do with him being whack?" Phin asked.

"He wants to know why I don't trust him!" Shego exclaimed incredulously. "Hellooooo! He's a ninja! He skulks, moves silently in the night, operates in the shadows, yadda, yadda, yadda. Oh, and by the way, did I mention that he can float and make himself disappear?"

"Those are most impressive skills," Phin said with frank admiration.

"The man who leaves no footprints need not fear being followed," the old man observed as if pointing out the obvious.

"Wherever you go, there you are," Phin responded sagely.

"The duck that barks is believed not to be a duck by both friend and foe and so may go where other ducks may not," Sensei said.

"Though the wind travels the world unseen and has no form, it may fell even the mightiest mountain," Phin replied.

"GRRRR! And I am the walrus, coo coo ki choo!" Shego snapped as she threw up her hands. "Look, if you want anymore breakfasts," she said to Phin, who clearly understood the deeper meaning of her statement, "you'll stop. Now. And you," Shego sputtered as she turned to Sensei, "you know, you still make my head hurt!"

"Only because you have chosen to close your ears to the vista before you."

"I believe that is a mixed metaphor," Phin observed.

"My bad," Sensei said as he offered a gracious bow.

"Oy," Shego groaned. "Can we just get this over with and call it a day?"

"Very well. How would you like to proceed?" Sensei asked.

"I believe we should retrieve your acquisition and proceed to your bank, where we will exchange the item for our fee."

"As you wish," Sensei replied with another slight bow.

XI.

Bonnie luxuriated in the hot water of the Jacuzzi; it had been a long time since she'd felt so relaxed. She took another sip from the flute of champagne as she gazed at the sophisticated gambling mecca's skyline. Then she cast a glance over at Wally, who was seated on the other side of the tub. She'd never met anybody as narcissistic as the young royal – save her sisters Connie and Lonnie – and for reasons she couldn't articulate, she found his self-absorption affirming. She knew she was the center of the universe, or least ought to be. Wally felt the same way – and that meant Bonnie could understand him.

His resentment towards his father was palpable; Bonnie could empathize with the emotion. She felt the same way towards her mother, who, while well intentioned, had proven to be the cause of so much embarrassment over the years. Bonnie still seethed whenever she recalled how during her sophomore year her Mom had called her Bon-Bon in front of her classmates. That was yet another humiliation Bonnie could lay at the feet of Kim Possible, and for which Bonnie intended to make her pay.

The erstwhile cheerleader grinned as she contemplated defeating, once and for all, her former rival. That she would succeed where Shego had failed would make her eventual triumph that much more satisfying. Bonnie's grin faded as she realized she still had nothing more than a vague plan and no way – yet – of implementing it. However, if all went right with Wally, that could all change, and quickly.

"So, Ms. Stonefencer, what are you thinking?" the young dauphin asked in his supercilious tone.

"Wally, what do you want?" Bonnie asked in return.

"What do you mean?" he wondered.

"What's the one thing you want most in the world?"

"To gain what is rightfully mine – the throne, of course."

"Is that all?" she wondered dismissively.

"Is that all?" he parroted. "I wish to rule my kingdom! What about you?"

"I want what's mine," she said.

"And what would that be?"

"Everything," she said with a rapacious grin.

"Everything?" he asked.

"Everything. You don't watch much TV, do you?"

"No," he confessed. "I have better things to do than watch jumped-up peasants call me 'Weak Link Wally'."

"So you don't know who I am?"

"I know that you are a woman on the make who thinks I can help her get what she wants. You are cunning and willing to use all of your assets to get what you desire. And I suspect that your name isn't really Stonefencer …"

Bonnie sat up, surprised.

"… Based on your reaction, I will assume that I am right. So, who are you, really, and what do you want?"

Bonnie considered her response before she sidled up next to Wally, placed her hand on his thigh and whispered into his ear, "The name's Bonnie Rockwaller, we really did meet in Middleton – I so enjoyed watching you crush Possible in that election – and I want to take over the world."

"Really?" Wally responded.

"Really," Bonnie said as she began to run her fingers through his hair.

"And I take it you are trying to convince me to help you in your scheme?"

"What do you think?" Bonnie said.

"I think I may be open to persuasion …"

XII.

Shego and Phin retrieved the painting from its storage place and then headed out to the curb where they met Sensei and hailed a taxi. A cab pulled up, they stowed the famous piece of artwork, which was wrapped in brown paper and twine, in the trunk, and climbed into the vehicle, which took them to the Second Arrondissement. There, they pulled up to a nondescript door behind which one would find, if one knew to look, a Zurich-based private bank that served extremely powerful individuals who preferred to maintain an exceedingly low financial profile.

The trio exited the car. As Phin retrieved the painting, Sensei paid the driver, who left. The old ninja master rang the bell; soon the door opened and an elderly retainer, who clearly recognized the man from Japan, granted the three visitors admittance. Shego and Phin followed Sensei into the oak-paneled foyer where they all took seats and awaited the arrival of Sensei's banker.

Moments later, a trim, balding man of about sixty, dressed in a conservative yet impeccably tailored suit, appeared.

"Toshida-san," he said with a perfect bow. "It is an honor to see you."

"Monsieur Ducat," Sensei said, returning the bow. "The honor is mine. My colleagues and I need to conduct a few minutes of business before I ask for your assistance with a transaction. Is there a room where we may confer in private?"

"Please, follow me," the banker said as he led them down a corridor on whose wall striking canvases hung. The trio followed him through a door at the end of the hall and on the left into a richly appointed conference room. It was agreed that Ducat would leave for ten minutes, then return to help the threesome conclude their business.

After the banker left and closed the door, Sensei carefully removed the wrapper from the painting and satisfied himself that he was indeed holding the _Mona Lisa_. Once he had done that, he repackaged the stolen artwork, then pressed a buzzer and summoned their host.

"I would like to transfer twelve point five million dollars into each of their accounts," Sensei said without explanation.

"Of course," the banker said with a small smile. "All I will need is some information, and I will proceed.'

Shego and Phin provided the data needed by Ducat, who left the room. A few minutes later, having transferred the payments to their respective financial institutions, the banker handed receipts to each of the criminals.

"May I help you with anything else today?" Ducat asked Sensei.

"No thank you," he replied.

"Very well," the banker said as he excused himself once again.

"It has been a pleasure doing business with you … Toshida-san," Phin said with a bow. "I hope you enjoy your acquisition."

"Thank you, Du-san," the Japanese man said. "You and Shego-san are a most formidable pair. Perhaps I might interest you in another engagement, one that you would find more challenging?"

Phin and Shego looked at one another. Shego shrugged; she had never liked Sensei. However, she very much liked his money. Phin then turned to the old man. "We are amenable to hearing the details."

"I am most pleased to hear that," the old ninja master said before he explained what he had in mind. "The heron that fails to spread its wings never flies."

"Hold on a moment," Shego said. "We're game, but on one condition …"

Sensei cocked an inquisitive eyebrow.

"… I never, ever want to hear one of your cockamamie aphorisms again, do I make myself clear?"

_TBC …_


	4. Chapter 4

Yes, like the mythic Scottish village of Brigadoon, _Epic Sitch: Big Monkey on Campus_ has returned to make one of its periodic visits! I hope you enjoy this installment.

Thanks to US.Steel, Lonestarr, CajunBear73, spectre666, AtomicFire, Commander Argus, Quathis, whitem, Shewhodanceswithdragons, surforst, Jeanie/Beanie33, Josh84, daywalkr82, oneredneckgoddess, qtpie235, Molloy, campy, jasminevr, Joe Stoppinghem, Ace Ian Combat, conan98002, Meca Vegeta, Danny0171984, Kipcha, Jillie Rose, and Trombe for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Special thanks and a Kimarito to campy for proofreading this chapter.

As always, leave a review, get a response.

If you saw it on _KP_, it belongs to Disney, otherwise, it's mine.

* * *

MrDrP's story recommendation of the week: _Ronicus ad Porta_ by Mr. Wizard. Kim Possible + the Roman Republic equals One Good Read.

* * *

I. 

"May I help you?" the receptionist asked the well-groomed, lantern-jawed gentleman standing before her.

"Yes," the visitor replied. "I'm here to see Rodney Gunn."

"And who may I say is calling?" she asked.

"Burn Berman, Certified Public Accountant."

"Please, have a seat," she said. "Mr. Gunn will be with you shortly."

"Thank you," Burn said. He walked over to the sitting area and looked out the plate glass window. He was on the 67th story of the Rhodegan Industries headquarters tower. The sleek, modern building, designed by world famous architect Renzo Cello, dominated the Monte Carlotta skyline, testifying to the power and influence of its knightly proprietors. Burn enjoyed the sweeping vista that took in the crowded kingdom and the azure sea beyond. He was most impressed by the collection of yachts, or more accurately the wealth they represented, that he saw in the harbor.

Burn turned as he heard footsteps. Coming in his direction was a tall, fit man with brown hair, wearing a black suit and purple turtleneck.

"Good morning, Mr. Berman," his host said as he extended his hand. "Rodney Gunn."

"A pleasure to meet you," the CPA said.

"Quite a view, isn't it?" Rodney asked.

"Yes, it is," Burn agreed.

"Why don't we go to the observation deck?" Gunn said. "I'll point out the local landmarks."

"Thank you," Burn said. At this point in the engagement, Burn would do whatever a potential client wanted. This was still the courtship phase, after all, and Gunn had yet to actually retain Burn's services. Besides, he was interested in learning more about the tiny kingdom.

The two men boarded the elevator and rode to the building's rooftop. Rodney walked Burn around the perimeter of the deck, pointing out the mountains to the north, west, and east, and the sea to the south.

"Monte Carlotta has always enjoyed defenses from external aggressors," the knight explained. "Impassable mountains on three sides and a harbor that is easily defended. Throughout our history, our only real enemies have been the ruling family."

"Do you still perceive them to be a threat?" Burn asked.

"Not anymore," Rodney said. "The current king has announced that at the end of his reign, Monte Carlotta will become a republic."

"How does his heir feel about all of this?" the CPA inquired.

"Weak Link Wally?" Rodney snorted. "I'm not sure he even knows how to think. He's nothing but a sybaritic playboy. A very rich, sybaritic playboy."

"How rich?" Burn asked.

"See that yacht?" Rodney replied as he pointed towards the harbor; Burn nodded. "That was Wally's eighteenth birthday present. To himself."

Burn whistled. As he studied the luxury vessel and the helicopter on its afterdeck, he wondered if he was talking with the wrong potential client.

"Now to business," Rodney stated. "You're wondering why I asked you here."

"The question did occur to me," Burn said. "I'm assuming that your company has a team of crack accountants at its disposal."

"It does," Rodney said with pride. "Rhodegan Industries employs some of the best number-crunching talent in the Euro Alliance. But sometimes, when we are considering an acquisition in the States we like to retain outside help. And you have an excellent reputation."

"Thank you," Burn said. "So, who might the takeover target be?"

"Pop Pop Porter's Frozen Foods."

II.

"This situation is whack," Shego said as she leaned back in the comfortable leather seat and gazed out the window.

"How so?" Phin asked as he enjoyed a snack; the globetrotting criminal was impressed by the quality of the food on board the jet that had been provided by the man he knew as Toshida-san. "By the way, have you tried the prosciutto? It's excellent."

Shego reached out to the proffered tray, took a morsel, and popped it into her mouth. "Not bad. Not bad at all."

"I thought you'd agree," Phin said. "Now, you were saying?"

"Sensei's throwing away money like Drakken in a showroom filled with shiny doomsday weapons and free donuts," she explained. "First the 25 big ones for the painting, now another five to pick up some fruit statue in Cambodia. I don't get it. And I don't like it. He's not telling us something."

"You don't trust him," Du stated.

"Not as far as I can throw him," Shego said.

"Yet here we are en route to Cambodia," Du observed.

"Hey, I may be suspicious," Shego replied. "But I'm also curious. I want to know what's going down here."

Phin looked at his watch. "We should be on site in less than an hour."

Shego leered at her beau. "Sounds like enough time for us to take out a joint membership in the Mile High Club. You interested?"

Phin smiled at the raven-haired supervillain. "I have always been a proponent of participating in voluntary associations …" he said as he rose and took her hand.

III.

"Okay, and then we make a dramatic entrance and I say, 'Monkey Ninjas of the world, unite, you have nothing to lose but your chains!'" Ron said enthusiastically. "So, what do you think?"

"That has got to be dumbest thing I have ever heard!" Barkin sniped.

"Oh, like you know anything about monkey oratory!" Ron shot back.

The exchange between Barkin and Ron was on the verge of devolving into a puerile war of words. However, before that could happen, Kim intervened. "Will you two keep your heads in the game?"

"But, KP …" Ron whined.

"Head. In. The. Game," she growled.

"Gotcha," he said submissively.

"Chippy, what did you think of Ron's speech?" Kim asked, intrigued by Ron's idea of how to persuade the monkey ninjas to change sides.

"It was dramatic, vivid, inspiring," the monkey ninja enthused. "It was … badical!"

Ron beamed and exchanged a high five with his diminutive friend.

"It was ridiculous," Barkin muttered.

"Uh, I think the monkey expert said it was badical," Ron said with satisfaction.

"Cheese and crackers, man! Listen to yourself!" Barkin sputtered. "You're basking in the approval of a monkey!"

"Hey, I'm open-minded!" Ron said.

"Being open-minded requires a mind," Barkin muttered.

"Was that a shot?" Ron asked. "Cause if that was, I'm going to have to have a little talk with Mom about her supposedly sensitive, Jane Austen-loving BF."

"You wouldn't dare," Barkin said.

"I would and I will," Ron said. "It's not like you can give me detention … _Stevie_," Ron said smugly as he enjoyed a moment of vindication.

"Stoppable …" Barkin growled.

"Barkin …" Ron retorted.

Chippy and Kim exchanged exasperated looks.

"Boys," the monkey ninja sighed.

"They really are all tweebs …" Kim observed.

IV.

Phin and Shego sat hunched over a map of the monkey temple compound that Sensei had provided.

"There are twelve buildings," Phin observed.

"Yeah, but it's obvious where the idol is going to be …"

Phin looked up from the map to his lover, who was smirking at him.

"… C'mon, Sport. You know it's going to be in this one," she said as she pointed at the building in the center of the compound. "You worship monkeys, you build temples, you're going to put your monkey idol …"

"… jade banana," Phin corrected.

"… in the biggest, most important building," Shego snarled.

"A most logical assumption," Phin said with a conciliatory gesture.

"Good thing to know that all those years with Drakken didn't completely kill my ability to think," Shego said with a rueful chuckle. Then, to Phin's surprise, she looked away and out the window of the jet.

"Is something wrong?" he asked.

"Nah, just thinking about old times," Shego said.

"You miss him," he stated.

Shego looked back at Phin. "Yeah, I guess I do. Don't get me wrong, this is great. In fact, it's incredible," she said truthfully. "But Doctor D's kinda like family. We had some good times together. And now he's out of the game."

"When did you last see him?"

"About three months ago," Shego confessed. "It was just too hard, seeing him in that straight jacket. I just couldn't …" she trailed off.

Phin reached over and took Shego's hand. "Perhaps when we get back, and we collect our fee, we can go see him together."

Shego looked at Phin with gratitude. "Thanks, Sport," she said as she squeezed his hand. "I'd appreciate that." Then she took a deep breath and looked back down at the map. "Okay, back to work. So, assuming Sensei's banana thingie is in here …"

V.

The morning sun bathed the wealthy denizens of Monte Carlotta and their expensive playthings in a warm Mediterranean light. The temperature hovered in the mid seventies and the few clouds that scudded across the sky appeared to be present solely to add to the beauty of the day. The weather was perfect, exactly as Prince Wally, who was at the wheel of his very expensive convertible, felt it should be.

The ride from the harbor to the royal palace wasn't very long, especially if one drove at breakneck speed, which was Wally's wont. He covered the distance in no time and it wasn't long before the young royal was driving up the tree-lined drive to the imposing edifice that for generations had been the home of the kingdom's rulers. Before he even came to a stop, liveried footmen were dashing down the steps to meet him.

"Your Highness," one of them said as he opened the door to the car.

"Good morning, Juan," Wally said as he tossed his keys to the man, who was actually named Carlos. "Where's Daddy?"

"His Majesty is breakfasting on the terrace. Should I arrange a repast for you and your guest?"

"Please do," the prince said. "Come, Bonnie. It's time for Daddy to meet you."

Wally led Bonnie, who was fussing with her wind-swept hair, up the marble steps and through the entrance of the marble pile. She was impressed, but not overly so. She had dated Junior, scion of one of the five richest men in the world, after all, and so was familiar with opulence. Still, she admitted, she could get used to living here.

The two reprobates walked down the long corridor, past ancient sculptures, Old Master paintings, and ancient tapestries. Finally, they came to a set of tall French doors that were open to the morning breeze. Wally led Bonnie out onto the broad patio where the king, who was reading papers of state, was seated while eating his breakfast. When he heard his son approach he turned and rose.

"Wallace," he said in greeting before his eyes opened wide. "Aren't you …"

"Bonnie Rockwaller, your Majesty," she said. "It's like such an honor to meet you."

"Wallace," the king said sternly. "Do you know who this is?"

"Of course, I do, Daddy," he answered. "Bonnie was one of my classmates in America."

"She's also the young woman who tried to take over the world," the older royal said acidulously.

"Oh," Bonnie said with a dismissive wave of the hand. "That was so like last season."

"I see," the king said. "Unfortunately, the international law enforcement community doesn't see it that way. Global Justice and the Euro Alliance still have outstanding warrants for your arrest, and I have treaty obligations to meet. I'm afraid that I'm going to have to have you taken into custody."

"What!" Bonnie exclaimed. "You can't do that!"

"I can, young lady, and I will," the king said as he gestured to one of his aides.

"But, Daddy," Wally whined. "Bonnie's my new girlfriend!"

"Another reason to have Ms. Rockwaller arrested," the elder royal said. "Your reputation is weak enough as it is. Dating an aspiring supervillain can only make things worse."

"Daddy, what if I told you I'd begin to take my studies seriously if you let Bonnie remain free."

The king looked at his wastrel son skeptically.

"I'll do all the things you wanted. Give up the gambling, the drinking. I'll go volunteer and do good works in the community."

"You'd do that for her?"

"Yes, Daddy," Wally wheedled. "I would."

The king turned to Bonnie.

"And you promise to give up your evil ways?"

"Oh, yes," Bonnie said. "It was just a phase."

The king considered the situation. He didn't trust Bonnie, but he was desperate to get his son to do something useful with his life. "I'm still not sure about this, but I'm willing to try something on a trial basis …"

VI.

"Where are they?" Monkey Fist groused.

"It is a large complex, m'lord," Bates said soothingly. "More tea?"

"Thank you, Bates," the deranged Englishman said as he extended the foot with which he held his bone china cup for a refill. "Do you have any more of the petits fours?"

"But of course, m'lord," the butler said as he produced a silver tray containing the dainty treats.

"Monteykins!" DNAmy trilled as she skipped into the chamber. "You look so frowny."

"I can't imagine why," he said as he looked at the mad geneticist who still harbored amorous feelings towards him.

"Well, I'm going to replace your bile with a smile!" she cooed. "Come with me!"

Monty sighed. "Is this necessary?"

"Only if you want to see your new army!"

The nobleman-turned-monkey-man perked up. "My new army?"

"I really think you're going to like them!" Amy enthused. "They're vicious!"

"Well, a supreme monkey master can always use additional forces," Monkey Fist said as he hopped off his throne. "Show me …"

VII.

"Psst! Darwin!"

The monkey ninja turned to see his missing colleague in the shadows. "Chippy?" His eyes grew wide as he saw the outlines of two humans and one giant monkey by her side. "What's going on?"

"Do you remember Ron?" Chippy asked as the tow-headed young man limped out from the darkness.

"Hey, dude," Ron said.

"You!" another monkey ninja, this one named Caesar, snarled.

"Whoa, peace out," Ron said nervously.

"You were supposed to be our leader," a third monkey, known as Bonzo, said accusingly. "Then you just abandoned us!"

"Yeah, look about that, well, er, um …" Ron said, rubbing the back of his neck.

"He's sorry," Kim said as she joined her BFBF. "Ron's ready to fulfill the prophecy. Right, Ron?"

"Oh yeah," he agreed. "I'm all about fulfilling prophecies, KP!"

"You mean …" Darwin said in awe.

"Yup, yup," Ron said. "The new Supreme Monkey Ruler is in the house!"

"You really mean it?" Bonzo asked.

"Yeah," Ron answered. "And you guys will be my, uh, monkey army."

"What's in it for us?" a previously silent monkey named Roddy inquired.

"Uh, full benefits, four weeks vacation, dental …" Ron said, hoping Yamanuchi could provide those things to his soon-to-be dependents.

"What about a pension plan?" Caesar asked. "I don't want to wind up spending my golden years in some medical lab."

"Dude, you guys don't know how good you're going to have it," Ron replied, not looking forward to the conversation he was going to be having with Yamanuchi's CFO, who happened to be an elderly woman who amused herself by also fulfilling the role of Master Lunch Lady.

The monkey ninjas looked at one another, then began talking rapidly amongst themselves. "Okay, we're with you!"

"Badical," Ron said before his smile turned into a disappointed frown.

"What's wrong, Ron?" Kim asked.

"I never got to make my speech!" he whined. "Aww man!"

VIII.

Shego and Phin jumped out of the aircraft and free fell before they activated the rockets on their flying boogie boards.

"Hey, not bad," she said as she watched her partner maneuver his board. "Your form's pretty good."

"Thank you," Phin called out. "However, my form is nothing compared to yours," he said as he clearly admired Shego's figure.

"That's so sweet," she cooed in response. "You really know how to make a villainess feel special!"

"I try," he replied with a grin.

"You succeed," she said warmly before her playful tone changed to something more serious. "Great, Monkey Fist's here," she said as she spotted Monkey Fist's plane with its distinctive banana-shaped fuselage.

"You are acquainted with the aircraft's owner?" Phin asked.

"Oh yeah," she answered. "He's crazy, he's dangerous. And he's into martial arts and monkeys."

"Did you say 'monkeys'?" Phin asked.

"Sure did, Sport," Shego said as she made a graceful landing on the far side of the complex. "You know how most villains have henchmen?"

"Yes," Phin said as he landed by his partner's side.

"Monty doesn't use henchman."

"I see. Does he have a robot army?"

"Nope," Shego answered. "He has monkey ninjas," she explained with a roll of the eyes.

Phin arched an eyebrow. "Monkey ninjas. Most unusual."

"That's one way to put it," Shego snarked. "Totally whack is another."

"And you say he's dangerous?"

"Oh yeah," she said. "He's dangerous. Fortunately, though," she added with a malevolent grin as she fired up her glow power, "we're more dangerous."

IX.

Ron looked at Kim, who seemed lost in thought. "You want to get the Jade Banana thingie, don't you?"

"Am I that predicable?" she sighed.

"Stolen treasure in a villain's hands? Yeah, you're that predictable," he said with a huge grin.

"Okay, you got me," Kim said with a grin of her own.

"So, what's the plan?" Ron asked.

"We infiltrate the chamber, retrieve the banana – I so can't believe I said that – and leave."

"Sounds easy enough to me, KP," Ron said as he wrapped an arm around his BFGF's shoulder. "You want to take point, Mr. B.?"

Barkin looked at Ron through narrowed eyes.

"What?" Ron yelped. "You're the guy with combat experience. I thought you'd want to take the lead."

Barkin's features softened. "That's touching, Stoppable. Thanks."

"No problem, Mr. B!" Ron replied before turning to his minions. "You guys ready?

The monkey ninjas began jumping up and down and hooting and hollering.

"I'll take that as a yes," Ron said.

"Remember, everybody: be careful," Kim said. "Monkey Boy may still have some tricks up his sleeve."

"Then we'll just have to have more tricks up our sleeves," Ron declared.

"Like what?" Barkin asked.

"Like, uh, well, okay, I got nuthin'," Ron conceded. "But at least we've got muscle," he said as he hooked a thumb at the monkey ninjas, then grinned. "I've always wanted muscle!"

Barkin rolled his eyes. "Okay people, er, monkeys, let's move out!"

_TBC …  
_

* * *

A/N: Readers of Chapter 4 Reviews may notice references to a scene involving Felix and Tara that no longer appears. Upon consideration, I concluded that particular plot thread did not work for a variety of reasons and so removed it from the story. 


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks to daywalkr82, calamite, Jillie Rose, CajunBear73, campy, Josh84, pinkymint, Danny-171984, JeanieBeani33, RonHeartbreaker, Lonestarr, Quathis, whitem, Jasminevr, TexasDad, Ultimate Naco Topping, spectre666, Yankee Bard, AtomicFire, Desslock3, Molloy, SassMasterGeneral, Uru Baen, Kipcha, Trombe, Mr. Wizard, and mooneasterbunny for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Special thanks to campy for beta- and proofreading. His assistance, is always, is most appreciated. I'd send him a Country Club Banana gift card as a way of saying thanks, but my credit's not that good …

Leave a review, get a response.

If you saw it on _KP_, it belongs to Disney.

* * *

MrDrP's story recommendation of the week: _Diplomacy in Action_ by RonHeartbreaker. Follow Kim (and Ron) in this well-written, engaging tale as she begins her career in the Foreign Service with BFBF, now husband, by her side.

* * *

I. 

"There it is," Kim said as she pointed towards the center of the cavernous chamber.

In the center of the great room an obsidian black banana floated above a rune-covered plinth. The immense space was dark, save for the golden light that bathed the ancient object.

"You ever wonder why these things are just left out in the open?" Ron asked. "I mean, if they're so valuable –"

"Focus, Ron," Kim said curtly.

"Gotcha, KP," he replied sheepishly. "The Ronman's all about focusing for his badical GF."

Kim's attitude towards her BFBF immediately softened. "That's so sweet," she cooed.

"Hey, I do what I can," he said.

"Then keep quiet," Barkin snapped. "I want to review our SOP and ROE before we hit the LZ."

"Um, what did he just say?" Chippy asked.

Ron shrugged his shoulders. "Don't ask me. I only speak English."

"He wants to go over the plan before we go in," Kim explained.

"Oh, I see," the monkey ninja said. "Why didn't he just say so?"

Barkin gritted his teeth as he silently counted to ten. "As I was saying," he continued, "Stoppable will lead Task Force Delta Tango while I lead Strike Force Random Fury. The two teams will stage flanking actions while Possible infiltrates the perimeter and extracts the object. Any questions?"

Darwin pulled a face before he raised his hand. "Yes, I have one," the monkey said. "What are you talking about?"

"Ooo! Ooo! Let me try this one!" Ron said. "I think he said some of you are with me and some of you are with him while KP grabs the banana thingie!"

"Nicely done, Ron," Kim said as she smiled with pride at him.

The soldier-turned-educator slapped his forehead. "I knew I should have kept that promise to myself to never again go into the field with monkeys and former students," he muttered before adding in a commanding voice, "Okay people, let's go in!"

II.

"There it is," Shego said as she pointed towards the ancient object afloat in the center of the room.

"How would you like to proceed?" Phin asked.

"I'll go in first, you cover me," she answered.

Shego was about to emerge from the passage and enter the chamber when she spotted movement in the shadows.

"Snap," she swore.

"What is it?" Phin asked.

"Stoppable's here," she said. "Which means Kimmie must be, too. Change in plan: I go in, you stay here." Seeing the look on her partner's face, the villainess continued. "Sport, Princess and her boyfriend know your brother. Right now, they think he's an only child. You show up …"

"… And they will know he is not."

"Bingo. And so much for you ever replacing Will and us taking over Global Justice."

"Very well, then," Phin said before resting his hand on her arm and adding, "Be careful."

Shego looked at her partner. For the first time since she'd met Du she saw something other than unalloyed confidence on his face. Her first reaction was to be annoyed; she could handle herself out there. But then she realized what she saw wasn't doubt but worry. Phin cared about her and didn't want to see her hurt. "You can count on it," she promised.

Then she turned and slipped into the chamber.

III.

"Well, what do you think?" Wally asked as Bonnie took in the view from the balcony. She had been brought to a royal lodge high in the border mountains of Monte Carlotta. The house enjoyed a breathtaking panorama, surrounded by open sky – but it was also enveloped by a sense of isolation.

"It'll do, I guess," she sulked. "I just feel like a prisoner."

"Better to feel like a prisoner while in the lap of luxury than to be one for real in a Euro Alliance jail," the king said as he joined the two young people outdoors. "I think I'm being very generous, Ms. Rockwaller. By all rights, I should have you arrested."

"I know," Bonnie said with resignation. She leaned on the balustrade and peered at the mountains. Beyond the peaks was Europe – and the rest of the world. Wally's father was right. This was better than the alternative. And this would be a good place to bide her time, restore her reputation, and plan her next move. She turned to the king. "Okay, Your Majesty, I accept your offer."

"Very well, then," he said before turning to his son. "Wallace, I expect to see you at the Palace tomorrow morning at eight."

"Yes, Daddy," the prince replied.

Wally and Bonnie watched the elder royal leave.

"He has to go," Bonnie said.

"What do you mean? He just left," Wally said.

"I mean he has to stop being king," she explained. "We so need to get you into that palace."

"You don't want me to hurt Daddy?" he said, aghast.

"No, that won't be necessary," Bonnie assured him. "But you're going to have to convince him to step down so you can run for president."

"But who will vote for Weak Link Wally?" he countered bitterly.

"Oh, they'll vote for you after you've spent some time doing good deeds and spreading your cash around. You just have to show them you care."

"You want me to care about the little people?" he wailed.

Bonnie rolled her eyes. "I said show you care. I didn't say actually care."

Wally smiled superciliously. "I guess I can do that. Perhaps I can hold a park clean-up on Saturday."

"It'd be a start," Bonnie said.

"A start?" Wally whined. "You mean I have to do more?"

"A lot more," she said with a predatory grin. "But when you're done, it's going to be like the Middleton High election all over again: you'll be at the top of the electoral food chain. And I'm going to be right there with you."

IV.

"What do you mean you quit?" a stunned Wade stammered, wondering how he was going to explain the abrupt resignation of the Team Unstoppable – Team Impossible Division to Kim.

"Sorry, kid, but money talks," Burn explained. "After being offered that job by Rhodegan Industries, I got to thinking about the enhanced revenue potential from a strategic reorientation of Team Impossible's human capital resources. I ran the numbers and determined that we would be better off redeploying our intellectual assets towards the leveraged buyout and hostile takeover communities."

Wade blinked twice. "I'm a super genius, but even I don't understand what you just said."

"We can make boatloads more money as consultants than as superheroes," Burn explained.

"But you guys don't know anything about being business consultants!" the tech guru observed. "You specialized in action and rescue!"

"That's why we're taking on a chief operating officer," Dash said. "He's young, but he's got an MBA, a JD and lots of hustle. He actually suggested we hire a Director of Information Technology. You interested?"

"Me?" Wade replied.

"We'll offer you a hundred and fifty K a year plus equity," Crash said with a salesman's grin.

"Uh, thanks but no thanks," the tech guru said.

"You change your mind, you let us know," Burn said before adding, "Well, we gotta go. Hank found us some new office space and he wants us to check it out."

"Hank?" Wade said, sure the name rang a bell.

"Hank Perkins," Burn said. "He may be young, but he has a great head on his shoulders. He was the one who suggested offering you the job."

Wade's fingers flew over his keyboard. He quickly found the information he wanted.

"Burn, you hired a guy who temped for villains!" Wade said.

"I know," the CPA said. "But he was a kid then, and I have to give him credit for seeing the growth potential in the evil sector. That's the kind of vision that translates into a robust bottom line and long-term sustainable positive trends in income.

"I guess I can't talk you out of this," Wade sighed.

"'Fraid not," Burn said as he prepared to end the call. "And tell Kim it's been a blast … and that her dad should always feel free to call me during tax season."

V.

Shego silently approached the center of the chamber. As she neared her goal she spied a figure loping across the room from the opposite direction. She stopped and held herself immobile in the darkness, wanting to identify the figure before she made her next move.

VI.

Kim approached the plinth and emerged into the golden light that illuminated the Jade Banana.

VII.

Shego's reaction when she saw Kim was shock. But that quickly changed …

VIII.

The teen hero had been on her guard for Monkey Fist, suspecting it would only be a matter of time before her simian-wannabe foe reappeared. However, while Kim had been ready for an assault by the would-be Monkey King, she had not been prepared for feminine snorts followed by snickering that quickly escalated into uncontrolled guffawing.

"Oh, this is just too rich," Shego finally said between laughs. "The tail's an improvement, Princess, but that dress! Did you steal it from Nana Possible?"

"Shego!" Kim hissed. "What are you doing here?"

The green-hued villainess responded by doubling over in laughter.

"I'm glad you're amused," Kim said as she dropped into an attack stance. "Consider the laughs my going-to-jail gift."

"Thanks, Princess," Shego said as she stood up, wiping the tears of laughter from her eyes, before she spun around and directed a kick Kim's way. "But I've got other plans, and they don't involve prison orange."

"Too bad," Kim said as she jumped up and avoided Shego's attack. "A prison jumpsuit would be an improvement over that outfit of yours."

"Watch it, Chimpy," Shego said as she twisted her body so she could keep an eye on Kim.

"You so did not call me that!" the teen hero said as she completed a somersault and landed behind her foe.

"Yeah, actually, I did," Shego replied as she spun around and threw a punch at Kim, who deftly blocked the blow.

Kim followed that move up by wrapping her tail around her opponent's right ankle. She then yanked and pulled Shego off balance.

Shego looked up from the stone floor, saw Kim smiling smugly at her, and growled.

The teen hero's satisfaction was short-lived however as the villainess took her by surprise, rolling, grabbing Kim's tail and pulling hard.

"Oww!" Kim yelped as she too lost her balance and tumbled to the ground.

IX.

Steve Barkin had halted his squad of monkey ninjas when the fracas erupted in the middle of the chamber.

"Okay, people, hold your positions."

"Ooo, you're so manly when you take command!"

"Thanks," Barkin said before he paused. "Sweet mother of pearl! You're speaking English …" the gruff teacher exclaimed to Darwin, who was by his side. "Or I'm speaking Monkey!"

Darwin shook his head, then pointed over Barkin's shoulder.

The ex-military man turned and found himself face to face with DNAmy.

"Hi Stevie!" she said sweetly before her tone turned darker. "I'd like you to meet my friends."

"Cheese and crackers!" Barkin said as he looked goggle-eyed at the figures assembling behind the mad geneticist.

X.

"You are so busted," Kim said as she sprung to her feet and began circling her long-time nemesis. "Nobody pulls my tail!"

Shego smirked. "Then how about yank your chain, Princess? You'll probably be wearing one when the circus takes you away."

Kim stared at her foe through narrowed-eyes. "Bring," she hissed as she beckoned Shego.

"Gladly," the villainess said as she fired up her glow power.

XI.

"KP!" Ron cried out, concern in his voice.

Chippy watched her human friend wring his hands. She sensed he was about to rush into the fray. "Remember the promise you made to Kim."

"Yeah, no fighting," Ron said. "But that was before Shego showed up. I'm going in."

"I don't think so," an urbane English voice said.

"Monkey Fist," Ron hissed as he saw his longtime foe. "The hairy-knuckled yin to my bon-diggity yang."

"And here I was worried that the oratory arts were in terminal decline," Monkey Fist observed.

"Was that a shot?" Ron asked.

"Most definitely," Monkey Fist answered.

"Nobody disses Ron Stoppable," the tow-headed teen said as he did his best to assume a fighting stance. "I'm taking you down, Monkey Breath!"

"Oh, I think not," Monkey Fist said. "You see, I have you outnumbered."

"Uh, dude," Ron replied, "in case you didn't notice, the monkey ninjas are with the good guys now."

"I am quite aware of the treacherous behavior of my ungrateful minions," he said as he glared at Chippy and her compatriots. "However, they are of no concern to me now. They and the world will fall before my new army!"

"New army?" Ron said. "Something's telling the Ronster that this is not a good thing …"

The deranged nobleman reared up, stretched out his simianized arm and thundered, "Bunny ninjas: Attack!"

_TBC …_


	6. Chapter 6

Many thanks to Joe Stoppinghem, daywalkr82, Josh84, Comet Moon, JeanieBeanie33, Classic Cowboy, Danny-171984, whitem, qtpie235, Uru Baen, Yankee Bard, Sir Sebastian, Molloy, Seamus Dubh, Jillie Rose, The Halfa Wannabe, RonHeartbreaker, SolarinStudio, and Ran Hakubi for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Special thanks to campy for his beta and proof work.

If you saw it on _KP_, it belongs to Disney.

Leave a review, get a response.

Coming soon: _Commencement_ – An all-new series featuring Kim, Ron, and the gang, taking off where _Graduation_ ended.

* * *

I.

In a life filled with daring crimes, glamorous exploits, and travels to exotic locales, Phin Du had seen many things: ancient texts guarded by mute monks in mountain aeries, precious jewels the size of a man's head, secret recovered alien technology capable of powering or destroying entire cities, Dick Cheney smile with warmth. As a result, Phin was very difficult to impress and easily took even the most unexpected occurrences in stride. Still, he found the situation unfolding before him in the great chamber of the monkey cult temple in the jungles of Cambodia to be most unusual.

Peering through night vision goggles, Phin saw to his right a gimpy blond young man and a posse of monkey ninjas being confronted by a simianesque man accompanied by gi-wearing rabbits who appeared to be familiar with the martial arts. To his left, Phin saw a large man and yet more black-suited monkeys being challenged by foaming-at-the-mouth supermodels, all of whom were wearing the latest fashions. And, at the center of all this, just a few feet from the base of the plinth, Shego and a monkey who bore a striking resemblance to the young woman his brother routinely complained about at family gatherings were facing off.

Phin very much wanted to assist Shego but refrained from doing so; he wanted to preserve his anonymity so as to keep open his options for taking over Global Justice. He also realized that Shego would be less than pleased if her new beau intimated she didn't have the ability to take down a frock-wearing simian, even if that monkey possessed the skills of the legendary teen hero Kim Possible. So, for the time being, Phin remained in the shadows, waiting to see how events unfolded …

II.

"Aiiiieeee! This is sick and wrong!" Ron cried out as at least two dozen bunny ninjas attacked him personally. "Bad bunnies! Bad bunnies!"

The tow-headed young man stumbled backwards under the weight of the assault, wanting nothing more than to put his mad fu running skillz, bum leg or no bum leg, to work. He wished he had his cane in hand so he could try to ward off his adversaries.

Ron had little time to regret leaving the walking stick with his backpack, however, as he saw the monkey ninjas – _his_ monkey ninjas – looking lost and confused as scores more rabbits advanced. Even more distressing, he saw that Kim, still in the middle of the chamber with Shego, was exposed.

Ron Stoppable knew there was only one thing he could do. He took a deep breath, squared his shoulders and cried out, "Monkey ninjas, attack!"

III.

Barkin's blood ran cold as he focused on DNAmy. The gruff educator shuddered as he recalled the mad geneticist's previous foray into rewriting his genetic code. He had no desire to repeat an experience that marked him to this day. Barkin never told anyone, but in the aftermath of his molecular merger with Rufus at Mount Middleton, he was occasionally gripped by an irresistible yearning for cheese and an intense desire to run through tunnels. And while the former was easily satisfied by a trip to the Foody Faire, the latter required a bit more creativity.

Barkin's fear of taking another walk on the genome wild side, however, was quickly replaced by rage as he realized DNAmy had obviously done something to the young women who accompanied her. "Still messing with the laws of man and nature, I see," he growled.

"And you're still just a big meanie," Amy countered. "We could have made beautiful music together, Stevie."

"I really don't think so," he said.

"Well, never you mind," she replied. "I'm looking forward to monkeying around with your DNA again. Get him, girls!"

Given the gowns and heels they were wearing, the women attacked with unexpected speed and agility.

"Surprised, Stevie?" Amy asked as she watched her minions battle the teacher and his squad of diminutive ninjas.

"You really are one twisted sister!" Barkin snapped as one of the models (who bore a striking resemblance to Kristy Binkley) jumped on his back and violently pulled at his hair. As he tried to shake the woman loose, one of her comrades spun and drove the heel of her $1,000 designer shoe into the Middleton High School teacher's gut, sending him staggering, which gave yet another of the women a chance to dope slap him.

As Barkin and his attacker fell to the ground, he saw that the monkey ninjas were having no more luck than he was and were on the verge of being routed. He had only one choice. "Okay, people, fall back!" he ordered his troops before one of the models kicked his jaw. As their fallen leader continued to take a beating, the monkey ninjas reluctantly retreated to safety.

The models continued their assault on Steve Barkin. "I always knew it would end this way …" he said before he finally blacked out.

IV.

Kim stared through narrowed eyes at her long-time nemesis. There stood Shego, black clawed gloves wreathed in a penumbra of green energy. The attention of the teen-hero-turned-monkey was fully focused on her opponent.

That was until she heard Monkey Fist cry out 'bunny ninjas, attack!'

The two women turned to see an army of genetically enhanced rabbits swarming Ron and his monkey ninjas.

"Ron!" Kim gasped.

"Looks like your buffoon's gonna be toast unless he hops to it," Shego quipped.

"So not funny," Kim growled before she began heading towards Ron.

She had only run a few steps when a large number of rabbits peeled off the scrum and began hopping towards her and Shego. To make matters worse, a posse of seemingly crazed women were also approaching.

"This is as whacked as one of Doctor D's plans," Shego observed.

"Agreed," Kim said. "Truce so we can deal with this level twelve weirdness?" Kim asked.

"Yeah," Shego replied, with a nod. "Be careful, Princess," she added as the two women assumed a defensive posture.

Kim was taken aback by her enemy's surprising concern for her well-being. "Thanks, Shego," she said. "You too."

"Think nothing of it," the villainess said with a grin. "I just want a chance to clean your clock."

"As if you'll ever have a chance to do that," Kim said dismissively.

"Kimmie, when this is over I'm going to make a monkey's uncle of you, and that's a promise," Shego taunted.

"So not going to happen," Kim replied, baring her teeth. "Now let's get our heads in the game and get to work."

V.

"It is … quite impressive," the Master Lunch Lady said as she looked at Sensei's new acquisition.

"Look at her smile. Is it not most enigmatic?" the old teacher observed. "I cannot help but believe that Mona Lisa-san would have made an excellent ninja."

"Indeed, she may well have," the ancient woman agreed before taking a deep breath. "Pardon me for asking this question, Hideki-sama, but would I be incorrect were I to assume that this painting has been acquired through illicit means?"

"Sometimes the ends justify the means," the old ninja master replied.

"_Domo arigato,_ Machiavelli-sama," she said tartly. "Does not the fact that this painting is stolen bother you?"

Sensei met his colleague's gaze. "There are times when even the light of a thousand suns cannot illuminate the dark places of the soul."

Master Lunch Lady rolled her eyes. "Kenji-sama of Satsuma?"

"Actually, aphorisms dot com," Sensei said. "The internet is a most wondrous thing, a source of great wisdom and insight."

Master Lunch Lady looked at her aged colleague with naked skepticism.

Sensei, knowing the wizened old woman was beginning to lose patience with him, responded by holding up his hands as if to indicate surrender. "I am indeed greatly troubled. But the time has come to force Stoppable-san to engage his destiny. He is, after all, the master of the Yamanuchi ninjas."

Master Lunch Lady sighed. "Tell me, Hideki-sama, how much exactly did this addition to our fair school cost?" she asked, returning the discussion to the matter of the purloined masterpiece.

Sensei was about to respond with a cryptic saying about the impossibility of placing a price on beauty, but the expression on Master Lunch Lady's face told him that would not be a prudent course of action. "Twenty-five million dollars," he confessed. "It was money very well spent. Shego-san and Du-san were most efficient."

"Shego-san," Master Lunch Lady muttered as if she were recalling a particularly unpleasant piece of sushi. She sighed audibly before continuing. "Please tell me that you personally amassed the money to fund this acquisition through a lifetime's shrewd investing."

"Of course not," Sensei said. "You know that all that I have I have given to Yamanuchi."

"So you used the school's funds?"

"I did. And by doing so, I will be able to honor Stoppable-san."

Master Lunch Lady sputtered. "You honor him by implicating him in your crime?"

"Drastic measures were called for," Sensei said firmly. "Young Stoppable's attentions have been focused elsewhere as of late. His interest in Yamanuchi has waned. The Chosen One cannot be allowed to lose sight of his destiny."

Master Lunch Lady shook her head. "This is, how do the young ones put it, whack."

"Whack is in the eye of the beholder."

"Is that also from the internet?"

"No, Junichiro the Just."

Master Lunch Lady smirked. "And what of Shego-san? Did you call her because the yakuza were busy or because she is a part of your plan, too?"

"Shego is indeed part of the plan," Sensei said before he took the old woman's hands in his. "Fear not, old friend, soon, all will become clear."

VI.

"Ow. Ow!" Ron cried out as the rabbits attacked with brutal efficiency. "Not the leg! Not the leg! Okay, that's it! You're going down!"

At just that moment, a formation of the long-eared ninjas launched themselves at Ron from behind, driving their paws into the hollows of his knees, buckling his legs and sending him to the ground.

"Aw, man, that hurts," Ron groaned as the bunny ninjas regrouped and began hopping on him. "Ow! Ow! No carrots for you!"

As he tried to ward off his attackers, he surveyed the scene and was dismayed to see that Chippy and the other monkey ninjas were in similar straits.

"My, my," a familiar, contemptuous voice said. "It would appear you have been bested by my minions."

Ron looked up to see Monkey Fist looming over him, a satisfied grin on the villain's simanized face. "Admittedly, things might not be looking up for the Ronster at the moment, but just you wait till KP takes care of you!"

"Oh, I don't think I have much to worry about from that quarter," Monkey Fist drawled. "It appears that your hirsute girlfriend is about to meet her fate. If you look to your left, you'll be able to enjoy her demise."

Ron turned his head in the direction in which the erstwhile nobleman was pointing: there he saw Kim and Shego, positioned as if awaiting an onslaught. He also saw bunny ninjas converging on their position from one direction, while crazed supermodels approached from another. With mounting dread, Ron watched helplessly as the first of the rabbits attacked.

VII.

Kim had just dropped into a crouch when the first ninja sprung at her. She was prepared for her assailant, grabbing it by the front paws and throwing it back into two of its comrades. At the same time, she wrapped her tail around a fourth ninja and sent it flying, too.

"Nice tail action, Kimmie," Shego sniped as she loosed a blast of her glow power at two of the models, sending them fleeing.

"So not the drama," Kim replied as she blocked an attack from two more of the ninjas, only to have to dodge an assault from a model who could have been Anastasia's doppelganger.

"Okay, this is officially whacked," Shego said as she took down the attack model with a leg sweep while hitting three bunny ninjas with successive, lightning-fast shots of glow power.

Two more frothing-at-the-mouth models then came at Kim. "Ouch!" the teen hero yelped as one of them stomped on her tail. Reacting instinctively, she looked back, giving the other a chance to sucker punch her. As Kim doubled over, the model threw a nasty uppercut, connecting with the college student's jaw, staggering her. Seeing she was vulnerable, six berserk bunnies took advantage of the situation and jumped onto Kim's shoulders and back, sending her to the floor.

Shego, meanwhile, was having troubles of her own. No sooner had she dealt with the Anastasia look-a-like and the trio of ninjas than three more runway divas brandishing knife-sharp stiletto heels came at her while bunny ninjas converged on her from four directions. Shego was fast, but not fast enough …

VIII.

Phin had been watching the unfolding melee with increasing alarm. Without question, he had been impressed by how Shego and Kim had performed. But he was aware that, as Steve Barkin had once remarked in a wholly dissimilar venue on a completely unrelated topic, sometimes quantity could indeed beat quality. Shego and Kim, as good as they were, were confronted with too many opponents.

The debonair criminal quickly concluded that the situation was just about hopeless. In years past, this was when Phin would have departed. He had his $12.5 million from the Louvre job and could quietly move on to his next lucrative engagement. There was, however, one major difference with years past: Shego. He shook his head, marveling at how quickly and how far he'd fallen for her, removed his linen jacket and sprinted out from the shadows and onto the temple floor.

IX.

Ron couldn't believe what was happening.

He'd just been bested by bunny rabbits.

True, they were very nasty bunny rabbits. Very nasty bunny rabbits that were skilled martial artists. But that didn't change the fact that this was a new personal low in his crime-fighting career. Bunny rabbits were bunny rabbits, after all.

Being taken out by Peter Cottontail's dark avatar, however, was nothing compared to the fact that he'd failed Kim. Ron grimaced as he saw her prostrate form, surrounded by her adversaries.

It wasn't supposed to end this way. Ron once again looked at his cane. _If only that thing were my magic sword_, he thought wistfully. Much to his surprise, and that of Monkey Fist, the stick glowed before it began to change form.

"Booyah!" a suddenly re-energized Ron whooped. "Mystical monkey power is back in the house!"

"The Lotus Blade!" Monkey Fist cried out in excitement as he lunged for the weapon.

"Come to Rondo!" Ron called out.

"No, come to me!" Monkey Fist demanded.

Much to the villain's annoyance, the weapon responded to Ron's call and flew towards the tow-headed young man. Stunned bunny ninjas scattered, allowing Ron time to grab the sword by the hilt. He struggled to his feet and glared at an enraged Monkey Fist.

"So," Ron asked, "who's the Supreme Monkey Master now?"

"Do not fool yourself, boy," Monkey Fist hissed. "You are not now nor will you ever be the Supreme Monkey Master. You will fall just as your branch-swinging, banana-loving girlfriend has …"

Ron growled, eliciting a satisfied grin from his foe, who was hoping to goad the teen.

"… She looks quite fetching with a tail, doesn't she? I'm sure that the zoo will share part of the proceeds from the fees they charge for admission to the Monkey Girl exhibit."

Ron was breathing hard, struggling to control himself, when he had an image of D Hall. _Man_, he said to himself, _I can't believe I almost let myself be played like that …_

"Nice try, Monkey Breath," Ron said. "But here's how I see it. I've got the monkeys, I've got mystical monkey power, I've got the magic sword, and, though she's, uh, taking a fight break, the amazing Kim Possible. You, on the other hand, have some 'tude-filled rabbits and your GF, DNAmy."

"GF?" a confused Monkey Fist asked.

"Girlfriend," Ron explained.

"She is not my girlfriend," the villain huffed. "We are merely professional colleagues."

Ron, recognizing a grande-sized opportunity had just presented itself, leaned into Monkey Fist. "Sure doesn't look that way to me, Big Guy. You two look like you're crushing on each other. I bet there's nothing you two like to do more than snuggle up in the lair and smack lips after a long day of evil."

X.

Neither the models nor the bunnies were expecting the swift, sudden attack from behind. Phin placed a chokehold on a Heidi Klump look-a-like, grabbed her arm, and was bringing her to her knees when a woman resembling a young Kit Moss jumped on his back. He bent over, flipping her over his head, then finished twisting the first model's arm. He quickly spun around, bringing up his arms just in time to deflect an attack from three bunny ninjas.

While Phin knew there were far too many henchrabbits and henchmodels to handle on his own, he wasn't planning on defeating them on his own. Instead, he hoped that his presence would give Shego and Kim the distraction they needed to get back into the fight.

"Some assistance might prove to be beneficial," he said as ducked an attacking rabbit.

"Will?" Kim asked as she threw off her attackers, rolled, and sprang into position. "What are you doing here?"

Shego, who was also breaking free, and Phin, who was at that moment grappling with a woman who resembled the second-place contestant on the previous week's _America's Hottest Airhead_, exchanged a quick glance and discreet nod.

"I am on vacation," he said evenly as he threw the woman to the side.

"In the middle of the jungle wearing a designer t-shirt and linen pants?" Kim asked skeptically as she grabbed an attacking ninja rabbit's front paws and used its forward momentum to throw the furry warrior into some of its peers. "I don't think so."

"Princess, it doesn't matter why he's here," Shego said as she fired up her glow power. "As long as it's not to arrest me."

Kim looked at Phin through narrowed eyes. "Something's not kosher here and I'm going to find out what it is when we're done," she advised him before executing a perfect spin kick to take down an attacker who was the spitting image of Liz Gurley.

"If you're going to get to the bottom of something," Shego asked as she hooked a thumb over her shoulder, "how about figuring out what's going on between your boy toy and Monkey Fist?"

Kim, as Shego anticipated, was stunned to see Ron drape his arm around Monkey Fist's shoulder.

XI.

"I think not!" an appalled Monkey Fist objected.

"C'mon, it's just us guys," Ron said conspiratorially. "You can admit it."

"Admit what?"

"You need your mad love," Ron said as he waggled his eyebrows. "I know how KP and I can get after a long day of fighting supervillains." Ron puckered his lips.

"Are you suggesting that DNAmy and I …," Monkey Fist stammered in horror. "You're mad!"

"Not as mad as you are about her, I bet," Ron teased. "So, when's the big day?"

"The big day?" Monkey Fist asked tremulously.

"You know," Ron said as he playfully punched Monkey Fist's arm. "You, Amy, a bunch of groomsmonkeys, a big church."

"I would sooner die than marry that woman!" Monkey Fist cried out.

"Monty!" DNAmy wailed.

Monkey Fist turned to see that Amy was standing just behind him.

"I thought you cared," she said plaintively. "You're an even bigger meanie than Stevie!" Amy's pained expression then turned feral. "Forget about the others – Get him, girls!"

The crazed supermodels obeyed; those tussling with Kim, Shego, and Phin disengaged from their fight while those who'd been with Barkin abandoned the still-unconscious teacher.

Monkey Fist's eyes opened wide as two squads of beautiful, dangerous, aggressive, Sperlucci-clad women charged towards him. "Oh snap."

XII.

Shego signaled Phin. He didn't know what she had in mind, but he was aware of the need to be alert.

"Yo, Kimmie!" Shego said.

Kim turned to look at her foe, only to find her chin making contact with her erstwhile ally's fist.

"Man, I can't believe you fell for that," the glamorous villainess said as she sprinted off to the plinth. "See you later, Princess. And you, too, Dufus!"

Phin looked down at Kim, who was rubbing her jaw. Then he looked towards Ron, who was heading their way.

"It would appear that you are in no condition to pursue the criminal," Phin said to Kim. "Your sidekick is approaching and will be able to render you assistance. I will apprehend Shego."

With that, he ran after her.

Kim watched as Shego launched herself to the top of the plinth, from which she retrieved the idol, then jumped to the floor, where she landed gracefully before she sprinted towards the door. Will chased after her, dodging what Kim thought were very sloppily aimed blasts from Shego.

"Man, her aim's gone down the tubes," Ron observed as he extended a hand to help his GF to her feet. Kim rose and the two teens embraced.

"Are you okay?" they each asked the other.

"Jinx!" Kim said with a smile. "You owe me a banana!" Her eyes opened wide. "I so did not say that again, did I?"

"Say what?" Ron replied innocently. "That you want yet another soda?"

Kim grinned. "I definitely think I'll keep you."

"Hey," Ron said, beaming. "I know what the boyfriend's supposed to say."

"Glad you've been paying attention," she said with a smirk. "So," she asked, now sounding a bit more serious and looking at him in a way that told him he was in trouble. "What just happened?"

"I don't know," Ron said. "The whole Shego-Will thing was kind of weird."

"Way weird," Kim said, her brow furrowed and her arms akimbo. "But why don't we start with you, Mr. I'm Busted Because I Went Into Action When I Promised My GF I Wouldn't."

"Whoa," Ron said defensively. "Doesn't the BF get a pass on breaking his promise if it was so he could save his GF?"

"Wellll …" Kim said, torn between her anger with Ron for risking further injury to his leg and affection for him for wanting to help.

"KP, look, I'm sorry," Ron explained, "but I couldn't just sit back and do nothing. If anything ever happened to you, well, my leg really doesn't matter. Besides, I did get my mystical monkey power back!"

Kim looked at Ron sternly but finally smiled. "Okay, you're off the hook. But you really have to take better care of that leg."

"Fair 'nuff, KP," he agreed.

"So, just what were you and Monkey Fist talking about?"

Ron recounted his conversation with the loopy lord.

Kim made a face. "I so wish I didn't have that image of Monkey Fist and DNAmy kissing. That is so gorchy."

"Yeah," Ron conceded. "But tough times call for tough measures. It got rid of the bunny ninjas and crazed supermodels, after all."

"True," Kim agreed. "But Shego got away with the Jade Banana. And I so wish I knew what the sitch was with Shego and Will …"

"So what do you want to do next?" Ron asked.

"Find a change of clothes," Kim admitted. "Then find out what Shego's up to."

"I think I can help you," Ron said as he limped back to his bag. "I thought you might want these," he said as he pulled out a set of Kim's mission clothes.

Kim cocked an eyebrow and smiled. "Spankin'," she said gratefully. "So, any other surprises in that bag?"

"Oh yeah," he said cockily as he pulled out the Kimmunicator, which he tossed to his pleased GF.

"What up, Kim?" Wade asked after she activated the unit and his image appeared on-screen.

"Wade, we – Wait a minute," she said. "I've gone full monkey and that's all you can say?"

The tech guru grinned. "It's not like you haven't done that before," he explained. "So, I assume Ron found you?"

"Yes, he did," she answered. "Unfortunately, Shego was here and she got away. We need a ride."

"Okay, I'll work on it. Where to?"

Kim furrowed her brow. "Japan."

Ron looked at his GF quizzically. She responded by laying a hand on his shoulder and looking him in the eye.

"… Ron, your mystical monkey power came back _and _you were able to do the Lotus Blade thing. I don't know why, but something tells me it has to do with Shego, Will, and the Jade Banana."

"You think Sensei might know what's going down?" he asked.

"I don't know," she conceded. "But he can't know less than we do."

"True," Ron agreed before turning to the monkey ninjas. "Okay, guys, looks like we're going to Yamanuchi," he said as he began heading towards the exit.

"Uh, Ron, aren't you forgetting something?" Kim asked.

Ron looked around. "Nope. Got you, got my peeps, the Ronman's good to go."

"Mr. Barkin," Kim said as she pointed to the teacher, who remained sprawled on the floor.

"Aw, man, do we have to?" Ron asked, earning a glare from Kim.

"Ron!" she snapped. "We are so not leaving him here!"

"Hey," he replied sheepishly, "you can't blame a guy for trying …"

_TBC …_


	7. Chapter 7

Thanks to campy, daywalkr82, Comet Moon, Josh84, whitem, CajunBear73, Mr. Wizard, Quathis, Ace Ian Combat, AtomicFire, Danny-171984, spectre666, JeanieBeanie33, JAKT, Ran Hakubi, Sir Sebastian, LilyHellsing, RonHeartbreaker, and Molloy for thei bon-diggity reviews.

Thanks, as always, to campy for beta- and proofreading this chapter.

Leave a review, get a response.

If you saw it on _KP_, it belongs to Disney.

* * *

I.

Wade was running a routine diagnostic on his systems when an icon popped up on one of his monitors, indicating a hit on the Team Unstoppable site. He set aside his maintenance work and took the call. The image of a slender, bespectacled, brown-haired, middle-aged man wearing an unremarkable sweater appeared on screen. The tween tech guru immediately recognized the visage of Orrin Dorr, the computer geek who had become one of the world's five richest people after inventing the now ubiquitous (and bug-ridden) Trapdoor operating system.

"Hello, Wade," the software mogul said. "I need some help."

"Sorry, Mr. Dorr," Wade said apologetically, "but all of our people are already on missions."

Dorr chuckled. "I guess I should have been clearer. I want your help."

"Oh?" Wade replied, intrigued. Dorr had turned to him on a couple of previous occasions, providing him with some interesting challenges. He began to flex his wrists and fingers. "Shoot."

"I need a new Chief Technology Officer …"

Wade stopped loosening his wrists.

"… And I was hoping I could interest you in the position."

"Me?" a stunned Wade said. "But I'm only thirteen years old!"

"Thirteen years old with a doctorate and one of the most impressive reputations in the technology community."

"Well …" Wade said, both happy with and embarrassed by the computer tycoon's flattery.

"I'll start you at a salary of $1,000,000 a year plus stock options. And I'll give you a two percent stake in the company." Wade's eyes bugged open. Macrohard had a market capitalization of $20 billion. For one of the few times in his young life, Wade Load was having trouble processing information. What Dorr was proposing was orders of magnitude different from what Team Impossible had offered just hours before. He, and his family, would be set for life.

"I don't know what to say," Wade finally stammered.

Dorr smiled. "Take some time, think about it." The software mogul added, "I bet you're wondering about the work you do for Team Unstoppable."

"Well, yeah, …" Wade conceded. "Kim counts on me."

"Wade, do you think that Kim Possible is going to be a teen hero forever? Someday, she'll move on to other things. You need to think about your future."

Wade knitted his brow. "I really appreciate the offer, Mr. —"

"Please, it's Orrin," the software tycoon said with a warm smile.

"Okay, Orrin," Wade said. "Look, this is really big. Can I think about it and get back to you?"

"That would be fine. Oh, I've got a call coming in from that pesky Euro Alliance Antitrust Office. Gotta go."

Wade's monitor went blank, leaving him alone with his equipment and his thoughts. He sat there for a long while then got up, left his room, and went to the den, where he found his parents. Mr. and Mrs. Load turned from the television and looked at their only son, who proceeded to utter words they'd never heard him say before: "Mom, Dad, something's come up and I don't know what to do …"

II.

Barkin rubbed his temples as he came to. He looked around, clearly confused. He'd last been fighting crazed super-models and bunny ninjas. Now he was seated in a comfortable leather seat aboard what appeared to be a private jet. A smiling Chippy was seated across from him.

"What happened?" he asked brusquely.

Chippy began chattering away.

"Hold on there," Barkin growled. "I still don't speak monkey. Where are Possible and Stoppable?"

Chippy pointed to the front of the cabin. Barkin rose from his seat and headed forward, finding Kim and Ron sitting beside one another, their eyes closed, holding hands.

"Ahem," the teacher said, clearing his throat.

Kim looked up. "Hi, Mr. Barkin," she said with a smile. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," he said, struggling to hide his frustration at the knowledge he couldn't give Ron detention for PDA. "While that engagement was bad, it was nothing compared to last month's faculty meeting. The music and art teachers," he said, as his eyes grew hollow and he suppressed an involuntary shudder. "They're animals …"

Kim and Ron exchanged curious looks, then turned back to their one-time teacher, who got a grip on himself.

"So, Yamanuchi Air," Barkin observed. "Private carrier?"

"Yeah, you could say that," Ron said in a voice that indicated he'd like to change the topic.

"Yamanuchi," Barkin said, stroking his chin. "It sounds familiar," he added as his eyes bore into Ron.

"You may as well tell him, Ron," Kim said. "He's going to see it anyway."

"Not if we lock him in the cargo hold," Ron replied.

Kim and Barkin both glared at Ron.

"Hey, it was just an idea!" he protested. He sighed, then looked at Barkin. "The exchange program back in junior year. Yamanuchi's the place I went to, remember?"

"And they just happen to have a jet that you can call on a moment's notice," Barkin said skeptically.

"Kind of," Ron said as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"And I presume any alumnus can order up a plane at will?" Barkin mocked.

"I didn't get the planeage as an alumnus or even as a graduate, Mr. B.," Ron answered. "I, uh, well, I'm, well …" he stammered before blurting out, "It's a secret ninja school and I'm head of a bunch of ninjas, okay?"

"You actually expect me to believe that you, Ron Stoppable, are the head of a secret order of ninjas?" Barkin said with a laugh. "You've got to be kidding me. That's the most ri—"

Kim glared at Barkin through narrowed eyes, not liking the way he was dissing her BF. "He's telling the truth, Mr. Barkin," she interjected firmly.

Barkin leaned into Ron. "So, studying ninjitsu when you should have been putting in time on Health Class?"

"Oh, dude, not the Wheel of Good Eating again! Don't get me started," Ron ranted.

"Will you two cut it out?" Kim snapped. "This is so not the time and place."

"Sorry, KP," Ron said sheepishly while Barkin just looked put out.

"So, somebody want to tell me where we're going?" the teacher asked.

"Japan," Kim answered. "If Monkey Fist and a banana idol with magical powers are involved, there's a pretty good chance mystical monkey power's mixed up with this sitch, too."

"And since my main man Sensei is all about my monkey power, he probably knows what's going down," Ron continued.

Barkin found himself rubbing his temples again. "When will the weirdness end?" he wondered aloud. Kim and Ron looked at one another. Before either could answer, Barkin held up a hand. "Don't answer that question. I think I'm going to go back, get some more shut-eye." He began heading aft, then turned and looked at Ron, flashing a predatory smile that made the young man very uncomfortable. "Looks like we've got a little time before we hit the Land of the Rising Sun, Stoppable. You might want to tell Possible about your grades."

"Ron?" she asked sharply. "What's he talking about?"

"Uh, heh heh," he said nervously as he began to pull at his collar. "I am so busted."

III.

"A most impressive edifice," Phin said as they emerged from a waterfall-obscured tunnel and saw the mountain redoubt of Yamanuchi.

"Yeah, just great, if you like raw fish," Shego cracked.

Phin responded with an arched eyebrow.

"Sushi. Were they ever big on the sushi," she explained. "The best part was, if you couldn't snatch your meal off Master Lunch Lady's tray, well, then, it was sayonara din-din."

"I trust you do not have fond memories of mealtime," Phin observed.

"I knew you were a smart one," she said with an evil grin. "Actually, Master Lunch Lady never was able to keep me from eating."

"You successfully retrieved your sushi every time?" Phin asked, impressed.

"I wish," Shego said with a smirk before explaining, "I found a way to steal stuff." She turned back to the school. "If it weren't for this place's whack food service policy, I probably wouldn't be as good at breaking and entering as I am. Master Lunch Lady had a pretty secure set-up, but not secure enough to keep me out. I wonder what ever happened to the old broad …"

"I trust you are not in touch with anyone from your time here?"

Shego snorted. "Didn't seem like the best idea once I turned to a life of evil."

Phin nodded his understanding. "Perhaps we will find out what happened to her when we get to the school."

"Yeah, perhaps we will," she said as she began walking towards the ancient fortress, wondering what else she'd find at her alma mater.

IV.

Ron shifted uncomfortably in his leather seat. "You know, KP, maybe we should follow Barkin's lead and get some nappage. The Rondo could definitely use his beauty sleep …"

"Spill. Now," she demanded in a voice that made clear no naps would be taking place at anytime in the foreseeable future.

"Fine," Ron said. "I'm, well," he squirmed, looked away from Kim, then muttered, "I'm on academic probation."

"Excuse me?" Kim said.

Ron turned and looked her in the eye. "I said I'm on academic probation, 'kay?"

Kim's eyes grew wide as saucers. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Ron's shoulders sagged in defeat. He stared at his shoes. Finally, he mumbled, "I didn't want to let you down."

Kim shook her head. "Ron, all I've ever wanted is for you to try, and I know you've been doing that."

"Pretty words, KP. But what happens when you finally decide it's time to trade up to someone in your GPA league?"

"I'm not trading up my BF," Kim sighed. "I don't need to date the valedictorian. I want to date you."

"So we're cool?" he asked hopefully.

"So not," she answered to his dismay. "We're supposed to be a team. When one of us is in trouble, we're supposed to have the other's back."

"Hey, I always have your back" he said defensively.

"I know, Ron. And I try to have yours. But this time you didn't even let me," she said with a note of exasperation. "Did it occur to you that maybe your GF could have helped you with your work?"

Ron was stunned. "You'd do my homework for me?"

Kim rolled her eyes. "No," she said firmly. "But I could help you, just like I did during our senior year."

Ron looked out the window. "But if you did, you'd have less time for other stuff like the cheer squad and I know how important that is to you."

"The other stuff is so not the drama," she said as she reached out and took his hands in hers. "You, however, are."

"For reals?"

"For reals," she said, leaning in to give him a kiss, then pulling up short.

Ron looked at her, puzzled. Kim squirmed. "Sorry, I forgot I'd gone full monkey," she said apologetically. Ron then did something Kim never expected. He reached up to her face, gently cupping her hairy cheeks in his palms. Then he brought his lips to hers and kissed her.

After their lips parted, Ron flashed a goofy grin at Kim. "Looks like the Ronman's finally gotten on top of his monkey issues."

Kim snorted, then began laughing. The two college students embraced. "I love you so much, Ron."

"Back atcha, KP."

"You're still in trouble, you know."

"Yeah," Ron sighed. "I know."

"So what's the sitch? Is it all your classes or just some of them?"

"Let's just say consistency is a strength of mine."

Kim frowned. "I'd have thought you'd do well in the writing seminar …"

"Yeah, well, if I had more time, maybe I'd —"

"BB," Kim said flatly. "You've been spending all your time at the restaurant. No wonder you're having trouble with your classes. What were you thinking?"

"Uh, that I want it to reopen?"

"Ron, we're talking about your future here!"

He bristled. "Excuse me, Kim, but I have been thinking about the future. Our future."

"What are you talking about?"

Ron rubbed the back of his neck. "KP, let's be honest. Your bon-diggity BF may have good lucks, awesome dance moves, and badical save-the-world skills. But he doesn't have brainage, except for when it comes to selling stuff. Then your man is in the zone."

"I think you're selling yourself short on the brainage," Kim said, "but go on."

"Well, if BB works out, then, well, we'll be set and you'll be able to do whatever you want, which, if I know my babelicious teen heroes, means doing something that probably involves helping people for free."

Kim's jaw dropped. She found herself speechless.

"You okay, KP?"

She leaned over and embraced Ron in a bear hug.

"Can't breathe," he stammered.

Kim loosened her hold on him but did not let go. "You are so sweet."

"Hey, the Ronman is all about being sweet. So, are we cool?"

"Yeah, we're cool," Kim said.

"Whew," Ron said.

"Though we still have to deal with your grade sitch."

"But, but …"

"Ron, it's ferociously sweet that you want to provide for our future. But we need to talk about these things together. I'm not some little missy who can't take care of herself, you know."

"I know. I just …"

Kim placed a finger on Ron's lips. "I know. You were having my back, just like you always have. But being set financially doesn't matter if my BF isn't able to focus on school. I want you to do as well as you can, and, to be honest, I'd like to see you have some fun."

"You really mean that?"

"Yes, I do," she said. "You know I felt you spent too much time at the restaurant, and that was before I learned about your grades."

"But KP, I gotta do it. It's the one thing I haven't messed up in life."

"You haven't messed up us either, you know," she said as she took his hand in hers.

"Man, you really are the most badical GF in the world."

"No big," she said nonchalantly.

"Wrong, KP," Ron replied. "It's way big."

Kim smiled. "Ron, really, it's not, not if I get to see 'Potential Boy Goes to School'."

"Ah, yes, Potential Boy," Ron said with a grin. "We've seen the movie. Now I guess it's time for the musical …"

V.

Shego banged on the massive oak planks. "Stupid ninjas," she grumbled. "I know you know we're here!" she yelled. "Would you open the stupid door already?"

Phin, wisely, held his tongue and said nothing.

"I hate this place," she groused.

Phin considered their situation for a moment, then had an idea. "If I might make a suggestion?"

Shego scowled. "What?"

"I believe we will get better results if we leave."

"What are you talking about?" she asked.

"I believe your erstwhile colleagues are employing some kind of psychological stratagem."

"Mind games?" Shego sputtered. "Sensei's playing mind games with me?"

"I believe so. Perhaps we should play some of our own."

A wicked grin spread over Shego's face. "I'm definitely keeping you around."

Phin nodded. "That is a relief. After you," he said gesturing to the path.

Shego called over her shoulder. "Sayonara, losers!"

Just as Shego and Phin began to walk away from the school's entrance, the massive doors began to swing open. The duo looked to one another, then smiled.

"Shego-san, Du-san," a female voice called. "It is my honor to welcome you."

The two criminals turned to see a young woman clad in a black gi.

"I know you," Shego said. "You were on the Drake Star."

Yori bowed. "Indeed, I was. Please, come in."

The young ninja led the visitors into the ancient keep. The threesome made their way to the central courtyard where Sensei was waiting

The old man bowed to his guests. "It is good to see you," he said.

"Wish I could say the same," Shego said. "We got your doohickey," she said as she held up the statue. "You got the dinero?"

"You remain as impatient as ever, Shego-san," Sensei observed.

"Yeah, well life's short, and we've got things to do," she said. "So if it's all the same to you, I'd just as soon we get this done so Phin and I can get going."

"All in good time," the ninja master said. "First I must attend to our other visitors."

"Other visitors?" Shego snapped. "Other visitors?"

"Indeed," Sensei replied. "As you can see, they are now arriving."

A black hoverjet appeared over the school and took position over the courtyard. Thrusters fired and the craft made its descent.

VI.

The plane had landed. Kim was undoing her seatbelt buckle and preparing to disembark. Ron, meanwhile, was looking out the window, wondering who would be there to greet them. He hoped Master Lunch Lady was on vacation; he really didn't want to explain to her that she was now going to have to feed a gaggle of monkey ninjas in addition to the students. All worries about that conversation were dispelled when he saw who was waiting to greet them.

"Uh, KP, you might want to take a look at this," he suggested as he pointed out the window.

"Ron, I've been to Yamanuchi before. Can't it wait until we get off?"

"Trust me on this. You're gonna want to see this."

Kim leaned over Ron and peered out the window. "No way," she said. There, talking with Sensei and Yori, were Shego and Will Du. "Come on, Ron," she ordered as she grabbed his hand and rose from her seat. "It's time to find out just what the sitch is."

VII.

Shego watched as the hatch dropped and a gangway extended to the ground. She was surprised when Kim rushed out of the aircraft with Ron in tow. Shego watched the duo intently, paying no heed to the monkey ninjas and Barkin, who followed the two teens off the aircraft.

"Shego, what are you doing here?" Kim asked as she strode up to the group.

"I was wondering the same thing about you, Princess," replied Shego.

"Ron-san, Kim-san, it is good to see you again," Yori said, diplomatically, avoiding any mention of Kim's simianized state.

"Back atcha, Yori," Ron said. "You, too, Sensei," he added as he tapped the older man's fist.

"It is good to see you again, Stoppable-san," Sensei said. "And you too, Kim Possible."

Master Lunch Lady then appeared. She bowed to Shego. "Welcome, Shego-san and guest," she said without enthusiasm. Then she turned to Ron and Kim and bowed lower. "Welcome, Stoppable-san and Possible-san."

Kim sensed that something was off. She quickly realized what it was. She turned to the old woman and bowed. "Master Lunch Lady, how do you know Shego's name?"

The old woman looked at Kim. "Shego studied here."

"That explains a lot," Kim said. "She fights like a ninja."

"Unlike someone I know who learned her moves from Hong Kong action flicks," Shego snarked.

Kim rolled her eyes. "Grow up, Shego."

"Like you're one to talk, cheerleader," Shego sniped.

Ron saw Kim bristle. "Okay, so, Shego studied here," he said, redirecting the conversation. "That's quite a surprise. But everyone likes surprises, right? Right. We're all about the surprises."

"That is a good thing, Stoppable-san, because that is not the only one we have for you today," the old woman said as she shot Sensei a withering glare. "Tell him."

"Very well …" the old man began.

_TBC …_


	8. Chapter 8

My thanks to daywalkr82, Quathis, Comet Moon, Josh84, CajunBear73, Mr. Wizard, Molloy, Kipcha, campy, Mattk, Uru Baen, JeanieBeanie33, spectre666, Joe Stoppinghem, RonHeartbreaker, whitem, Desslock3, Danny-171984, Ran Hakubi, TexasDad, Ace Ian Combat, Zaratan, and Sir Sebastian for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Special thanks to campy for proofreading.

Leave a review, get a response.

KP, RS et. al. © Disney; Phin Du © the author

* * *

I. 

"Okay, now while I may be struggling to maintain the Ron Stoppable tradition of the Gentleman's C at Middleton College," Ron observed as he looked at the piece of art hanging on the wall of the cell, "I'm pretty sure that doesn't belong here."

"That so doesn't belong here," Kim agreed, turning from the _Mona Lisa_ to Sensei. "So what's the sitch?" she asked before adding as she looked at Shego and Phin, "And what do Shego and Will have to do with all of this?"

"Please, have a seat," the old teacher asked, gesturing toward some chairs. "Would anybody like some tea?"

"You procrastinate, Hikaru-sama," Master Lunch Lady chided.

"The grain of sand cannot hasten its journey to become a pearl," Sensei said wisely.

"Just in case Will here didn't get that, would you mind explaining?" Ron asked as Phin forced himself to steady his breath.

"He can't rush things, buffoon," Shego said. "And Master Lunch Lady's right. He's stalling."

"And that would be why?" Kim asked.

"Good question, Monkey Girl," Shego responded, eliciting a hiss from Kim. "So," she continued, looking towards Sensei, "what _is_ the deal? Why'd you pay us to jack Mona here?"

"Whoa," Kim said. "Us?"

"So, you've finally gone to the dark side," Ron said as he looked at Phin.

"'Us'?" Shego said disingenuously. "I must have meant 'me', Princess."

"You so said 'us'," Kim said as she glared at Shego, then her companion. "Spill."

"I am on a deep cover assignment …" Phin began to say before he was cut off.

"Perhaps it is time for me to call Elizabeth Director, Du-san," Master Lunch Lady said evenly.

"Very well," Phin said blandly, though his face betrayed his annoyance. "I am not Will Du."

"Don't play us, dude," Ron warned. "Unless you're a synthodrone …"

"I am not 'playing' anyone," Phin responded, "and I am not a synthodrone."

"You're Will's twin," Kim said.

"Actually, I prefer to think he's mine – I was born first," Phin noted. "My name is Phineas. But you may call me Phin."

"Phin Du," Ron said, rubbing his chin in thought. "So, I got to ask. You like fondue?"

"Ron!" Kim hissed.

"Hey, I was just asking," he said defensively.

"To answer your question, I loathe fondue," Phin said. "Almost as much as I loathe meat cakes."

Ron's eyes opened wide. "Did you say meat cakes?"

"Yes," Phin said with manifest disgust.

"You know what, KP?" Ron said. "He's okay."

"He's so not okay," the teen hero said to her boyfriend. "He's still with Shego."

"But he hates meat cakes!" Ron said.

"Here and now, Ron," Kim replied sternly before turning to Du. "What's your game, Phin?"

"I am a professional thief," he said simply.

"And you and Shego are working together?" Kim asked.

"Oh, we're working together, all right," Shego said with a smirk.

"Wait a minute," a surprised Kim said. "You don't mean …"

"Yup," Shego said, her smirk replaced with a satisfied smile.

"No way," Kim said.

"Way, Kimmie," Shego said.

"I am so lost right now it isn't funny," Ron said.

"Is he really this obtuse or is this just a subterfuge?" Phin asked Shego.

"Hey, was that a shot?" Ron asked.

"Ron," Kim explained as she rested a hand on her BF's forearm, "Shego and Phin are dating."

"Oooooohhhh," Ron said as he looked back and forth between Shego and Phin. "Hey, this isn't some kind of set-up for a double date, is it?"

Shego, Phin, Kim, Yori, Sensei, Master Lunch Lady, Barkin and the monkey ninjas all slapped their foreheads.

II.

"Thanks," Wade said to his parents. "This was really helpful."

"We're with you on this, Son," Mr. Load said.

"We just want you to be happy," Mrs. Load added.

Wade took a deep breath and rose from the sofa. "Well, I'd better call Orrin with my answer …"

III.

"This has all been most … stimulating," Master Lunch Lady said as she poured everybody a cup of green tea, then looked at Ron. "However, I am but an old woman and I grow weary. Stoppable-san, perhaps you should inquire of Sensei why he paid Shego-san and Du-san to steal the painting. And you should not forget to ask about the Jade Banana."

All eyes turned to the old ninja master, who nodded to his colleague. "The sun sets, a new day is about to begin."

"He's doing it again," Shego groaned.

"Uh, Sensei, just in case Kim …"

Ron saw the none-too-pleased expression on his girlfriend's face and wisely changed tack.

"… Doesn't want to have to explain things to me again, what are you talking about?"

"My time is coming to an end, Stoppable-san," the old man said.

"But you're too young to die!" a distraught Ron exclaimed.

"Die? I did not say anything about dying," Sensei replied.

"But you said …"

"I merely said my time is coming to an end. I am ready to retire and pass on leadership of the school to you."

"Hold on," Kim said. "I thought this sitch had been worked out last year. Ron said Yori and Hirotaka would run things when you stepped down."

"Uh, Princess, what are you talking about?" Shego asked. "Since when does Stoppable make decisions here?"

"Since I became the top dog," Ron said proudly.

"You?" Shego said dismissively. "The top dog? Puh-leeze."

"Someone hasn't been reading her alumni magazine," Ron chided playfully.

"So sue me," Shego said. "Now tell me what's going on," she demanded as her glow power erupted, wreathing her clawed gloves in a green penumbra.

"Dial down the drama, please and thank you," Kim said.

Reluctantly, Shego complied and Kim explained how the previous year Ron had defeated the Simian Samurai, demonstrating he was indeed the true bearer of the Lotus Blade, and thus been recognized as master of the Yamanuchi ninjas.

"That is whack," Shego said.

"Speaking of people taking over, where is Hirotaka?" Ron asked.

"He is away," Yori said, disappointment in her voice. "Visiting with his girlfriend's family in Kyoto."

"Oh, Yori," Kim said sympathetically. "I'm so sorry."

"You guys broke up?" Ron asked. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"This is my way of telling you," Yori said.

"Gotcha," Ron said. "Well, Hirotaka's loss is gonna be some lucky guy's gain."

"He's right, Yori," Kim added as she unconsciously scooted closer to her BF.

"Thank you, Ron-san and Kim-san," Yori said warmly. "It is an honor to have your support and friendship during this time."

"Well, it looks like Yori gets to run the place by herself," Ron said. "Not that I have any doubts about my favorite ninja's being able to do a bon-diggity job on her own."

"I am honored by your confidence," Yori said.

"No," Sensei said.

"No?" Ron responded. "What do you mean 'no'? Yori will be great."

"Stoppable-san, it is time for you to accept your destiny," Sensei said ominously. "You are the Monkey Master. You personally must lead Yamanuchi."

"Sorry, Sensei," Ron said, wrapping his arm around Kim's waist. "But I told you last year: my destiny is in Middleton with KP."

"I must disagree," Sensei said. "Your destiny is here. You will lead Yamanuchi."

"Why me?" Ron asked. "You know that Yori is way more ready for the job than I am."

"Then it will be your honor to grow into it," Sensei said.

"And if I don't want to?" Ron said truculently. "What are you going to do then?"

"Report the theft of the _Mona Lisa_ to the authorities," Sensei said blandly.

"Okay, you've lost me," Ron said, rubbing the back of his neck.

Kim, however, gritted her teeth. "Let me guess," she said. "You've left a paper trail that will implicate Ron."

"Hold on," Shego said. "I didn't see anything with the buffoon's name on it."

"But we did see emails and faxes bearing the name 'Sensei'," Phin said.

"And Sensei is a title, not a name," Yori said. "It is an honorific bestowed upon the leader of the school."

"But it is also the legal title held by the head of the Yamanuchi ninjas," Master Lunch Lady observed.

"Meaning?" Ron said uneasily.

"It's been your honor to be set up," Kim said acidly.

IV.

"Wade!"

"Hi Orrin," the tech guru said to the software mogul.

"So, have you made a decision about my offer?"

"Yeah, I have," the tween said.

V.

"You're playing me," Ron said.

"I am afraid I am not," Sensei replied.

Ron pursed his lips as he considered what the ninja master had told him. He sat in thought for what Kim knew to be for Ron an exceptionally long time. "Okay," he finally said.

"Very good," Sensei said. "I am glad you have chosen to follow the correct path."

"What?" Kim exclaimed as she stared at her boyfriend. "You so can't be serious about this!"

"I'm very serious, KP," Ron said calmly.

"I am sure that you will excel in your duties as master of Yamanuchi," Sensei said.

"Oh, I think you misunderstood me," Ron replied with a steeliness that Kim had come to appreciate the past few months as she had watched him deal with the Middleton planning board, Shego found surprising, and Yori suspected had always lain dormant beneath her American friend's goofy exterior. "It will be your honor to call the cops."

VI.

"Oh, hello my good fellow, allow me to help you," Wally offered as he approached a groundskeeper raking a flowerbed.

"Thank you, Your Highness, but I can do this," the man replied.

"No, I insist," Wally said as he grabbed the man's rake.

"Look, really, I can handle this on my own," the man grunted as he tried to reclaim his yard-care implement.

"Now see here, you ungrateful peasant –"

"Ricardo, why don't you go do whatever it is people like you do," Bonnie, clearly exasperated, said to the man who nodded, took back his rake from Wally, and returned to his regular work.

"Why did you do that?" an indignant Wally demanded.

"You are so lame," she snarked.

"What are you talking about?" Wally whined. "I was helping him, just as you said I should!"

Bonnie snorted. "You were insulting him."

"I was not," Wally said indignantly.

"Wally, you can't talk to the little people that way, not if you want them to like you," Bonnie said. "They find it offensive."

The prince, annoyed at being lectured by his upstart girlfriend, sniffed. "I guess you should know. You're just a commoner, after all."

"That's right," Bonnie sneered. "I'm just a commoner," she said as she began to walk away, provocatively swaying her hips. "And the most hotness you'll ever see. Or did I mean 'you'll never see again'?"

Wally watched the receding figure of his paramour. His heart beat faster, his pulse quickened, and his palms grew sweaty. "Perhaps I spoke in haste," he said. "You are a most uncommon commoner."

"Grovel some more," she insisted, a wicked grin on her face.

"If beauty made one a royal, you'd be an empress," he said.

"Not bad," she said. "That and a diamond tiara might get you back in the game."

"I'll see what I can do," Wally said before he waved towards a steward, who made his way to the young royal. "Get us some iced tea and a diamond tiara, Hector."

"Of course, Your Highness," the man, whose name was Juan, answered before heading into the house.

"I still don't understand why I must do this," Wally groused. "It is so degrading."

"It's the way democracy works," Bonnie said. "You should know that. Remember Middleton?"

Wally sighed. "But that was different. I was able to woo the masses with my royal person and –"

"No, you snowed them with your royal trappings and that won't do here."

"Then what will?"

"Genuine insincerity."

"Oh? What do you suggest I do?"

Bonnie considered Wally's question. Her original plan had been for him to begin mingling with the people of Monte Carlotta, beginning with the upcoming park clean-up. What she'd just witnessed made her think that approach might not be the most successful way to re-introduce Weak Link Wally to his less-than-adoring public. He was going to have to do something truly noteworthy, something stunning, something like …

"Renounce your title. Immediately."

"What!" Wally exclaimed.

"It's not like you'll need it," Bonnie said. "Not once you're elected president …"

"Will I have to give up my yacht?"

Bonnie looked horrified. "You're supposed to pretend you're one of the people, not actually live like them!"

"I see," Wally said. "Actually, I don't. This is all so confusing."

Bonnie grinned. "That's the point."

"What do you mean?"

"If they don't know what's going on, they can't stop us, can they? Now here's what I'm thinking …"

VII.

"The cops?" Shego said. "We're outta here."

"One moment," Phin said.

"Excuse me? I don't know how many countries you're wanted in, but my current count is fourteen, including this one."

"I'm wanted in twenty-one," Phin said.

"Nice work, big guy!" Ron said enthusiastically, earning glares from both Kim and Shego. "Okay, shutting up here."

"That, however, is not the point," Phin said.

"Oh, then what is?" Shego asked acidly before muttering, "I'm wanted in twenty-one."

"We still must finish our business with Sensei before leaving," Phin explained. "And, for the record, I suspect the jurisdictions in which you are wanted have far more effective law enforcement operations to evade than those in which I'm wanted."

Shego shook her head and grinned. "You're smooth, you know that?"

"I try," Phin acknowledged with a courtly dip of the head.

Shego turned to Sensei. "Okay, fork over the cash, we'll give you the banana idol, and then we'll vamoose."

"Uh, yeah, about the banana idol thingie," Ron said, looking at Master Lunch Lady. "Is this a good time to ask?"

The old woman nodded in reply.

"Okay, Sensei, whassup?" Ron asked.

"I had believed it would be of value to you as the Monkey Master," Sensei explained. "However, since you have chosen to walk a different path …"

"This is all fascinating," Shego said snidely, "but we've really got to be on our way. Can we have our dinero?"

"Very well," Sensei said, rising to his feet. "If you will excuse me."

"Hey, Stoppable," Shego said as Sensei left. "You want my advice? You should stay here."

"Why'd I want to do that?" Ron asked.

"Head of a secret ninja school? Not a bad deal for a buffoon. And you could dump Chimp Possible and hook up with Yori here. She's quite a looker."

Shego grinned as Kim bared her teeth.

"Touch a sore spot, Monkey Girl? Afraid you'll lose your boyfriend to a real woman?"

"That is it!" Yori said.

"I am not jealin'!" Kim snarled.

"No," Yori explained. "That is why Sensei has acted as he has."

"Excuse me?" Kim said.

"Doy!" Shego said. "Sensei wants the buffoon to hook up with Ninja Babe, though why beats me."

"I believe it is because I am his granddaughter," Yori explained.

Shego gawped at Yori, then shook her head. "Man, this is like a bad episode of _Agony County_."

"Actually, it is a bad episode of _Agony County_," Phin offered. "The second season—"

"Ah, yes, when Danny and Charity—" Master Lunch Lady interjected, only to be cut off by Kim.

"Heads in the game please and thank you," Kim said. "Ron may be going to jail, I'm still a monkey, and," she added looking at Shego, "you still don't have your money."

"You got a point there," the green-hued villainess agreed. "So, what's next?"

"If you will excuse me," Yori said as she turned and left the group. "I must speak with Sensei."

VIII.

Wally looked out at the sea of reporters, suspecting they were hoping for an explanation of the unfortunate incident involving the Ferrari, the two circus girls, the case of whiskey, and the dwarf. His mouth turned up in a genuine smile as he contemplated their reaction to his upcoming announcement. He looked back to Bonnie, who was waiting in the wings, then to the teleprompter. "My fellow citizens," he began, "it is with a profound commitment to the rights of all the inhabitants of Monte Carlotta that I hereby renounce my crown and title and announce the formation of 'Democracy Now,' a movement to bring free and fair elections to our beloved land immediately. Are there any questions?"

"Yes," one reporter asked. "Are you serious or have you been hitting the sauce again?"

Wally cocked an eyebrow; his instinct was to have the pesky little man taken away to the dungeon, but knew that wouldn't do, at least for now. Instead, he grinned. "Oh, I'm very serious, though after dealing with you and your colleagues from the press, could anyone blame me for the occasional tipple?"

A stunned media corps gawped at the erstwhile heir. He was relaxed, he was joking, he was …

An anchor from _Euronews_ raised her hand.

"Yes?" Wally asked.

"Are you a synthodrone?" the woman asked.

"Have you been subjected to mind control?" another newsperson called out.

Wally shook his head, then offered a wistful smile.

"It is indeed I, the former Prince Wallace, now humble Wallace Carlotta, at the service of the people. Any other questions?"

Bonnie watched with satisfaction as Wally toyed with the media for the next half hour, the King watched with a mixture of pride and consternation, and the Knights of Rhodegan watched with suspicion, wondering just what the former royal was up to.

IX.

Though the old man's back was to the door he knew his granddaughter had joined him.

"Yori," he said in greeting.

"Grandfather," she replied.

He turned and looked at her, his pain etched upon his face. "Forgive me. I have failed you."

"How?" she asked.

"Because of me, you are alone."

"I fail to understand you, Grandfather. You did nothing to cause Hirotaka's affections for me to wane."

"It is not Hirotaka whose affections you have desired. I know that you have longed for Stoppable-san."

"There are many things for which I long, things I know I shall never possess," she said. "It is Possible-san, not I, who is his destiny. You know that."

"Yes," he sighed. "I know that. But I thought that I might be able to coax destiny to travel another path."

"By stealing the painting?" she asked. "I do not understand why."

"I will admit it was a desperate gambit," he said. "But I hoped that if I could bring Stoppable-san back to Yamanuchi, you might have a greater chance of capturing his heart. My hopes only mounted when Possible-san appeared in simian form."

"You hoped Stoppable-san might have recoiled from her because she had taken on the form of that which he most fears?"

"Yes."

"If you will excuse me, Grandfather, I believe your plan was …"

"Whack?" he said with a rueful smile.

Yori dipped her head in agreement. "That is not the adjective I would have chosen, but it will suffice."

The two ninjas looked at one another. "You did not fail," the young woman said firmly.

Sensei cocked an eyebrow.

"Your plan brought together Phin and Shego," she explained.

"An unexpected development," Sensei conceded.

Yori responded with a cocked eyebrow of her own, then a bemused smile. "I believe an American aphorism is appropriate: one should not look a gift horse in the mouth."

"You are indeed wise, Granddaughter," the old man said. "You were saying?"

"Not only has your plan brought together Phin and Shego, thereby giving each a distraction, but Phin's identity has been revealed …"

"Preventing him from masquerading as his brother, the Global Justice operative," Sensei finished.

"Indeed. And as Shego appears to be most content in Phin's company, you may have steered her from a path of villainy to one of prosaic crime."

"A life of banditry is not honorable," Sensei said disapprovingly.

"But the shower of summer is to be preferred to the monsoon of summer," she observed.

"Now you are showing off," Sensei said.

"It is my honor," Yori said, a twinkle in her eye.

Sensei could not help but chuckle. However, it was not long before his smile faded. "I remain disappointed about Stoppable-san," he admitted.

"Grandfather, I am not," Yori said. "Indeed, I am happy for him, for her. I know now that she always had his heart and he, hers. To say otherwise would be like denying the sun rises in the East."

Sensei laid his hands upon Yori's shoulders.

"You are wise beyond your years, Granddaughter," he said approvingly.

"Thank you," she said.

"Stoppable-san is correct. You will make an excellent Sensei."

"You honor me with your words. Perhaps, in the future I will have the honor of following in your footsteps."

"No," Sensei said. "The day has arrived."

"But Grandfather –"

Yori's words were cut off by the old man's raised hand. "There comes a time," he said "when even the mightiest oak must fall."

The young ninja sighed. "And that time is now?"

"It is indeed. Or it shall be after I attend to one thing."

"What might that be?"

"Stoppable-san may choose to live his life with Kim Possible. He may choose to let another lead Yamanuchi. But he cannot escape his destiny as the Monkey Master."

* * *

_TBC …_


	9. Chapter 9

Sensei approached Shego, proffering an envelope

Thanks to Mr. Wizard, CajunBear73, screaming phoenix, Quathis, Josh84, captainkodak1, Joe Stoppinghem, Comet Moon, whitem, campy, JeanieBeanie33, spectre666, Miss EJ, Molloy, Danny-171984 and Ron Heartbreaker for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Special thanks to campy for proofreading.

Leave a review, receive a response!

KP et. al. © Disney; all original characters © the author

* * *

I.

Sensei approached Shego, proffering an envelope. "Your fee, as agreed," he said.

"Finally," she replied, as she took the payment with one hand and simultaneously tossed the jade banana to the ninja master with the other. Much to her surprise, and that of everyone present, Sensei did not make to catch the ancient artifact. Instead, serene as ever, he stood and watched as the object fell to the courtyard and broke into shards.

"Don't think you're getting your dinero back," Shego said as she tucked the envelope into the pouch on her leg.

The old man ignored his one-time student, preferring to focus his gaze on the remnants of the idol and the azure tendrils that lazily drifted skywards.

"I don't like this," Kim said as she thought she detected what appeared to be monkey-shapes in the wispy smoke.

"Maybe this will be the one time it's a good thing when the idol thingie breaks," her boyfriend said nervously as a strange feeling gripped him. He could have sworn he'd heard, if only for the briefest of moments, the distant, muffled sound of howling monkeys – and the only monkeys in the vicinity were the monkey ninjas, who were either playing volleyball or lolling about the courtyard of the ancient school.

"Ron, it's never a good thing when the idol thingie breaks," Kim said as she looked suspiciously at the wizened ninja master. "Is it, Sensei?"

"That all depends on the choice that Stoppable-san makes," he said.

"Let me guess," Ron said wearily. "All I have to do is choose to be the monkey master. Blah, blah, blah!"

"It would be the correct decision," Sensei said. "You need not stay; I have come to agree that Yori would indeed be a most worthy successor as head of school. Only you, however, can wear the mantle of the monkey master."

"Look, I don't mean to sound like I'm dissin' you, but you're getting as bad with the monkeys as Monkey Fist," Ron snapped. "I mean, what's the big deal? It's not like I'm going to need some kind of super powers to fight off, oh, I don't know, nine-foot-tall bad guys from outer space or something."

"Do you know that for certain?" Sensei said enigmatically.

"I knew it!" Barkin exclaimed, startling some monkey ninjas who'd been taking advantage of the opportunity to sun themselves while causing another to spike the volleyball out of bounds. "Man your battle stations, people! Bug-eyed aliens incoming!"

"I believe I have been misunderstood, Barkin-san," Sensei said.

"You mean that we won't be engaging in hand-to-hand combat with cunning, tentacled invaders from the far reaches of the galaxy?"

"Not today, I am afraid," Sensei said, wondering about the look of keen disappointment on his fellow educator's face.

"You know, this is all fascinating," Shego said sarcastically as she took Phin's arm and began walking towards the exit. "But I think we're out of here. Sayonara." The green-hued villainess had almost reached the main gate when she turned and looked at Kim. "See you around, Monkey Girl."

As Shego and Phin left, the villainess' laughter trailing behind them, Kim bared her teeth and growled.

"Monkey Girl, indeed," Sensei said in agreement.

Kim opened her mouth and replied. While she expected to hear a tart "Excuse me?" cross her lips, she heard something entirely different: monkey screeching. Her eyes opened wide with shock as confusion and apprehension gripped her.

"The magic continues to work on you, Possible-san," Sensei explained, "and will continue to do so until you are fully simian." The teacher then turned to his recalcitrant American student. "Only you can stop that from happening, Stoppable-san."

II.

Rodney Gunn sat in his office atop the Rhodegan Industries Tower watching the latest news on a 72" plasma screen TV. Life-sized images of Wally wooing the media sent shivers up Gunn's spine. The knight-cum-CEO pointed the remote at the set the way a hunter aims a rifle at his prey and pressed a button, extinguishing the image of the princeling-turned-pol. Then he turned to his colleagues.

"Thoughts?" he snapped.

"I didn't think he had it in him," one of the knights admitted.

"Agreed," Rodney said.

"This isn't good," another said. "The little weasel's up to something."

"Also agreed," Rodney said before he rose from his chair and strode to the floor-to-ceiling glass wall that overlooked Monte Carlotta. He stood in silence, his back to his comrades, for a few moments. Then he swung around and faced the eleven men seated around the spacious room. "Gentlemen, I think it's time for us to launch a hostile takeover."

III.

"Have you lost your mind?" Ron shouted as he dropped his cane and grabbed Sensei by the robe, still trying to process what he'd just heard: a man whom he'd respected, indeed revered, had just condemned his best friend girlfriend to life as a monkey because of some obsessive desire to see him become the big monkey on campus.

"Stoppable-san!" Yori cried out as she moved to pull her friend off her grandfather.

"Do not interfere," Master Lunch Lady said as she interposed herself between Yori and the two men.

"But …" Yori protested.

"They must work this out between themselves," the old woman said.

Yori, Master Lunch Lady, and Kim all watched as Sensei wriggled free of Ron – then outstretched his arm, his palm open, and sent Ron flying backwards.

"Ron!" Kim said, understandable to only him and the other monkeys, as she ran over to her BFBF. "Are you okay?"

He rubbed his forehead, then looked up at Kim. "I'm sorry, KP. This is all my fault."

Kim looked at Ron, then at Sensei, who stood placidly as if nothing had happened. "Ron, get a grip. You didn't do this. But you have to end this."

"What?"

"It's getting worse," Kim said, returning her gaze to her tow-headed boyfriend. "In the last few minutes I've been feeling, well, more monkey and less human and I'm so not down with that."

"But I don't know what to do!" he protested.

"You have to take Sensei down," she said. "I'm pretty sure that's the key to this sitch."

Ron grimaced, then got to his feet. "Okay, KP, I'll give it my best shot."

"Which I've come to learn is pretty darned good," she said as she rested a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"I think I'll keep you around," he said with a warm smile that she returned. "Well, if you'll excuse me, I'd better go all monkey on Sensei's butt."

Kim cringed.

"That didn't sound right, did it?' Ron asked as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Not so much," Kim conceded as she squeezed her BF's hand.

Ron returned the gesture then approached his teacher, his limp pronounced but his bearing radiating determination and purpose. He bowed, then assumed a monkey kung fu fighting stance as best he could. Sensei reciprocated.

"It will be my honor to kick your biscuit," Ron said.

"Bring," Sensei replied.

Then the two men began to warily circle one another, paying no heed to Kim, Barkin, Master Lunch Lady nor the students, monkey ninjas or simian samurai who had begun to gather to watch the confrontation.

IV.

The King sat at his desk, his fingers steepled before him as he contemplated what he could only describe as his son's bravura performance with the media. He hated to admit it, but the American tramp seemed to be exerting something of a positive influence on his wastrel son: the boy was showing a hitherto unimagined talent for politics and press management.

Still, the King was uneasy. He harbored suspicions that Wally, encouraged by Bonnie, was up to no good. And, he couldn't help but wonder how the Knights would react to this development.

He considered the matter for a few moments, then reached to the intercom to call the royal chamberlain. There was much that needed to be done this day and the King had already spent too much time in idle thought. The monarch pressed the call button but was surprised when no one answered. He tried another of his retainers, but only received the same response: silence.

Concerned, the King rose from his chair and strode to the doors of his office. He opened the door – and found himself staring at the electric halberds being wielded by four Knights of Rhodegan. Behind the armed men was a fifth knight: Rodney Gunn.

"Your Majesty," he said with a slight dip of the head.

"Rodney," the King said, his manner cold.

"I believe we need to talk," Gunn said.

"My people?" the King asked.

"Unharmed," Gunn answered.

"My son?" the King asked.

"Also unharmed," Gunn replied.

"Very well, then," the King said as he turned his back. "Come in."

Rodney followed the King into the office and closed the door behind him, leaving Knight and Monarch alone.

V.

There was nothing that Ron wanted more than to lunge at his teacher. He was tired of being played and he was both furious with and frightened by what was happening to Kim. But Ron knew that taking the offense was the last thing he should do. Sensei had all the advantages: greater skill, more experience, not to mention two good legs. Ron looked around to see if there was something, anything he could turn to his advantage.

He saw nothing.

Nothing at all.

Until his gaze settled on his cane, which he'd dropped when he had grabbed the folds of Sensei's kimono.

Ron wanted to slap himself – the Lotus Blade lay just a few feet away and all because he'd carelessly left it there. If he'd done a better job of keeping his head in the game, he'd already have the weapon in hand. Keeping his eye on his foe, Ron lunged for the stick.

The old man was faster.

Ron found himself on the ground looking up at the inscrutable features of his teacher, who was now brandishing the cane like a katana.

"Have you already forgotten how to summon the Lotus Blade?" Sensei asked as he brought the cane down with surprising force. "You disappoint me, Stoppable-san."

"Yeah, well you're not impressing me right now either," Ron retorted as he rolled out of the way.

"You have it in you to put a stop to all this," Sensei said as he struck again, this time making contact with Ron's arm as the younger man tried to get up.

"Ow!" Ron yelped, only to be met with another sharp blow. "Enough with the hitting!"

Sensei complied: instead of hitting Ron with the cane, he executed a flawless leg sweep, knocking Ron off balance and sending him to the ground. Ron scrabbled to his hands and knees and was about to get up when he felt Sensei's foot drive into his stomach.

"The seed has been planted, now the flower may bloom," Sensei said cryptically.

"Just in case Master Lunch Lady didn't understand you …" Ron wheezed.

"It is time to get this party started," said Sensei, now wreathed in a whirling violet penumbra, as he floated off the ground. Levitating, he outstretched his arms. Then he clapped his palms together, sending a bolt of vermillion toward Ron, once again sending the young man flying, this time hard into a yew tree.

VI.

"That was quite amusing," Wally said as he and Bonnie walked out to his ridiculously expensive car.

"I have to give you your props," she said. "You so had them eating out of your hand."

"Indeed," he said as he climbed in behind the driver's wheel and put on his sunglasses. "Still, I found the whole experience wearying. Perhaps we should go oppress some peasants."

"Not today, punk," an unfamiliar voice growled.

Wally looked up. Emerging from behind the pillars in the parking garage were a dozen armed men wearing sunglasses, purple turtlenecks and black suits: the Knights of Rhodegan.

"Uh, hello my good fellows," the prince said nervously.

"Wally, do something!" Bonnie hissed.

"I think I am," Wally trembled. "I'm being scared silly."

Bonnie rolled her eyes then glared at the man who appeared to the leader. "I don't know who you are, but you have some nerve! Do you know who we are?"

The man smirked. "Yes, I do, Miss Rockwaller …"

Bonnie gulped. "You must be confused. My name's Stonefencer."

"Right," the man said. "And Bonnie Rockwaller is your evil doppelganger."

"No!" Bonnie protested. "She's just someone who happens to look just like me."

The man sighed. "And you actually came how close to taking over the world last year?" he asked in wonderment as his comrades opened the doors to the car. "Now, if you two will get out of the car, nobody will get hurt …"

Bonnie looked down at her hand, wishing she still had the molecular reflex enhancer ring she'd worn during her climactic fight with Kim on the space station the spring of their senior year of high school. Unfortunately, while the Hencho device had given Bonnie amazing speed, this one, like many of Jack Hench's products, had nasty side effects. Not long after her escape from the station, Bonnie noticed that she'd begun to turn yellow. Upon seeing what was happening to her skin, she quickly removed the ring and disposed of it. Lightning-fast reflexes might have been a tremendous asset, but not at the expense of her perfect complexion.

Now, for the first time in her life, Bonnie cursed her vanity.

"Fine," she groused as she slumped in her seat. "We give up."

VII.

She knew there were things she'd once understood and no longer did, things that had been important but no longer were. Some small part of her mind told her that she should be concerned, but it was just a small part, one that was fading. Instead, she was trying to figure out where she could find a banana since she was growing hungry. She was also uncomfortable, feeling constricted by the clothes she was wearing. They didn't seem to serve any purpose, and might even slow her down as she swung from branch to branch. They would definitely prevent her from properly grooming herself. She was about to undress herself when she heard a voice.

"Kim!"

She turned to see a familiar face.

"Chippy?"

"You have to help Ron," the monkey said frantically.

"Ron?" Kim replied. "Ron!"

Her mate! How had she forgotten her mate?

She looked from her smaller friend to the unfolding fight just in time to see Ron go flying into a tree.

Her eyes flew open. "Ron!" she screeched. She loped over to him and cocked her head as she looked at him. She knew that, unlike her, he did not appear to be a monkey. And yet she felt he was more monkey than she or Chippy. It puzzled her. Her thoughts, however, were interrupted by her mate's pain-laced groan.

Her puzzlement quickly turned into anger.

Kim turned. She bared her teeth, hissed, and glowered at Sensei. Then, howling with fury, she charged him.

VIII.

Ron looked up just in time to see Kim rush Sensei. She threw herself at him, only to be backhanded and sent tumbling away by the old man. She picked herself up and growled, then lunged at Sensei, only to be hit by one of his energy blasts. She rose and, once again, went after Sensei.

Once again she was sent flying, further. This time, though, she didn't renew her attack. Instead she curled up and whimpered like an injured, frightened animal.

"No. No!" Ron cried out as he rose unsteadily to his feet. He hobbled over to Kim, who was gibbering in fear, and dropped down to his knees. He looked into her terror-filled eyes and pulled her close to him, hoping to soothe her.

"I'm here, Kim," Ron said softly. "Nobody's going to hurt you anymore." He stroked her hair as he spoke and, much to his relief, noticed that her trembling was subsiding.

Kim looked up at him; her features appeared to have relaxed. "You are a good mate," she said.

"I try," he replied, not knowing what else to say. He looked at his girlfriend who was now no more than a highly intelligent monkey. He didn't know if what had happened to her could even be reversed. He did know that he had to try. And since it was magic that was the ultimate cause of Kim's transformation, it was magic that would have to restore her to her human form.

Ron looked to the shattered remains of the jade banana and could think of only one other source of magic that could save Kim: his mystical monkey power.

His unreliable, erratic, unwanted, ever-annoying mystical monkey power.

He squeezed Kim's hand and rose to his feet. Then he closed his eyes, stretched out his arms, set his jaw and centered himself.

Nothing happened.

He tried centering himself again.

Still nothing.

"Oh come on," he whined.

Then he felt something. Or more accurately, he sensed something: the overwhelming presence of monkeys. They seemed to be everywhere: in his sight, in his hearing, in his mind, in the very depths of his soul. Soon, Ron was bathed in a cerulean blue aura, one that appeared to be filled with spectral monkeys that danced and writhed and cavorted while his hair stood on end, waving wildly.

The monkey ninjas, the simian samurai – and Kim – began to jump up and down, chittering with unbridled excitement.

"George Bush on a skateboard!" Barkin exclaimed.

"The monkey power is indeed strong in him," Sensei said with deep satisfaction.

"What have you done?" Yori demanded as she looked at her two utterly transformed friends.

"Only that which needed to be done," the old man said. "The egg cannot hatch until it has been laid."

For the first time in her life, Yori shot her grandfather a withering look. She was about to say something when she saw Ron approach Kim, who, crouching, now stared at him in awe. He took her hands, then pulled him close to her, bringing his lips to hers.

Ron began to kiss Kim gently. She was fearful, unsure of why her mate wanted to press his mouth against hers. But she trusted him and so resisted the urge to push him away and began to mimic what he was doing. Soon, she was responding with a primal ferocity.

As they kissed, he embraced her – and then they each began to change form.

Kim's fur faded, her feet grew smaller, her tail disappeared, and her face resumed its human form all while Ron began to assume the appearance of a monkey. He kicked off his shoes as his feet grew, he wriggled as fur spread over his body – and his trousers fell just in time to accommodate the tail that peeked out from the bottom of his boxers.

As the changes occurred, the two teens held the kiss. But while Kim continued to hold Ron tight, he broke his embrace, once again stretching out his arms. The blue aura seemed to gather about his hands, then shot outwards from the tips of his fingers, accompanied by an echoing simian shrieking. As the monkey light raced away from Ron, he reverted to his familiar human form.

Kim and Ron broke the kiss and she smiled at him. "Hey, BF."

Ron flashed Kim a goofy grin. "Glad to have you back, KP."

"I'm glad to be back," she said, resting her forehead against Ron's. "You know you really are one spankin' mate."

"Hey, what can I say?" he said as he wrapped his arms around her slender frame. "I am what I is."

She reached for his hand. He responded instinctively and they twined their fingers together. "And don't you ever change that," she said before she brushed her lips against his. "Now, if you don't mind, let's ace this place: My BF owes me a romantic movie, and I've been dying to see _Exterminator II_."

"Badical," Ron said as he returned the kiss.

"Spankin'" she said. "Though first we have to take care of something," she added, her voice far colder than it had been just moments earlier.

Ron didn't need for Kim to explain what required their attention. He, too, had unfinished business with Sensei.

Kim adjusted her clothes, giving Ron a chance to pull up his trousers. Then, grim faced, the two teens marched over to the old man, who had since drifted back to the courtyard. He stood placidly, clearly awaiting them.

"So, what's the stinkin' sitch?" Kim demanded.

"Your anger does not become you, Possible-san," Sensei said.

"Actually," Yori said, "I believe her anger is most appropriate, Grandfather …"

The old man looked as if he had been slapped.

"… I, too, am most interested in knowing what the 'sitch' is."

"Me too," Ron said.

Sensei, unused to being challenged, especially by young people, looked to Master Lunch Lady for support.

"Do not involve me in this, Hikaru-sama. The egg has been laid – and only what is inside may hatch." While she would have denied it vehemently, the three teens would have sworn that they'd seen the old woman smirk with satisfaction.

"Very well," Sensei said. "Stoppable-san, you have now done that which was required of you. You are now truly the Supreme Monkey Master."

"And this was so important why?" Kim asked sharply.

"Stoppable-san will now be able to defend Yamanuchi, indeed the world, against any and all foes."

"Uh, Sensei, in case you haven't noticed," Ron said acidly, "KP and I have been doing a pretty good job of that for a while."

"Perhaps," he replied. "But it is neither wise nor honorable for you to rely upon her."

"Excuse me?" Kim and Ron said, so surprised by Sensei's comment that neither thought to call "jinx."

"A true warrior does not depend upon a lowly woman …" the old man continued.

"What?" Kim, Yori, and Master Lunch Lady exclaimed indignantly.

"… A true warrior must … must," the long-time leader of the Yamanuchi School said before, to the horror of all those present, he dropped to his knee, his eyes rolled back into his head and he collapsed to the ground.

Master Lunch Lady and Yori rushed to his side while Kim pulled out her Kimmunicator.

The teen hero was about to call Wade when Yori spoke. "That will not be necessary," the young ninja said, her voice filled with pain and loss. "Sensei is dead."

* * *

_To Be Continued …_

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**Author's Note:** Should you choose to leave a review, I ask that you _not_ reveal the ending of this chapter so as to not ruin the surprise for other readers. Many thanks!


	10. Chapter 10

Thanks to Mr. Wizard, daywalkr82, spectre666, screaming-phoenix, Mattk, Josh84, Molloy, Kwebs, Classic Cowboy, CajunBear73, Waffled Flambe, Quathis, spedclass, whitem, Ran Hakubi, JeanieBeanie33, Danny-171984, Comet Moon, Joe Stoppinghem, MrNielsen, Aleash, RonHeartbreaker, and Sentinel103 for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Leave a review and I'll send a response.

Special thanks to campy for proofreading this chapter.

KP © Disney

* * *

Story recommendation: Are you reading **Nights in the Big City** by Mr. Wizard. If so, you are a reader with excellent taste. If not, why not? You're missing one of the single best stories on the entire site.

* * *

I.

"I will have to perform an autopsy to determine the cause of Sensei's death."

The ninja physician, who was kneeling by the old man's body, looked to Yori, who was also on her knees. "Of course, I shall only proceed with your permission," he added as he looked to her for direction.

Yori gravely nodded her assent, then gently placed her hand on her grandfather's chest.

"There's something ferociously strange going on here," Kim said as she knelt down next to her friend.

"You are referring to Sensei's erratic behavior before he collapsed?" Yori asked.

Kim nodded, then took a deep breath. "I don't mean any disrespect," she said to the doctor as she held aloft the Kimmunicator, "but I'd like to scan Sensei."

"You believe Load-san might be able to provide some illumination?" Yori asked hopefully.

"Actually," Kim said. "I was thinking of Mom."

II.

"This is so unfair!" Bonnie complained as she contemplated her confinement.

"I know," Wally agreed. "The nerve of these ruffians. They took away my car! And my yacht! Who do they think they are?"

"The new rulers of Monte Carlotta," the deposed king said as he watched Rodney Gunn's press conference announcing the abrupt change of government.

"But the people won't stand for this outrage!" Wally said.

Wally's father sighed. "I'm not so sure about that," he said archly as the broadcast switched to images of joyful crowds dancing and singing in the streets. Gunn had lost no time in announcing the repeal of all income taxes, with the lost revenue being made up through the disposition of most of the former ruling family's assets (save the 200 foot yacht, which was to be the nucleus of a new navy). Not surprisingly, the move had gone over quite well with the masses.

"Then all is lost," Wally whined.

"Well, at least they left us with the castle," the erstwhile monarch said as he dropped down into a leather chair and picked up a book.

"And there are the go-carts," Wally said enthusiastically as he turned to Bonnie. "Would you like to race me?"

Bonnie looked at the former royals in shock, then contempt. "I so can't believe this!" she snapped. "Look at you two!"

"And what do you expect us to do, Miss Rockwaller?" the king asked. "We're under house arrest, after all."

"I don't know!" she said, throwing up her hands. "But we're not going to take this sitting down."

"Really?" the king said, setting down his book.

"Yes," she insisted, slamming her fist into her palm to emphasize her point. "We're going to take back what's ours."

"Ours?" the king said, quirking an eyebrow.

"Fine," Bonnie groused. "What's yours."

"Oh goody!" Wally squealed. "We're getting back my car and yacht!"

The king looked at his son with concern. Gunn and his associates had acted with brutal efficiency. And the knights had made clear their dislike for Wally. There was no question: the boy was in danger. Bonnie, however, was a different matter. She was viperous, cunning and untrustworthy. She, the King suspected, might well be able to hold her own against the knights, restore the royal house's fortunes, and, most important, secure the family's safety.

"Very well, Miss Rockwaller. Perhaps we should consider our options," the deposed monarch said, feeling as if he was about to strike a deal with the devil. "What do you propose?"

III.

"Are you okay, Son?" Mrs. Load asked. "You're hardly eating."

"I'm fine, Mom," Wade replied. "It's just, that, wow, I can't believe I've made a decision."

"We know how hard a choice this was for you," Lontaine Load added. "We would have been proud of you regardless of what you chose to do."

"Thanks, Dad," Wade said. "That means a lot to me. You know—"

The young genius's comment was interrupted by the familiar beeps of Kim's Kimmunicator. Wade had set distinctive alarms so he'd know who was calling in: Kim, Ron, Jim and Tim, and, until recently, Team Impossible. "Excuse me," he said with urgency as he rose from his seat at the table. "Kim's calling in. I'd better see if she and Ron are okay."

The Loads watched as their son left the room to take the call from his world-saving friend. "He's one remarkable young man, isn't he?" Mrs. Load said.

"Don't you know it," Mr. Load agreed. "Now, why don't you pass me that platter …"

IV.

Wade sat down in front of his monitor, which was already on. He was greeted by the image of Kim, whose expression was serious.

"Hi, Wade," she said.

"Hey, Kim," he replied. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes and no," she answered. "Ron found me and we dealt with Monkey Fist."

"That's great," Wade said.

"Yeah," Kim agreed. "Unfortunately, Sensei died."

"What?" Wade exclaimed.

"It's been so the drama," Kim said. She told Wade about the bizarre series of events at Yamanuchi.

"How's Ron handling things?" he asked when she was done.

"All things considered, ferociously well," Kim said as she looked off to the side of the courtyard, where she saw her boyfriend comforting Yori. A small smile formed as Kim thought of just how resilient her BFBF really was: he'd saved her from a simian future, then pivoted to assist his ninja friend in her time of loss.

Wade cleared his throat, catching Kim's attention. "So, when did Sensei die?"

"Just a little while ago. We don't know the cause of death, but the Yamanuchi physician wants to perform an autopsy."

"But that will take time and you want answers now," Wade said.

"Please and thank you," Kim replied.

Wade typed a series of commands into his computer. Moments later the diode on the top of the Kimmunicator began to glow green. "Okay," he said. "Run the beam across Sensei's body."

"Done," Kim said.

"Great. Do you want me to send the data to your mother?" he asked, anticipating Kim's suggestion.

"Please and thank you," Kim said. "And while you're at it, please tell her and Mrs. Stoppable that Ron and I are doing fine. Mr. Barkin's okay, too."

"Will do," Wade said. "I'll let you know as soon as we know anything."

"Thanks again, Wade," Kim said. "As always, you rock."

Wade beamed. "Say hi to Ron for me," he said before he ended the call and watched the screen go black. He sat quietly for a moment, then began processing the data. He was going to miss being a part of the team.

V.

At Wade's suggestion, Kim had plugged the Kimmunicator into a computer terminal in one of Yamanuchi's classrooms, allowing everyone to view the conference call on a 32-inch computer monitor instead of the communication device's small screen. Kim was joined by Ron, Yori, Master Lunch Lady, and the ninja physician.

"Okay, I'm going to hand this over to Dr. Possible," Wade announced as his image was replaced by that of Middleton's foremost brain surgeon.

"Hey, Mom," Kim said.

"Hi, Kim, Ron," Ann said. She was unable to suppress a smile when she saw the two teens sitting shoulder to shoulder.

"Hola, Dr. P," Ron replied. "You remember Yori?"

"I do," Ann said. "I'm sorry about your loss."

"Thank you, Possible-sama," the young ninja said with a dip of the head. She then looked into the camera. "Allow me to introduce two of the most honored members of the Yamanuchi School faculty, Master Lunch Lady and Nakamura-sama, our school physician."

The old food service worker nodded, as did the doctor.

"I have been most impressed with your research, Doctor Possible," the man said. "You are doing some most impressive things in the area of neurological research."

"Thanks," Ann said. "Though anything I'm doing pales in comparison to what Wade does. These images he sent were incredible. I still can't believe they were taken by Kim's Kimmunicator."

"Believe it, Mom," Kim said. "After all, this is Wade we're talking about. So, did you learn anything?"

Ann's demeanor changed. The mother was gone, replaced by the medical professional. "Sensei experienced a massive cerebral aneurysm."

"Excuse me," Master Lunch Lady interrupted. "Would this aneurysm account for a change in behavior? Sensei had been acting … unlike himself lately."

"No," Ann said. "But a brain tumor would. Unfortunately, Sensei was suffering from a grade IV astrocytoma or _glioblastoma multiforme_."

"Doctor P, I'm not even going to pretend to know what you're talking about," Ron confessed.

"A very advanced, aggressive cancer was attacking Sensei's cerebrum," Ann explained. "That's the part of the brain that controls thought and emotions, among other things. To be honest, given how advanced Sensei's cancer was, I would have been surprised if there hadn't been any impact on his behavior. Again, I'm sorry, Yori."

"There is no need to apologize, Possible-sama," the young ninja said. "You have explained much and, I believe, set many minds at ease. Would it be too much trouble to ask you to share your data with Nakamura-sama?"

"Of course not," Ann said. "I'll have Wade forward the information to you."

"Thank you," Yori said. "The Yamanuchi School is in your debt. If ever there is anything we can do to repay you, please let us know."

"Just take care of yourself," Ann said before adding, "We'll see you when you get home, Kimmie. Bye."

"Bye, Mom," Kim said before she ended the connection.

All eyes turned to Yori. She rose from her chair, walked to the window, and looked out at the school her grandfather had led for so many years and that she would now head. Then she turned and looked back at the doctor. "Nakamura-sama, unless you tell me otherwise, given the information Possible-sama was able to provide us, I do not believe an autopsy will be necessary."

"I should review her data first," the ninja physician said, "However, I agree that barring any surprises we will be able to dispense with an autopsy."

"Master Lunch Lady," Yori said. "Would you please tend to Sensei's funeral arrangements?"

"It would be my honor," the old woman said gravely.

"Thank you," Yori said before she turned to Ron. "Stoppable-sama, is it still your wish that I lead the School?"

"Yeah, it is," he said. "You'll be a great Sensei, Yori."

"I am honored by your confidence," she said with a bow. "My first act as the new Sensei," she then announced, "is to declare a formal period of mourning for our departed teacher that will begin with his funeral rites tomorrow. I trust that you will stay?"

Ron looked at Kim, who took his hand and squeezed and nodded, then to Yori. "It would be our honor," he replied.

VI.

The king sat back in his leather chair, his lips pursed, his fingers steepled, as he looked at Bonnie, considering what she had just proposed. Finally, he nodded. "A most impressive plan, Miss Rockwaller," he said. "Most impressive indeed. And you believe you are capable of successfully executing this scheme?"

"Well, duh," she said. "If I didn't think so, I wouldn't suggest it would I?"

"No, I suspect you would not," the king agreed. "Wallace?"

The prince sat slumped in his chair, frowning. "It sounds fine," he said. "I just wish it wasn't going to take so long."

"Look, Wally, neither am I. But if we're going to do this, we have to do it right," Bonnie said with the patience of one who'd spent fourteen years studying ballet.

"You promise that I'll get back my yacht?" Wally asked, eliciting a roll of the eyes from his father.

"And the car, too," she said with a wicked grin.

"Very well, then. Let us proceed," the king said, not knowing that while Bonnie fully intended for the royals to be returned to power, she planned to be the one running Monte Carlotta.

VII.

After Yori had apprised the students and faculty of Sensei's passing, Ron had announced that Yori was to be the new Sensei, Master Lunch Lady had made everyone work for their sushi, and Kim and Ron had spent some time comforting Yori, the two teen heroes took a walk down to the glade outside of the school walls. They sat in silence at the water's edge, their feet bare and dangling in the water, their shoulders touching, their fingers entwined.

"You were good with Yori," Kim finally said.

"Just trying to pass on the love," Ron said. "I remember how badical you were when Dad died."

"No big," Kim said as she squeezed Ron's hand. "So, how about you?"

"What about me?" Ron said.

"I know how important Sensei was to you," Kim said. "How are you doing?"

Ron shrugged and Kim wrapped a comforting arm around him. "I'm here for you," she said.

"I know," he sighed. "I'm sorry I've been such a jerk."

Kim couldn't stifle her groan. She thought they'd established that they'd both acted less than admirably in recent days, that each had offered sufficient apologies, and that forgiveness extended and accepted.

Ron looked at his girlfriend. "I know what you're thinking, KP."

"Oh?" she asked, quirking an eyebrow. "You think you know me that well?"

"Yeah, actually, I do," he grinned. "You're saying, 'Why can't Ron stop harshing on himself? We both messed up. I wish he'd go easy on himself'."

"Okay, so you do know me that well," she said with a smirk. "And I so wish you would go easy on yourself. I know how much Sensei meant to you."

"That's why I'm sorry," Ron said. "I don't want to lose you."

"What are you talking about? You're not going to lose me."

"But I could," he said.

Kim rolled her eyes. "Ron, I thought we cleared this up. Yes, I'm tweaked about your grade sitch and I wasn't happy about BB—"

Ron shook his head. "I didn't mean it that way, KP," he interrupted. "I know we're cool. I was thinking about Dad and Sensei. You never know when you're going to lose someone you care about. I mean, sure, I know that someday we're both going to kick the bucket but, well, I just can't imagine what I'd do if I lost you …"

"I know what you mean," she said gently. Then she looked at their twined fingers and gently squeezed. "You and I are a team," Kim said. "Always have been, always will be – even if we may need to remind ourselves of that fact every once in awhile. As long as we remember that, we can do anything."

"Thanks," he said as he looked at their joined hands.

Kim and Ron sat in companionable silence, watching the afternoon sunlight play on the water, listening to the birdsong. After a while, she slipped her fingers from his, reached up and cupped his face in her hands. "I love you, Ron," she whispered. "Don't you ever forget that."

"And what if I do?" he asked playfully.

"Then you will be so busted," she replied as she drew him into a kiss.

VIII.

"Okay, now that's something you don't see every day," Ron said as he and Kim entered the courtyard.

"Understatement much?" she agreed.

There, in the heart of the ancient school, Steve Barkin was teaching the monkey ninjas how to play the manly sport of rugby.

"See you at dinner?" Kim asked as she gave him a buss on the cheek.

"Yeah," Ron answered. He watched Kim head off to the guest quarters, then turned his attention back to their old teacher. He paused, then headed over to the scrum just in time to see fifteen gi-clad monkeys tackle and overwhelm Barkin, who'd been carrying the ball.

"Hey, Mr. B," Ron said as Barkin climbed out from beneath the pile of simians.

"Stoppable," he grunted.

"You got a minute?"

"Sure," Barkin replied before he turned his attention to his fellow ruggers. "Okay, people, take fifteen." The former military man looked back at his one-time student. "What's on your mind?"

Ron took a deep breath, then answered. "We've got a problem."

Barkin stood before Ron, arms crossed, brow furrowed. "Go on."

"You like Mom, Mom likes you," Ron said. "She's entitled to be happy."

Barkin nodded. "Yes, she is."

"But you and me, well, we still seem to have issues," Ron continued.

"How so?" Barkin asked.

Ron looked Barkin in the eye. "I thought we were cool when we left on this mission. You seemed down with me being in charge. But then you got all, all, well Barkiny on me and tried to take charge."

"So, you thought I was subverting command authority?" Barkin said.

"Actually, I thought you were freaking out," Ron said.

"Explain. Now," Barkin snapped.

"Nuh uh uh," Ron said. "You have to ask nicely."

"What are you babbling about?"

"You and I have a, well, a relationship," Ron said. "For four years, it was all real clear: you were the teacher, I was the student. You made the rules and I had to follow them. If I didn't, you could send me to detention. Of course, you could also send me to detention because you didn't like the way I looked at you in ninth grade."

"What's your point, Stoppable?"

"You're not my teacher anymore," Ron said. "You're the guy who's dating my Mom. And you're enough of a stand-up dude to want me to be cool with that. But the idea of me having any kind of power over you is weirding you out. It's not what you're used to. And to be honest, I find the whole thing really bizarre myself."

Barkin pursed his lips. "Stoppable, if I could, I'd send you to detention for what you're saying."

"Why?" Ron shot back. "Don't like the truth?"

Barkin paused, then grinned. "Maybe not."

That surprised Ron. "Really?"

"Yeah," Barkin said. "I want your Mom to be happy. I've doing my best on that front. But I know she won't really settle into our relationship until she knows you're on board. Given our history …"

Ron held up his hand. "Mr. B – Steve – say no more: you have my blessing …"

Now it was Barkin's turn to be surprised.

"… If being with you is what makes Mom happy," Ron said, "then I'm all for it. Sure, you wouldn't have been the first name that came to mind if someone asked me who her ideal boyfriend would be, but stranger things have happened."

"Like you and Possible?"

Ron grinned. "Yeah."

"So, how are things between you two?"

"Good," Ron said. "Real good."

"I'm glad to hear that," Barkin said. "You two really are good for each other."

"I know," Ron agreed. "And I hope that you and Mom find out that you're just as good for one another."

"Thanks," Barkin said. "So, you want to join us?" he asked, hooking his thumb towards the monkey ninjas.

Ron looked at the squad of diminutive ruggers, then looked back to the guest quarters. Some serious lip smacking beckoned from across the courtyard. Here he'd most probably find pain. He was about to go to Kim when he felt a small hand tug at his trousers. It was Chippy.

"Come on," she said in Monkey. "It'll be fun. Besides, someone has to keep Mr. Barkin in line."

"What do you mean?" Ron replied in the simian's language.

"He's been threatening us with something called a crab walk."

"Okay," Ron said to Chippy. "I'm in." Then he turned to his one-time teacher, took the rugby ball, and grinned. "Stevie, it's time for me to take you down."

"I'd like to see you try, Stoppable," he said. While Barkin's words didn't surprise Ron, the man's expression did: he'd never seen the educator offer such a warm, effusive smile.

IX.

The sun shone bright the following morning as the entire Yamanuchi community gathered in the courtyard to bid farewell to Sensei. His shrouded body lay atop a massive funeral pyre that had been built overnight by the students. All those present save two wore black. Steve Barkin, being unfamiliar with the school's resources, was amazed to have found a tailored, perfectly sized business suit awaiting him when he awoke. The duo not wearing mourning black consisted of Yori, who had donned the gold-trimmed crimson robes of a Yamanuchi Sensei, and Ron, who wore an ancient robe that purportedly once belonged to Toshimiru himself. Standing by Yori and Ron were Master Lunch Lady, who wore a black kimono and Kim, who was similarly dressed.

Kim had been surprised when Yori had presented her with the garment before sunrise and told her of the role she was to play in the coming ceremony. Kim had begun to object when Yori cut her off.

"Without you, Ron-san would not be who he is today," Yori said with her accustomed insight. "It is because of you, Kim Possible, that he is Master of the Yamanuchi Ninja and the Supreme Monkey Master. It is only right that you be by his side today. He will need you there."

Kim looked at the young ninja and bowed. "It will be my honor," she said as she took the kimono from Yori. She then set it down and took the young woman's hands in hers. "As long as you remember that just like Ron, I'm there by your side, too."

Yori smiled. "You are a good friend, Kim Possible," she said as she pulled Kim in for a hug. "Thank you," she added as she began to cry.

"No big," Kim said softly.

"I will miss him," Yori whispered.

"I know," Kim said as she held her friend and allowed her to give free rein to her grief. "I know."

That had been in the early hours of the morning. Now, the tears were gone and Yori was the model of an unflappable, stoic Sensei, the embodiment of a ninja, one in whom her grandfather would take immense pride.

A hush fell over the assembly as a venerable Buddhist priest approached the pyre. He intoned a series of sutras, then turned to Ron. "It is time, Stoppable-sama," he said with a bow.

Ron bowed in return and then gestured to a student who bore a flaming torch. The torch was brought to Ron, who took it from the youth after they had bowed to one another. He looked at Kim and Master Lunch Lady, and then to Yori, who nodded.

Ron approached the pyre. As he did, a gentle breeze blew across the school grounds. The late morning sunlight danced on the leaves of the trees and birdsong could be heard in the distance. He paused, momentarily lost in thought. Then he touched the torch to the kindling, saw the wood catch fire, and watched as the flames began to spread. The fire climbed upwards, growing in intensity, roaring, crackling, casting off heat. It wasn't long before the flames began to lap at the shroud covering Sensei. Kim, recalling Yori's words, joined Ron and took his left hand in hers. His face still facing Sensei, Ron gently squeezed his partner's hand, letting her know he knew he was not alone – and nor was she.

They stood there together, watching as the fire gathered force, building until it engulfed the old man's remains. Ron thought of the confidence his teacher and mentor had shown in him during his first visit as an exchange student, then to the darker events of the previous day, and finally of a moment in DNAmy's keep during Kim and Ron's junior year of high school. The memory returned with such force, such clarity, that Ron felt as if he were reliving the moment. Kim was with him, and so was Yori. And so too was Monkey Fist, prattling on scornfully, heaping abuse on Sensei.

As Ron recalled what he'd said to Fist that day, inspired by his teacher's example, a grin played at the corner of his mouth. He extended his right arm, holding out his fist as if offering a knuckle bump, and said softly, "Nothing but love, Sensei, nothing but love."

* * *

_To Be Continued  
_


	11. Chapter 11

Thanks to whitem, Mr. Wizard, Comet Moon, daywalkr82, screaming phoenix, noncynic, CajunBear73, Quathis, Josh84, Kwebs, Sir Sebastian, spectre666, Molloy, and Michael Howard for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

As always, leave a review and I'll send a response.

Thanks to campy for proofreading.

KP © Disney

* * *

I.

Dawn was breaking as the courtyard filled with students, faculty, monkey ninjas and simian samurai. Kim, Ron, and Barkin were ready to leave Yamanuchi, and their hosts had turned out en masse to bid them farewell. Yori, once again wearing her Sensei robe, stepped forth from the crowd and approached the trio.

"Looking good, Yori," Ron said with a grin. "The robage suits you."

"Thank you, Stoppable-sama," she said.

"Yeah, about the sama …" he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

She held up a hand, cutting him off. "Is it not said in your Bible's Book of Ecclesiastes that for everything there is a season? Even if your destiny lies elsewhere, this is your season to accept the honor of being our leader."

"Man, you're good," Ron said as he shook his head and grinned. "Looks like you got me there."

Yori nodded at Ron's concession, then smiled impishly. "Of course, this does not mean that your American-style buffoonery is not welcome here. It will always be—"

The assembly gasped, then began to laugh as Ron's trousers fell down around his ankles.

"Aw, man," he groaned. "Even when I'm the monkey master!"

While Ron dealt with his pants, Chippy ran up to a chuckling Kim and hugged her. The teen hero gladly returned the embrace. "Thanks for everything, Chippy," she said. "You rock."

The monkey chittered animatedly in response. While Kim was grateful to no longer be a monkey, she was saddened by her inability to communicate with her diminutive friend. She was surprised when she heard Ron sniff. Kim looked up to see him wiping a tear away from his eye.

"That was beautiful," Ron said, his voice choked with emotion.

"Excuse me?" she asked.

"Chippy said you were the big sister she always wanted but never had."

"Really?" Kim said as she returned her attention to the monkey, who nodded. She looked affectionately at Chippy and took the primate's hand in hers. "Well I think you're a pretty spankin' little sister," Kim said.

Chippy beamed before she hugged Kim again.

Ron looked to Yori. There was a piece of unresolved business that still required his attention. "So, uh, Mona …"

"Fear not, Stoppable-sama," Yori said. "It will be my honor to return the painting to its rightful home."

"You sure?" he asked. "I mean, we could always send it back …"

"I am quite sure," she replied. "My family was responsible for the theft of the art and my family shall be responsible for its restoration."

"Okay, fair enough," Ron said. "Well, I guess it's time to go."

"It would appear so," she said. "I wish you a safe journey to the airport."

"Man, am I glad I had the school get that shuttle bus," Ron said as he looked towards the gate.

Yori and Master Lunch Lady exchanged a knowing glance that Ron couldn't help but note.

"That wasn't a good glance, was it?" Ron said.

"That depends," Master Lunch Lady observed. "If you believe in the value of a vigorous cardio-vascular workout, it was a most propitious glance."

"And what if Mr. B's not about the cardio-vascular workout?" Ron asked.

"Then the glance would be most unpropitious," the old woman said.

"What's she talking about?" Barkin asked Kim. "I'm always up for a good cardio-vascular workout."

"That's good," Kim said. "Because I think we're going to have hike down the mountain."

"You can't be serious," Barkin said as he peered out the gate, across the rope bridge and down the path that led into the mist-shrouded distance.

"She's serious," Ron said glumly. "Man, this tanks," he added as he recalled previous treks he'd made down to the highway.

"Tanks?" Barkin said as he thumped Ron on the back. "This is amazing! There's nothing like a forced march down a mountain to get the heart pumping! Now if only we could strap bags of cement to our backs …"

II.

Kim was comfortably ensconced in the first class cabin of Air Japan Flight 13, her napping boyfriend beside her. She looked fondly at him, then turned her attention to the window and the sky beyond. She watched a majestic cloudscape pass below the aircraft and allowed her thoughts to drift.

She thought of the latest adventure she and Ron had shared, of the movie he had wanted to see, of the seminar she planned to drop, of home and her parents and Mrs. Stoppable dating Mr. Barkin and finally of Rabbi Katz and a conversation she, Ron, and Katz had shared more than a year ago. Kim would never claim to be an expert on relationship counseling, but she was quite confident that theirs must have been one of the oddest sets of fears any couple had ever brought into a clergyman's study.

She smiled when she recalled the look of surprise on the rabbi's face when she asked Ron if he'd stay with her even if she were turned into a monkey, while Ron sought assurances that she'd still want him around even if he lost his mystical monkey power. Her smile faded, however, when she considered the events that had led up to their most recent adventure. While Kim had no doubt that she and Ron had drawn closer because of what had transpired, she also recognized that if she and Ron were going to build a life together, they were going to have to confront some serious issues, starting with the Badical Burrito.

Kim sighed. Ron had invested so much of himself in the restaurant. She was quite proud of what he'd accomplished. But she was honest and mature enough to admit that she was also jealous. Here they were, not even through with their freshman year of college and Ron was already rebuilding a successful business. And what was she doing? Trying to become the first sophomore in the history of Middleton College to captain the cheer squad. And, she reminded herself before she harshed too much on herself, maintaining a 3.95 grade point average.

Kim allowed her thoughts to wander to the paper on Sumerian mythology she was working on for Professor Williams' archaeology class. It wasn't long, however, before her ruminations shifted from events in ancient Mesopotamia to the future. Over the course of the past two years her Potential Boy had become Ron Sponsible. Disorienting as it might be, Ron was actually preparing for the future – their future. True, he was doing it in a way that was imperiling his academic career, and that angered her greatly, but he was doing it nonetheless. That he had actually given more consideration to what lay ahead for her professionally than she had was the proverbial icing on the cake or, more apropos to their sitch, the Diablo sauce on the Kimmarito.

Kim knew Ron's hunch about her future was right: she most likely would do something to help people. After all, she wasn't double majoring in pre-med and international relations so she could become a plastic surgeon for the likes of vapid celebutantes like Camille Leon. Instead, Kim wanted to keep saving the world, even if it was just one person at a time. She pictured herself in some remote village, tending to sick children in the aftermath of some natural disaster. And as the vision came into focus, she knew that Ron would be by her side.

She gently caressed her BFBF's cheek, moved by the knowledge that he wanted to make her dreams, whatever they might be – or cost – come true. She vowed then to help him achieve his dreams – while making sure he graduated from college and had some fun doing so. The smile that had faded a few minutes earlier returned, accompanied by a sense of peace and confidence in the future.

Kim, relaxed, pulled down the shade, closed her eyes and soon nodded off.

III.

Steve Barkin, who had been drifting off to sleep after reading the latest issue of _Educator of Fortune_ was jolted awake by a snore unlike any he'd ever heard before.

"Stoppable," he muttered as he rose from his seat, prepared to shake the tow-headed young man awake. He stood, stepped into the aisle, then looked at the occupants of the row before him and gawped.

The source of the epic snore wasn't Ron.

It was the 105-pound redhead napping next to him.

IV.

Bonnie grinned wickedly as she approached the guard. The young man was seated at an ornate Baroque desk, doing what appeared to be paperwork. She could tell he was bored and she was pleased – his ennui would work in her favor.

"Hello there," she said in an inviting, sultry voice.

The guard, who was indeed fighting tedium after hours of uneventful duty and too many Sudoku puzzles, looked up. Standing before him was the erstwhile prince's girlfriend, who was wearing a short, revealing cocktail dress, batting her eyes at him and smiling coquettishly.

The man grinned and laid down his pencil.

Bonnie leaned over and blew in his ear. "You're hot," she whispered.

"Thanks," he replied before adding, "I'm also gay."

"What?" Bonnie shrieked. "You can't be!"

"Actually, I can. And I am," the man said genially.

Bonnie's eye twitched.

"I'll give you credit," the guard said. "Seduction was a good idea, a classic, really. I'm sure that there are men out there who would have responded to you very enthusiastically."

"This is like so unfair!" Bonnie groused.

"I guess from your perspective it is," the guard replied with a shrug.

Bonnie shot him a withering look. "Thanks," she grumbled. Then she turned to leave.

"By the way," the guard said. "Don't waste your time with my colleagues."

"You don't mean …" Bonnie looked at the man in disbelief.

"Every single one of us."

"Gay?"

"As old Paree."

"No way," Bonnie said.

"Way," the guard replied.

"Great," she said with a roll of the eyes before she asked, "Why?"

The man laughed. "Please don't take this the wrong way, Miss Rockwaller, but your reputation precedes you. The knights decided it would be wise not to take any chances in case … well, you understand."

"Whatever," Bonnie snapped before she stalked off down the corridor. "Stupid men."

She fumed as she headed back to her room. Her plan had been simple, devious, and perfect.

And now it lay in ruins.

_Unless …_

Bonnie, having arrived at the obvious solution to her dilemma, hurried off to find Wally.

She knew there was no way he was going to like her idea. No way at all.

Of course, as far as Bonnie was concerned, that was Wally's problem, not hers.

V.

The flight from Japan arrived on time and without incident, pleasing the hundreds of passengers who were ready to disembark and continue on their journeys, whether to see friends, visit with family, or tour the famous Middleton Pickle Works. The jumbo jet taxied to the terminal and came to a stop. After the passengers were cleared to use their electronic devices, Kim activated the Kimmunicator and called her mother, confirming that a ride home would be waiting for the tired trio of travelers.

Kim, Ron and Barkin were once again thankful for their first class seats since they were able to deplane first. The three were walking down the jetway towards the gate when Barkin sprinted ahead.

"What's gotten into Mister B?" Ron asked.

"I think it's pretty obvious," Kim said with a smile.

"Oh, man, that is sick and wrong," Ron said as he saw what his girlfriend had seen first.

"Ron!" Kim hissed. "Be nice."

"But KP!" he began to protest.

"Ron …" she growled, her tone and demeanor brooking no dissent.

"Fine," he conceded as he watched Mr. Barkin kiss his mother in the arrivals area of the Middleton Airport. "But you have to agree it's awkweird," he added, earning a sharp elbow to the side.

VI.

"Are you sure you wish to go in alone?" Phin asked.

"Yeah, I am," Shego said. "This is something I have to do on my own."

"Very well then," Phin replied. "I'll wait for you here. If you need me, don't hesitate to call."

Shego smiled appreciatively at her paramour. "Thanks, Sport, I appreciate it," she said before giving him a kiss on the cheek. Then she climbed out of the very expensive, late model sports hovercar they'd jacked on their date the previous evening and walked purposefully across the parking lot. She paused when she reached the doors and hesitated before entering. She had always been a strong, secure woman, but she was honest enough to acknowledge that at some deep, primal level what lay inside scared her.

Shego knew she was fortunate to be endowed with tremendous beauty, a panoply of skills, natural athleticism and her comet-derived glow power. But it was her intellect that she considered her greatest asset. Without it, she would have been apprehended long ago. And she'd be poor, too. It wasn't her glow power, after all, that enabled her to make a killing in the stock market before the dot com bust, something of which she was quite proud.

But to those behind the doors she was about to enter, mind and intelligence no longer mattered. What good was a sky-high intellect for somebody who was insane? She had mused on more than one occasion that there was an irony to a mad scientist going crazy. But it happened, even to the best of them.

Even to Doctor Drakken.

Shego had never given any thought to losing one's mind until her one-time colleague in evil had snapped. Since then she had thought about the possibility on more than one occasion. The doctors still weren't sure what had triggered Drakken's madness, and that made Shego uneasy. If his mental illness was the result of exposure to radiation from one of his inventions, she too could …

Shego sighed and shook her head. That line of thinking wasn't helpful. All she could do was live in the moment and enjoy what she had. She was at the top of her game, quite rich, professionally challenged, and now doing something she'd never thought possible: dating a man she considered her equal.

The villainess took a deep breath, centered herself and walked into the Shady Knoll Rest Home for Shady Villains.

Shego walked across the lobby and approached a chrome half-moon desk.

"May I help you?" a pleasant-looking receptionist asked.

"Yeah," Shego said. "I'm here to see Doctor Drakken."

"Do you have an appointment?" the woman asked.

"Yes," the villainess said. "The name's Shego."

The woman typed on her keyboard, pulled up a file, and nodded. "He's in the Lido Lab. Walk down that corridor and take your first right and go straight. It will be the third one on the left."

"Thanks," Shego said. She turned and walked in the indicated direction. As she passed by the first lab door she heard nothing. Insane laughter could be heard coming from the second lab. When she reached the third door, she knocked. Nobody answered so she knocked again. Still receiving no response, she opened the door and saw the hunched-over form of her former employer standing amidst a teeming sea of note cards.

"Doctor D?" she said, taken aback by the mess.

He turned around.

"Shego?"

The glamorous henchwoman grinned. While Drakken's skin tone was that of any other white male – the result of his self-reinvention as Andrew Drake – he had let his hair grow out so he could sport a ponytail and was once again wearing his signature dark blue evil scientist's outfit.

"Love what you've done with the place," she said sarcastically as she saw the complex equations that had been scrawled on the walls. "So, how are you?"

"Never been better," he said brightly. Shego couldn't help but notice that the manic gleam in his eye was somehow different than the one to which she'd grown accustomed over the years they'd worked together. There was something about her old colleague's countenance that she found unsettling. "We're working on my most brilliant plan ever!"

"We?" she said.

"Yes, me, and Mister Cuddlesworth," he said, indicating his stuffed bear, who was decked out in a lab coat.

"Gotcha," Shego said, thankful that the God to whom she clearly didn't pray enough in gratitude had seen fit to give her a world-class poker face. Otherwise, her normally expressive features would have betrayed shock and dismay at the way her onetime employer was giving the stuffed animal knuckle bumps. "So," she said, "what kind of plan are you guys cooking up?"

"I'm going to take over Bueno Nacho, which I will then use to distribute seemingly innocent toys that will in reality be disguised cybertronic attack robots. The world will fall before me!"

"Uh, Doctor D," Shego noted. "I hate to remind you, but you tried that. Kinda didn't work out …"

"But this time it will!" he crowed.

"I'm going to regret asking this," she said, falling into an all-too-familiar conversational pattern, "but why will this time be different than any of the others?"

"Because this time I will defeat Kim Possible! I've finally figured out her weakness."

"Oy," Shego groaned. "Not the slumber parties again."

"I know what you're thinking," Drakken said as he waggled a finger. "'The Doctor's lost it.'"

"Well, now that you mention it," Shego conceded. "I mean, recycling old schemes …"

"But that's the beauty of it!" Drakken crowed. "This one has been tested! The Diablo plot was the most geniusy thing I've ever devised!"

"Geniusy?" Shego asked. "Did you really just say 'geniusy'?"

"So what if I did?" Drakken replied before adding petulantly, "It's my lab, I can say whatever I want."

"Whatever," she said as she rubbed her temples.

"As I was saying, Shego, I know Kim Possible's weakness."

"Boys?" Shego said dismissively. "Newsflash, Doc: Eric or Troy or whoever you cook up isn't going to cut it. As hard as it may be to believe, Princess is still tight with the sidekick."

Drakken grinned. "That's what I assumed," he said.

Shego was surprised by Drakken's declaration.

"You see, Shego, Kim Possible's weakness isn't boys. It's one boy: the buffoon. He was the key to defeating her. Separate the two of them and whammo!"

"Whammo?"

"Whammo, Shego," Drakken crowed as he high-fived Mister Cuddlesworth. "Kim Possible is history, nothing, nada, yesterday's news, over and out …"

Shego rubbed her chin. The weekend's events had reminded her of how solid Kim and Ron were as a team. If they were somehow broken up … "Okay, let's say you're right," she said. "Fat lot of good that does you now."

"Exactly!" Drakken exclaimed.

"Okay, now you've really lost me," she said.

"Knowing Kim Possible's weakness now doesn't do me any good. But knowing her weakness – and that of my greatest plan ever – in the past, does."

Shego snorted. "What are you going to do? Travel back in time to tell yourself what's wrong with your plan?"

"That's exactly what I'm going to do," Drakken said as he waved his arm at the math-covered walls and the multitude of index cards. "With what I know now I will go back in time and ensure that I didn't fail then."

Shego took a deep breath. "Okay, I'm going to regret asking this, but how do you plan on making all of this happen?"

"I'm going to build a time machine," he answered. "But I'll need your help. Together, we'll change history!"

Shego looked away uncomfortably.

"What?" he asked.

Shego sighed. "Doc … Drew … I'm not interested in changing history."

"Why not? You have something better to do with your time?"

"Actually, yes," she said softly. "Life's pretty good right now. I've, well, I've met someone."

"You have a new employer?" he asked. "You're not working for Dementor, are you?"

"No," she sighed. "I'm, well, I'm seeing someone."

Drakken looked at her, his normally animated face an impassive mask. "I see," he finally said. "Is it serious?"

"Yeah, I think it is," she replied.

"Does he have a name?"

"Phin," Shego said.

"Well," Drakken asked. "Where did you meet this Phin?"

"On a job. He's on the wrong side of the law, too."

"So, the couple that works together, stays together," he said, trying to sound nonchalant but failing miserably.

"Something like that," she said in a room suddenly enveloped in awkwardness. "Look, I know this is going to sound awful, but I hope we can still be friends."

"Friends, of course," Drakken said. "Evil friends!"

"Great," Shego said. "Look, I should probably be going."

"Yes, of course," Drakken said as he clasped his hands behind his back and stood tall, mustering all of his dignity. "Thank you for visiting."

"My pleasure," Shego replied before she impulsively embraced Drakken. "Take care of yourself, Doc."

"I will," he said. "You'll come again?"

"Of course," she said as she broke the hug. "Evil friends, remember?"

"Good, good," he said nervously, his composure faltering. "Well, uh, don't be a stranger."

"You got it, Doctor D," Shego said. "Well, I should probably be going …"

"Yes …"

Drakken and Shego stood in uncomfortable silence for what seemed hours but was just a brief moment before she offered a wistful smile, turned, and headed out of his room and into the corridor.

Shego strode down the hall quickly, wanting to leave behind the melancholy she was feeling in the wake of her time with Drakken. The two had gone through so much together, and, despite their agreement to remain friends, Shego knew the visit was confirmation of what she'd known, but had been reluctant to admit, for months: the Drakken-Shego team was part of the past, no less than her time as a hero in Go City or her days as a grad student pursuing an education degree. She exited the facility and walked into the parking lot. There she found Phin, who was leaning against the sports hovercar and reading a paperback.

"So, brushing up on pick-up lines?" she asked with a smirk as she sauntered up to him.

"Actually," he said, looking up from his book, "I'm reading Livy."

"You have got to be kidding me," she jibed.

"Not at all," he replied as he held up a dog-eared paperback that featured a picture of the ancient historian on its cover. "I will note, however, that Latin is the language of love."

"Latin? As in Romans? Puh-leeze," she said dismissively as she hopped into the vehicle.

"Perhaps a demonstration is in order," Phin said as he joined Shego in the hovercar. Once he was seated, he leaned over, gently placed his hands on Shego's cheeks, and drew her in for a kiss. When he was done, he smiled with satisfaction, then said, _"Veni, vidi, vici."_

When Shego had left Drakken, she had very much wanted to talk with Phin about her visit. Now, sitting in the hovercar, she decided that conversation could wait. Drakken had long been a central part of her life, but he was her past. Phin was her present – and her future. Smiling, she cocked an eyebrow. "Conquer this, Caesar," she whispered as she brought her lips to Phin's.

VII.

"Hi, Wade!" Kim said cheerfully as she opened the front door to the Possible residence and welcomed her friend in. "It's great to see you."

"Hey, Kim," he said as he entered. "Welcome home."

"Thanks," she replied with a grin, leading him to the family room. "It's good to be back."

"Yo, Wade!" Ron said as he walked into the room.

"Hi, Ron," the young genius said before he rubbed his chin and stared intently at the tow-headed college student.

"What?" Ron asked, feeling self-conscious. "My pants aren't on backwards, are they?"

"Did you get a haircut?" Wade asked.

"Uh, no," Ron said. "Though maybe I should. This cowlick …"

"I like the cowlick," Kim said. "It makes you look manly."

"Thanks, KP," Ron said. "Wait a minute. Makes me look manly? Was that a shot?"

Kim smirked. "And what if it was?"

"You'll face the Wrath of Ron!"

"Oooo!" Kim said with mock fear. "That will be so the drama!"

"Okay, fine," Ron huffed. "See if I make you any more meals. From now on it's dining hall mystery meat for you, KP."

"You wouldn't dare cut me off," she said.

Ron shrugged his shoulders. "Hey, Rondo plays for keeps."

"Fine," she said, arching an eyebrow. "You cut me off from your spankin' cooking, and I'll just have to cut you off from your supply of Five Alarm—"

"I surrender! I surrender!" Ron said hurriedly, holding up his hands in a gesture of placation.

Kim smiled triumphantly, then patted the place next to her on the couch. After Ron sat down, she ran her hands through his hair. "If it makes you feel better, I do think the cowlick's cute."

"Thanks," he said softly, leaning in for a kiss. Which, to his disappointment, was spoiled by Wade's theatrically loud coughing. Abashed, Kim and Ron looked at their friend, who was smiling.

"Sorry," a blushing Kim said, knowing that once again she and her boyfriend, ready to smack lips, had completely forgotten that Wade was present.

"It's okay," Wade said before he took a deep breath. "I have to admit, I'm actually going to miss it."

"What are you talking about?" Kim said.

Wade looked at his shoes, then the wall, then the fireplace. Finally, he forced himself to look at his two closest friends. "Orrin Dorr asked me to become Chief Technology Officer for Macrohard. He offered me—"

"Badical!" Ron interjected with a fist pump.

Wade was about to respond to Ron's burst of enthusiasm when Kim embraced him. "I'm so ferociously proud of you," she said.

"Really?" Wade asked. He was sure that Kim and Ron would be upset with him for leaving the team.

"So really," she said.

"You're not angry?" he asked, seeking reassurance.

"No, Wade," Kim said with a reassuring, yet wry, smile before adding, "Relying on the Tweebs for tech support, however, is going to be so the drama."

"Man, this is so cool!" Ron said. "The Wadester's going to be a corporate kahuna."

"It is kind of neat," Wade said. "Orrin's been a hero of mine since I took apart and reassembled my first motherboard as a toddler."

"Ah, toddlerhood," Ron said. "Good times, good times. I remember playing with the tech when I was a baby."

"Ron, if I remember your mom's story correctly, you tried to eat a vacuum tube when you were two," Kim said.

"A vacuum tube?" Wade said, unable to conceal his wonder. While he'd seen one in a museum, he'd never actually touched one.

"Yeah, my dad was trying to build a computer," Ron explained. "He thought semiconductors were a passing fad."

Kim rolled her eyes, then turned her attention to her former tech guru. "Will you be able to bring Jim and Tim up to speed before you start your job?"

"Sure," he said. "In fact, I'll still be able to help out now and then, and I'll definitely be able to get you the latest tech. We can start with the Kimmunicators. I've been wanting to upgrade them for a while now."

"You really do rock, Wade," she said fondly.

"In quadraphonic stereo," Ron added.

"Thanks, guys," he said. "You're the best."

"Um, yeah, just one thing," Ron added as he began to rub his neck.

"What is it?" Wade

"Now that you're a corporate muckety-muck, you think you can get me the latest Zombie Mayhem cheat codes?"

"Ron!" Kim said sharply.

"Hey, Felix is still kicking my biscuit, and it vexes me so!"

Wade grinned. "I'll see what I can do."

VIII.

Will Du was convinced that his wayward brother was behind the recent spate of art thefts, and he was determined to take him down. Betty Director, given her own sibling rivalry issues, readily gave her number one agent carte blanche to bring Phin to justice.

Wearing night vision goggles, Will was now prowling the darkened precincts of the Louvre. He had little respect for Team Impossible – to his thinking, they were even worse than amateurs; their arrest by the French authorities proved that they were incompetent – and he was sure that he would find clues that they had overlooked during their recent so-called investigation.

But the reserved, uber-competent agent also sought something else: his brother, who he suspected might strike again. While common sense would dictate that no thief would be so bold as to raid the same museum twice in such a short period of time, Will knew that his twin was nothing if not bold and that he would savor the opportunity to brazenly do the unexpected as he'd done so many times before.

Will continued his inspection, jogging up the grand Daru staircase towards the sculpture of Winged Victory. He ignored the ancient sculpture, then turned right and passed through Rooms 1 and 2 and into the Salon Carré where he passed by Giotto's beautiful altarpiece.

Will regretted that he did not have time to appreciate the master's handiwork or any of the other treasures that surrounded him. While he was a dedicated, driven professional, he also appreciated fine art and very much enjoyed visiting museums. Cultural enrichment, he mused, would have to wait for another visit.

He made his way into the Square Room and then entered the Great Gallery, the seemingly endless corridor bedecked with Renaissance masterworks. He scanned the walls, making sure that none of the art was missing, and was relieved when he saw Mantegna's _St. Sebastian_ and Messina's _Il Condottiero_ hanging in their accustomed places. The latter painting was a particular favorite of Will's, who was drawn to the determined visage of the soldier for hire, a capable man who clearly took his work seriously. The GJ agent allowed himself a moment to look at the picture. It was then that he sensed movement further down the Gallery. It was fleeting and fast, but it was unmistakable.

Confident that he was not alone, he began his silent pursuit, feeling the familiar adrenaline rush of a hunter who has located his prey and is sure of the kill. He quickly made his way, ignoring the honor guard of long dead Italian grandees in their gilt frames, and headed towards Room 6. Will allowed himself a satisfied grin when he saw his quarry turn into the gallery from which the _Mona Lisa_ had been stolen – the room was a dead-end with only one point of entry. He picked up his pace, yet took care to ensure his approach remained silent so he could surprise the intruder, who he was sure was his brother. It wasn't long before he caught up with the unauthorized nocturnal visitor.

To say Will Du was stunned would be an understatement.

He had fully expected to find himself confronting Phin.

Phin, however, did not dress like a ninja.

Nor, unless he had undergone an epic identity crisis requiring radical surgery, was Phin a woman.

And, most tellingly, Phin had never, ever returned something he had stolen.

Will was about to tell the unexpected intruder to back away from the _Mona Lisa_, which sat on the floor, propped up against the freestanding wall on which it was usually displayed, when she turned and bowed.

Instinctively, he replied in kind, an action he quickly regretted, as the stranger's foot connected with his jaw.

_To Be Continued …_


	12. Chapter 12

Thanks to neithan, daccu65, Mr. Wizard, whitem, campy, daywalkr82, screaming phoenix, Josh84, Comet Moon, Kwebs, noncynic, Quathis, CajunBear73, Drakonis Aurous, Danny-171984, Molloy, MaceEcam, TexasDad, and Michael Howard for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Thanks to campy for proofreading this chapter.

Leave a review and I'll send a response.

KP © Disney

* * *

I.

Yori was sure that she was alone and confident that she'd successfully evaded the museum's security measures. But then she heard the feather-light footsteps approaching, and experience told her that someone was now just feet behind her. She knew of only two people who were capable of sneaking up on her, and one of them was now dead while the other was back in Japan feeding a school of hungry ninja trainees. She ruefully added a third person to that select cohort.

For a fleeting moment Yori wondered if her stealthy companion was either Ron or Kim, but she quickly dismissed the idea: neither had any reason to approach her in such a manner. Professional that she was, the ninja acknowledged that someone had followed and successfully cornered her without being detected and decided to do the only thing she could do under such circumstances: she turned to the stranger and bowed.

As anticipated, her unexpected action surprised her pursuer. What she hadn't counted on – and considered to be an instance of great good fortune – was the stranger's reflexive bow in return. Recognizing an opportunity, she kicked straight up, driving her foot into the man's jaw, and sent him sprawling.

It was then that she recognized her victim: Phin Du.

She was at a loss as to why he was in the museum wearing a Global Justice uniform and wondered about that for a moment. Unfortunately for her, she was about to learn that those were moments she didn't have to spare.

II.

"You want me to do what?" Wally sputtered.

"You heard me," Bonnie said, her tone that of a parent speaking to an especially dull child.

"But they're men … and I'm a man … and … and …"

"Would you have any problem if it were me coming on to a bunch of female guards?"

"Well, no," Wally said, immediately regretting his honesty.

"Why?" Bonnie asked, her arms crossed over her chest. Her failure to immediately lash out told Wally he was probably being led into a trap. Unfortunately, he could discern neither its form nor location. "Well?" she demanded.

"Because it's different," he said lamely.

"How so?" she asked.

"Because it is," he said as beads of sweat began to form on his forehead.

"Because it is why?" she asked sharply.

"Just because," he said, gulping as Bonnie glowered at him.

As the brunette continued to stare at him, the young pretender became increasingly uneasy. "Fine!" he finally blurted out as he folded like a deck of cards beneath her hostile gaze. "It's because with two girls it's hot and with two men it's …" He shuddered.

"No different," Bonnie interjected.

"It most certainly is!" Wally said indignantly.

"How so?" she asked. "We're talking about two people of the same sex getting all hot and heavy, right?"

"Yes, but, but …" Wally stammered.

"So it's okay for two women to lock lips but not two guys," she sneered. "You men are all, like, such hypocrites."

"We are not," Wally said haughtily. "I just have different standards."

"You mean double standards," Bonnie snarked.

"I don't care what you say," Wally said, his arms crossed and his jaw set. "I am not going to flirt with a man."

"Fine," Bonnie said. "Then you can say goodbye to your precious yacht and helicopter and castles and the incredible hotness that is me."

"What do you mean? You can't go anywhere. You're a prisoner, too!"

"That doesn't mean I have to let you kiss me. I'm going on strike."

"You wouldn't dare!"

"I would," Bonnie said as she walked away, wiggling her hips suggestively to torment the deposed prince.

Wally gulped. He knew that Bonnie was manipulative and mean. But she was also incredibly attractive. Being deprived of her charms was something he didn't want to contemplate. "Fine," he relented. "I'll do it."

"Good," Bonnie said triumphantly. "I think you should talk to the guard in that museumy part of the castle, you know, with all those pictures of dead guys wearing wigs."

"You mean the Picture Gallery," Wally said. "And those are my ancestors."

"Whatever," Bonnie said dismissively. "That guard seems kind of lonely."

"This had better be worth it," Wally groused.

"Oh, it'll be worth it," Bonnie purred as she wrapped her arms around the prince's neck and brushed her lips across his. "I promise it."

III.

"You took that pretty well, KP," Ron said as he gently played with a lock of his girlfriend's hair.

Kim, who had her head in her BF's lap, looked up. "What do you mean?"

"Wade leaving the team," he said.

"It's no big," she said casually.

"Really?"

Kim nodded, then sat up. "Really," she said. "Wade's growing up. We all are."

"Yeah, I know, but this just seems so big, so end of the line, so …"

"I know what you mean," Kim said as she stayed Ron's litany by placing a finger on his lips. "But things change."

"Maybe," Ron said. "But change tanks."

"Not always," she countered. "We changed from best friends to lovers."

Ron blinked at Kim. "Wow. You've never called me that before."

Kim shrugged – and smiled seductively. "I guess we've moved beyond being just BF and GF."

"So what does that mean?"

"More Essential Ronness for me," she said with a leer that turned into something far sterner and much less amorous as she sat up and added, "And more honesty between the two of us."

"You're still tweaked about my grades, aren't you?"

"So tweaked. And about BB," she said. Then she took his hands in hers. "I love you, Ron, and I want to help you."

"But I thought you said you wouldn't do my homework!" Ron replied.

Kim rolled her eyes. "Hello! I can help with the restaurant so you have more time to do your homework. And have a little fun, too."

"Look," he said. "I know you're smart and you can do anything, but the boat can't sail with too many chefs in the kitchen."

"Meaning?" she asked, her eyebrow arched.

Ron gulped. "Well, you kind of like to run things …"

Kim crossed her arms. "You think if you let me help you with BB, I'll try to take over."

Ron replied by rubbing the nape of his neck nervously.

"Would you like to know what's been one of the most valuable learning experiences for me this year?" she asked.

"Uh, sure," Ron said.

"Cheerleading."

"Okay, you've lost me."

"Where am I in the pyramid?"

"The bottom," he said. "Which, I would add, vexes me since you are without doubt the most bon-diggity, babelicious cheerleader in the history of Middleton College."

"You know what? I think I'll keep you around," she said, giving him a buss on the cheek, then continuing in a more serious tone. "Ron, I'm at the bottom because I'm a first year student. I know this is going to sound big-heady, but I know I'm the best cheerleader on the squad. The other girls know it, too."

"Then why aren't you captain?"

"Because it's not my turn," Kim said. "And you know what? I'm okay with the sitch."

"Really?"

Kim nodded. "I wasn't at first …"

Ron recalled how tetchy his girlfriend was after those first practices at the beginning of the school year. Wisely, he refrained from saying anything, knowing she had raised the issue for a reason.

"… But I realized that there was something more important than being in charge, and that was the squad being the best it could be. For that to happen, everybody had to get along and have a good time."

"So you took one for the team."

"It's actually no big," she said with a wave of the hand. "Tracey's turned out to be a ferociously good leader, and it's good for me to remember what it's like to be at the bottom. It will make me a better captain if I get a chance to lead the squad."

"Don't you mean 'when'?"

"The captain's chosen by the squad – and thanks to a certain best friend I've learned not to take elections for granted," she said wryly.

"Yeah …" Ron agreed nervously, hoping his girlfriend wasn't about to work herself up over his abandonment of her in favor of her royal rival during their sophomore year.

Kim watched her BF squirm for a few seconds. Satisfied he remained sufficiently contrite for his long-ago transgression, she said reassuringly, "It's okay. I forgave you for that a long time ago."

"Whew," Ron said, relaxing.

"Just don't do it again," she said impishly, smiling as he tensed. "Gotcha," she added with a wink. The she placed her hands on his shoulders and looked him in the eye. "Ron, let me help you with BB. I could be your, well, business sidekick. Make copies, run papers down to city hall, help you prep for zoning board hearings …"

"I don't know, KP," he said. "You're not sidekick material. Partner maybe."

To his surprise, she shook her head in disagreement. "Maybe in the future I can be your partner. For now, I want to be your sidekick. You were willing to be mine in saving the world."

"That's because I'm da master of distraction," Ron said jauntily. "Besides, you're a much better hero than I am."

"That may have been true in the past, but it's not true anymore, Hero Boy. There's a reason you've been my partner since the Diablo sitch. You earned it. Let me earn this. Besides," she continued with a sly grin, "one of the other things I've learned over the past few months is that it can be nice to let someone else be in charge. It gives me a chance to … marinate."

"Why do I feel like I'm being played?" Ron asked.

"Do you have a problem with that?" Kim replied as she once again laid her head in Ron's lap.

"Nah," he said. "The Ronster may need better gradage but he's smart enough to know when to surrender. Sidekick it is."

"Spankin'," Kim said.

"Hey," he said brightly, "since I'm the boss, I guess that means I can tell you to do my homework …"

Kim gave Ron a look that made the hair on the back of his neck stand up on end. "Don't push it."

"Gotcha," Ron said. "Copying and zoning boards it is."

"Smart boss," Kim said before she wrapped her arms around Ron's neck, pulled him down and brought his lips to hers.

IV.

Will was surprised that his assailant had not departed after taking him down. But he was grateful, too, as it afforded him the opportunity to atone for his earlier lapse. He quickly brought up his wrist and fired his stun watch at the black-clad woman. Much to his consternation, she jumped out of the way and evaded his shot. Still, the GJ agent had time to jump to his feet, ensuring that the intruder would not be able to escape unchallenged.

Will dropped into a defensive crouch and waited for his opponent to make her move. She responded by mirroring his action, assuming a battle stance, waiting for her adversary to attack. Will looked at the ninja evenly. He was willing to wait as long as necessary for her to make the first move, knowing that the one who struck first under these conditions would be ceding an important advantage. She apparently knew this too, for, rather than act, she held her position and remained perfectly still.

Finally, the ninja cocked her head. "You are not Phin Du," she observed.

Will arched an eyebrow. He wondered what dealings this woman had had with his wayward brother.

"You are his brother, Will," she added neutrally.

"I am," he answered in a similarly cool manner.

The ninja removed her mask and bowed again. "Then I must apologize for attacking you."

"Your apology is accepted," he said.

"_Domo,"_ she said.

"And now I must inform you that you are under arrest."

"May I ask why?"

"You are in possession of stolen property," he said, pointing to the _Mona Lisa_.

"You are aware that the painting was stolen by your brother?" she replied.

Will nodded grimly.

"The theft was perpetrated on behalf of my late grandfather," she explained. "I am merely restoring the painting to its rightful owners – and thus restoring the honor of both of our families."

"A most interesting perspective on your actions," Will observed. "One that does not address the matter of your unauthorized, after-hours entry into the museum. You could always have brought the painting in during business hours."

"True," Yori said. "But the only way I could return the artwork with a minimum of attention was to gain access to the gallery after the museum had closed. However, you are correct. I have broken the law," she said with a slight bow of the head. "It would appear that you have me – how do you Americans put it? – dead to rights." A serene expression on her face, she extended her wrists. "It would be my honor to be arrested by you."

Will knew his duty: apprehend the intruder, ensure the security of the missing artwork, and file a report to his superiors. It was, after all, what was expected of a Top Agent. He looked at the painting, then at the young woman.

"I believe there may be another course of action open to us," he said, surprising himself.

"Oh?" Yori asked.

"Yes," Will said as he approached her and took her hand in his. "Might I interest you in dinner after I finish my rounds? I know of a most agreeable bistro in the Seventh Arrondissement."

Yori considered the Global Justice agent, then bowed. "It would be my honor to dine with you, Du-san," she said.

"Excellent," he said.

"Before we go, will you help me hang the picture?" she asked, gesturing to the _Mona Lisa_.

"It would be my honor," he said without a hint of irony.

V.

Bonnie looked up from her nails to see an incensed Wally standing before her.

"The nerve of that man!" he fumed.

"Someone a bit too receptive to your come on?" she asked as she continued to apply polish.

"No!" he snapped. "He turned me down!"

Her attention fully engaged, Bonnie looked up to the deposed prince. "And you're, like, upset?" she asked, completely befuddled.

"Well, wouldn't you be?" he huffed.

"I thought you didn't like the idea of being with a man," she said.

"I loathe it," he replied. "But look at me! How could that commoner spurn my advances? I'm a prince! A royal stud muffin! A—"

"Delusional little twerp," a deep basso voice intoned.

"Rodrigo!" Wally said nervously.

"It's Ernesto," the man said coolly as he shut the door behind him and advanced on Wally. "Now tell me, what's your game?"

"Game? Game?" Wally sputtered. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Ernesto sneered at Wally, then turned to Bonnie. "Is he always this pathetic?"

Bonnie shrugged. "Only on his good days."

"Bon Bon!" Wally protested, only to be met with her upraised hand.

"Shut up, Wally," she ordered. Then she turned her attention to the visitor. "What do you want?"

The man looked around furtively and then looked Bonnie in the eye. "The same thing you want: power."

"Well, get in line," she said caustically.

"Or behind you," he said.

"Oh?" Bonnie said.

"Yes," he replied. "I can help you achieve your goals."

"And what would those be?" she asked.

"You want to regain control of the country," he said. "I can help you."

"For a price," she added.

Ernesto nodded. "The Army. I want to be the commander."

Bonnie looked at Ernesto with interest. He was tall, good looking, had a strong jaw and a full head of hair. She thought it was a pity that he was gay – it would have been fun to see him glisten. She set that thought aside, however, and considered Ernesto. Bonnie grinned – for while she knew nothing about military affairs or strategy, she knew all about appearances. And Ernesto looked like a soldier's soldier. He might prove to be a dud on the battlefield but he'd be a star on television.

"Done," Bonnie said, extending her hand.

"What?" Wally shrieked. "A member of the royal family has always led the armed forces!"

"Times change, Wally," Bonnie said, her tone making clear that her decision was firm and final.

"Fine, you can have the Army," he sighed with resignation. "But I insist that I get my yacht back!"

"I'm not sure that will be possible," Ernesto said.

"Why?" Wally demanded.

"Humberto."

"Humberto?"

"Another of the guards. He's willing to join us as long as he gets to be Admiral of the Fleet."

"But we don't have a Navy!"

"Actually, we do," Ernesto said. "If your yacht is the fleet."

"This is an outrage!" Wally said. "I refuse!"

"Then I guess I'll have to tell the knights what you're up to," Ernesto said with a shrug.

"You wouldn't dare," Wally said, horrified.

"Yes, I would," Ernesto replied. "We either all get what we want or you get nothing."

"But I love that yacht …" Wally whined.

"Give it up," Bonnie said. "Your stupid boat is so unimportant. If you want to go out on the water you can ride the ferry."

"The ferry! That's for the little people!"

"Deal," Bonnie ordered. "I want out of here and if your toys are the price we have to pay, then so be it."

"You're heartless," Wally sulked.

"Which is way better than you being hottieless," she retorted.

"Fine," Wally groused.

"So, we have a deal then?" Ernesto asked.

"Yes," Bonnie said. "Now here's what I have in mind …" she said as she began to outline her plan.

Ernesto nodded approvingly. "All of this will take time," he observed.

"Yes, well, thanks to those dorks of Rhodegan I've got lots of that," she said acidly.

"True," Ernesto agreed. He turned to leave, then looked back at Bonnie and the prince. "Just one more thing."

"Yes?"

"It's Alberto. He'll also help …"

"Good."

"… For a price."

Wally began to twitch. "What does he want?"

"The Maserati …"

Wally was about to protest when he saw the expression on Bonnie's face. "Oh, snap," he grumbled. "He can have it. At least I still have the go carts."

"About that …"

VI.

"Pick you up for breakfast at eight?" Ron asked Kim as they stood before her dorm. She grinned as her BF tried, unsuccessfully, to stifle a yawn. They'd returned to campus later than expected, not having planned on dinner with their families, Rufus, and Rufina. While the meal and company were appreciated, the two students were tired after their long journey and eventful adventure and were happy to be back on campus.

"Sounds like a plan," she said, taking his hands in hers.

"The Rondo's all about plans," he said.

"Spankin'," she replied. "As long as they involve me."

"Hey, Ron Stoppable may be flunking all of his classes, but he's not dumb enough to leave out his bon-diggity girlfriend."

"Good," she said, kissing him on the lips. "Keep it that way. Except for the flunking part," she said as she gave him another kiss. "We are so going to change that." Then she embraced him.

"Man, that feels good," he said.

"So good," she agreed. Then she yawned. "Well, I guess I'd better turn in."

Ron kissed her on the forehead and pulled away. "Keep the dreams sweet and real, KP."

"I will," she said as she opened the front door to her building. "See you tomorrow," Kim added with a wave as she went in. She closed the door behind her and walked down the corridor. When she arrived at her room, she suppressed a groan. The last person she wanted to see at this late hour was Ashley; however, her desire to sleep was greater than her wish to avoid her snarky roommate. Since she didn't have a key, she activated the Kimmunicator, which she was able to use to trip the electronic security lock to her room. She turned the knob and opened the door.

"Hey!" Ashley protested. "Do you mind?"

"Actually, I do," a very tired Kim said as she walked in, not caring that her roommate was in the midst of an intense lip-smacking session with a member of the football team. "Time to go, Bobby. You've been intercepted."

"Aw, come on," the large boy whined. "This was just getting good. I was just getting to the red zone."

"Now," Kim said sternly as she pointed toward the door. "Consider yourself benched."

"You know, you're as tough as Coach," he grumbled as he disentangled himself from Ashley, got up, and left.

"Was that really necessary?" Ashley asked after Bobby had departed.

"Newsflash, Ashley, this is a double. As in two people, one of whom is not your BF du jour, live here."

"At least I have a BF."

Kim groaned. "I am so not in the mood for this."

"I bet you didn't say that to Shego," Ashley said with a knowing smirk.

"Excuse me?" Kim said as she opened her desk drawer and pulled out her prom picture.

"You've been gone for days. I'll bet you and Shego were going at it the whole time."

Kim rolled her eyes. "I was so not 'going at it' with Shego. I was with Ron."

"Sure, whatever you say," she said dismissively. "You and Ron. Away. Together."

"Hello? Boyfriend, remember?" Kim said as she held up the photograph, sounding more defensive than she preferred, frustrated that she could beat supervillains on a regular basis but had so much trouble dealing with one attitude-challenged co-ed.

"Don't you mean 'distraction'?" Ashley sniped. "And didn't you two supposedly have a fight? Probably because he's tired of covering up for you."

"You are so flawed," Kim growled,

"Better than being in denial," Ashley retorted as she turned over on her side, pulled up her blanket, and turned off her light.

_To Be Continued …_


	13. Chapter 13

My thanks to campy, captainkodak1, Mr. Wizard, screaming phoenix, daywalkr82, whitem, Comet Moon, Drakonis Aurous, Quathis, Katsumara, CajunBear73, Josh84, waveform, Sentinel103, noncynic, Kwebs, Danny-171984, Molloy and TexasDad for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Leave a review and I'll send a response.

Special thanks, as always, to campy for proofing this chapter.

KP © Disney

* * *

I.

James Possible, who had just dropped Kim and Ron off on campus, piloted his car back into the garage, where he found Jim and Tim giving his old Roth SL coupe the once-over.

"She's a beaut, isn't she?" he said as he joined his sons. "My very first car. They sure don't make them like this anymore."

Jim and Tim exchanged glances and resisted the urge to say "And that's a good thing, too!" The two boys watched with interest as their father lovingly ran his hand along the jalopy's contours.

"So, Dad, about the Kimminator …" Jim said.

"We'd like to build a new one, but, well we're kind of tapped out," Tim added.

"And you're hoping that I'll let you trick out the Sloth for Kim?" he said, looking at them knowingly.

"Yeah," the boys said in unison.

"Well, I guess it's for a good cause," James said as he patted the old beater's hood, showing a level of affection he usually reserved for his wife, cutting-edge rocket technology, and the three episode "Good and Evil" _Captain Constellation_ arc.

"Hicka bicka boo!" Jim said.

"Hoosha!" Tim added, exchanging a high five with his brother. "The Kimminator Mark II is going to blow the Kimminator away."

"What is it, Dad?" Jim asked when he saw the wistful expression on his father's face.

"Nothing," the older man said. "It's just the Sloth was my first car. Calling it the 'Kimminator,' as much as I love your sister, just doesn't seem right."

The two boys looked at one another and grinned. "How about 'Sloth, Version 2.0'?" Jim asked.

James gazed at the broken-down vehicle, then smiled. "You know, I always wondered what it would be like to fit her out with solid fuel rocket boosters …"

II.

Kim frowned as she looked at her watch: it was 8:20 AM and Ron still hadn't arrived. Making matters worse, he hadn't answered her calls, either.

"It's okay," Ashley said. "You can stop pretending that you're actually involved with that loser."

Kim was about to respond when someone knocked on the door. "Come in," she called out.

"Hola!" Ron said jauntily as he walked in. Seeing the vexed look on Kim's face he quickly added, "Sorry I'm late, KP, but …"

"Oh, look, it's the faux boyfriend," Ashley sniped.

"What's she talking about?" Ron asked Kim. "How can I be your foe if I'm your boyfriend? Isn't that an oxymoron?"

"Not _foe_, Ron," Kim said. " _Faux_: As in fake. She still thinks you're my pretend BF."

"Man, not another school word," Ron complained as an unfamiliar man followed him into the room.

"Uh, hello," Kim said to the unannounced visitor.

"Kim Possible!" the well-dressed stranger said as he extended his hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you. Ronald's said great things about you."

"Thanks," she said, confused. "Ron, you care to sitch me?"

"Ooops, my bad," he said sheepishly. "KP, allow me to introduce Martin Smarty, the CEO and incredibly amazing founder of Smarty Mart."

"Don't tell me that Frugal Lucre has struck again," Kim groaned. She so wasn't in the mood to deal with budget villains.

"Nope," Ron said enthusiastically. "I've been having a power breakfast with my main man, Mr. Smarty."

"I see," Kim said coolly, her arms crossed. "I thought we were going to have breakfast today."

"Yeah, about that," Ron said, rubbing the back of his neck. "You see…"

"Miss Possible, my apologies," Smarty interjected. "But I'm a busy corporate mogul and this was the only time I could fit Ronald into my schedule today."

"Wait a minute. _You_," an incredulous Ashley said, pointing at Smarty before she pointed at Ron, "wanted to meet _him_?"

"That's right," Smarty said. "Tell her, son."

"Mr. Smarty wants to buy the Badical Burrito!" Ron exclaimed.

"No way," a stunned Kim said.

"Way!" Ron and Smarty exclaimed simultaneously.

"Jinx, you owe me a soda," Smarty said.

"Aw, come on, not you, too," Ron whined.

"You have to move quickly if you want to make it to the top, son."

"Okay, wait a minute," Kim said. "Would someone mind giving me the 411?"

"During a trip to Middleton last spring I had a hankering for some Tex Mex," Smarty said. "I thought I was out of luck because Bueno Nacho had been flattened, but my driver told me that I needed to try the Badical Burrito. It was dee-lish. Fast forward to now. I realized that if Smarty Mart is going to offer a true 24/7 shopping experience, we need to be able to feed people, 24/7. Enter Ronald."

"Mr. Smarty wants to put BB in every store!" Ron said. "We're going big time, KP!"

"Wow," Kim said before her brow furrowed.

"What's wrong, Kim?" Ron asked.

"Don't get me wrong, Ron. This is ferociously good news."

"There's a 'but' coming, isn't there?"

Reluctantly, Kim nodded. "How are you planning to manage this and school?"

"That's easy," Smarty said. "He won't."

"Excuse me?" Kim asked.

"Mr. Smarty wants to buy me out," Ron said. "There won't be anything to manage but some Claude."

"Well, there will be a little bit more than that since I hope to retain Ronald as a consultant," Smarty noted. "Who knows what else the inventor of the Naco might cook up next?"

Kim stared at her boyfriend, speechless.

"So, what do you think?" Ron asked. "I told Mr. Smarty that I had to check with you, seeing how you're my business sidekick and all that."

Kim responded by throwing her arms around him and pulling him into a fierce embrace.

"I'll take it you're down with the plan?" Ron squeaked.

"That's such the understatement," Kim replied. "I'm so proud of you."

"Excellent," Smarty said before he looked at his watch. "Well, I have to run off to some meetings in Upperton. Why don't I come by around five and we'll fly to New York to celebrate?"

"Badical!" Ron said. "We're going to par-tay in the Big Apple!"

"Ron," Kim cautioned, "You have English Lit and Japanese tomorrow. I am so not letting you go to class unprepared."

"No need to worry," Smarty said. "I have a hypersonic aircraft with a fully equipped office on board. You and Ronald can do your homework en route."

Ron looked expectantly at Kim.. "Okay, you're on," she said as she relented. "But no in-flight games or movies."

"Yea-hey!" Ron cheered as he thrust up his arms.

"Well, I'll see you two later," Smarty said as he turned and walked out the door, looking at his watch. "Time to find out what the Dickens is going on with our wildebeest supplier."

The two teen heroes waved goodbye as the box-store mogul departed. Then Ron slipped his arm around Kim's waist and she reciprocated. She grinned impishly at him, pulled him in close and brought her lips to his.

"Ugh," Ashley said when Kim released a goofily grinning Ron. "Do you mind?"

"Sorry, just giving my fake BF a fake kiss. Have to keep up appearances," Kim said playfully before she looked at Ron. "So, you still up for escorting your fake GF to breakfast?"

"The Ronster can never have enough breakfast," he said, extending his arm. "Especially if it's with his badical faux girlfriend."

Kim, feeling a measure of peace she'd not before experienced around her roommate, smiled serenely at the obviously irked girl and took Ron's arm, letting him escort her out of the room.

"So, KP," Ron said as they left the dorm and stepped out into the quad. "About the show we just gave Ashley …"

Kim looked at Ron. "Surprised you with the aggressive PDA, did I?"

"Uh, yeah," he said. "Not that the kiss wasn't amazing, but …"

"It just wasn't me?" she offered.

"Yeah," he agreed. "Unless you count the time you were moodulated and that really didn't count."

"Wrong," she said. "That one so counted. I just didn't know it at the time."

"Does that mean that, and not the prom, was our first kiss?"

"Actually, I like to think of them as both being first kisses. Along with the time I kissed you in Drakken's escape pod at the North Pole."

"Okay, I may not have the Wade Load math skills, but how can you have three first kisses?"

"Did you forget the motto?" she said as she led him to a large oak and sat down on the grass..

"So you're saying that if you planted one of those bon-diggity five-alarm KP kisses on me right now it could also be a first kiss?" Ron asked as he settled in by Kim's side, enjoying the shade of the old tree..

"Exactly," she said. "After all, I can do anything."

"I think you may have to prove it," he said with a challenging grin.

Not wanting to be accused of being unjustifiably boastful, Kim did just that.

"Okay, point proved," a goofily grinning Ron said when they were done lip smacking.

Kim smiled triumphantly, then leaned against his shoulder. "I think you've figured out that Ashley is ferociously annoying."

"Ron Stoppable's mad fu detection skills might have picked up on that," he said as he began to caress Kim's cheek.

She looked up and quirked an eyebrow. "Mad fu detection skills, huh?"

"Hey, I've got gifts," he said with an exaggerated shrug.

Kim snorted, then took Ron's hand in hers. "I had a reminder this weekend," she said.

"That Monkey Fist is five hundred miles of bad road?"

"Well, yes, but that's not what I was thinking of," she said. "We've been together so long, been through so much, that it's easy to take what we have for granted."

"Huh. I guess I've been doing some of that lately," Ron said, looking at his shoes.

"Don't harsh on yourself," she said softly as she took his hands in hers. "We both have. The important thing is we never let ourselves forget how special what we have really is."

"Sounds good to me, Kimbo. But what's this got to do with your rotten roomie?"

"You remember what you said about me and the academic food chain last week?"

Ron nodded.

"You were right," she said. "And it really bugged me."

"What? That I was right?" he asked.

"No," Kim said as she shot her boyfriend a look; he responded with a teasing grin, which earned him a playful swat on the arm. "You goof. I bugged that I was obsessing. I mean, why should I care what some self-important professor or stuck-up classmate thinks of me?"

"You shouldn't," Ron said. "But you said it yourself. You can do anything, which includes letting some jerk get under your skin."

"Exactly," Kim said. "But I can also choose not to."

"And smacking lips with me in front of the Ashmeister was your way of doing that."

"Exactly," she said.

"So does this mean you're only going to kiss me when you've got a point to make?" Ron gibed.

"I so don't think so," Kim said as she cupped his face in her hands and kissed him.

III.

"I'm telling you, that's not him," Jenkins said.

"But the scan's positive," Chao replied. "It just doesn't make any sense."

The two perplexed GJ agents were huddled over a monitor, absorbed by the mystery before them, and so didn't hear Betty Director's approach.

"And just what do you find so absorbing?" she asked, startling the two operatives.

"This, ma'am," Jenkins said, indicating the image on the screen. It was of a fellow operative sauntering down a corridor, whistling show tunes.

"Very interesting," she observed.

"I think he's a new generation synthodrone," Jenkins offered.

"I'm telling you, it's mind control," Chao countered.

Betty Director shook her head. "It's neither," she said as she looked at the live video feed of Will Du practically skipping through GJ headquarters.

"Then what's going on, ma'am?" Chao asked.

"I'm not at liberty to say, Ms. Chao, though I do have a theory," Director answered.

"Is he okay?" Jenkins asked.

"Yes, I believe he is," Director said as she watched her Number One Agent, confident that there was only one explanation for Will Du's unaccustomed behavior: he appeared to be in love.

IV.

"I see that your mission was a success," Master Lunch Lady observed. "More tea?" she asked Yori as she picked up the delicate bone-china teapot.

"_Domo_," the young ninja replied. She and the old woman knelt on a tatami mat in the new sensei's quarters. "The mission was indeed a success. The painting has been returned and my grandfather's honor has been restored."

"You have done Yamanuchi – and your family – proud," Master Lunch Lady said.

Yori dipped her head in acknowledgment. When she looked up, she found her aged companion wearing a bemused expression. "Yes?" she asked.

The old woman sipped at her tea. "Tell me about him," she said, a twinkle in her eye.

Yori cocked an eyebrow. "You are most observant," she said, knowing it would be fruitless to dissemble to the very experienced and highly perceptive woman.

"I am ninja," she said plainly before taking another sip of her drink. "And I am a woman who has loved and been loved."

Yori smiled. "Very well then," she said. "It was quite unexpected. I met him while I was in Paris."

"While you were on your mission?"

"Yes," Yori said. "He is the brother of Phin Du."

"The dashing rogue who is romancing Shego?"

"Yes," Yori said. "Will-kun, however, is most honorable, an agent of Global Justice. He assisted me in the completion of my assignment."

"And then?"

"He asked me to dinner. He is quite charming, in his own way."

Master Lunch Lady nodded, then rubbed her chin. "Tell me, does he have a sense of humor?"

Yori hesitated. "I believe that, given time, he could develop one," she said carefully before adding with a devilish smile, "With the proper encouragement."

Master Lunch Lady grinned. "Good. Without humor, honor becomes a prison, the mission a millstone. It took a long time for your grandfather to learn that lesson. But when he did, he was a far better, far happier man – and husband," the wizened old woman said. "It is late. I should retire." Before she had risen Yori was on her feet, offering her hand, which she gratefully accepted. "As always, I have enjoyed our time together."

"I have, too," Yori said as she walked the old woman to the door and embraced her. "Good night, Grandmother.

"Good night, Little One," she said, returning the hug. "And know that I am happy for you. You deserve a good man."

"And I believe I have found one," Yori said.

V.

"Yoha, Mom, Mr. B," Ron said as he strode through the front door into his boyhood home, his girlfriend by his side. It was the Saturday following their return from Japan and they were joining his mother and her beau for lunch.

"Hi, Mrs. S, Mr. Barkin," Kim added cheerfully.

"Ronnie, Kimberly," Mrs. Stoppable said warmly as she embraced them.

"Possible, Stoppable," Barkin growled, watching with satisfaction as his former students stiffened before him. "Gotcha," he said, pleased with himself. "Good to see you, Kim, Ron," he added in a warmer voice.

The two teens stared at each other, momentarily slack jawed.

"Wait a minute," Ron said after he had recovered. "Did you just play us?"

Barkin grinned in response.

"Oh no," Ron said, gesticulating wildly. "No way. My mother's boyfriend who is my ex-teacher cannot play me in my own house. It's against the rules."

"What are you blabbering about?" Barkin asked.

"The house rules," Ron said.

"What house rules?" Barkin replied.

"My house rules," Ron answered. "Section 124, paragraph …"

Chuckling, Mrs. Stoppable led an amused Kim off to the kitchen. "Ronnie's walking so much better," she observed. "I'm so happy he doesn't need the cane anymore."

"Me too," Kim said. "Ron's becoming the monkey master not only let him save me, it pretty much healed his leg. Mom says he should be fully recovered by next fall."

Mrs. Stoppable cocked an eyebrow at Kim. "But you two will be resuming missions before then, won't you?" she asked, confident she already knew the answer to her question.

Kim beamed, looking like she had won the lottery. "Mom gave Ron the all clear. And now that he doesn't have the restaurant to manage and I've dropped a class, we'll have more time to save the world."

"Just don't overdo things," Mrs. Stoppable said.

"Don't worry," Kim said. "We still have Jim and Tim to pick up the slack."

"I thought they were taking over from Wade?"

"They are," Kim said. "But they had so much fun going on missions they insisted that they'd only run the website if I let them continue to go into the field."

"Those poor villains," Mrs. Stoppable said, eliciting a chuckle from Kim. "Would you mind carrying this out to the table?" she asked as she handed a platter to Kim.

"Not at all," she said as she took the food. "Is there anything else—"

"In your face!" Kim and Mrs. Stoppable heard Ron cry out with gusto.

"You're going down, Stoppable!" Barkin replied with equal verve.

Kim and Mrs. Stoppable, curious, set down the food and hurried out to the living room, where they found Ron and Barkin seated before the TV, playing a video game. The two women exchanged a glance and began to laugh.

"Do you mind?" Barkin asked as he furiously worked his game control. "I can't concentrate."

"Nice try, Stevie," Ron crowed as he appeared to score some points at Barkin's expense. "I own you."

"In your dreams," Barkin said.

"In your nightmares," Ron replied as he focused on the game.

_Beep Beep Be Beep._

The sound of the Kimmunicator caught the attention of everyone in the room. Mrs. Stoppable sighed, knowing the meal would have to be postponed while Barkin looked relieved, Ron looked cheated, and Kim shifted into mission mode.

"Hi guys," she said as her brothers appeared on screen, "What's the sitch?"

"You just got a hit on the site," Jim said.

"There's been a break-in at the Werner Sisters studio," Tim said.

"What are the odds?" Ron complained, receiving a sympathetic look from Kim, who had promised to take him to see the new _Exterminator_ movie that evening. "Can't they call the local cops?"

"They said something about wanting to keep this all under wraps," Jim said.

"Sorry, Ron, it's go time," Kim said as she placed her hand on his shoulder. "The Governator's going to have to wait."

"Stupid bad guys," Ron groused.

"I promise you'll get to see your movie," Kim reassured him before she returned her attention to her brothers. "Do we have a ride?

"The studio's arranged for a charter flight," Tim said. "There's a plane waiting for you at the airport."

"You two rock," Kim said as she ended the call. "Sorry to not even eat and run," she apologized to Mrs. Stoppable.

"Don't worry," Ron's mother said. "This is what you do."

"You need some backup?" Steve Barkin asked, a hungry gleam in his eye as he considered the prospect of a return to the field.

"No!" Kim and Ron said in unison, each forgetting to call 'jinx' as they hurried out the door before their old teacher could find a way to justify his addition to the team.

"That was close," Kim said when they reached the end of the walkway.

"Tell me about it," Ron agreed.

"Where's Rufus?"

"Aw man, we left him behind! He's going to be cranked."

"Maybe, but I bet Rufina will be happy to have him at home after that last mission with the Tweebs."

"True. But just to be safe, I'll pick up some cheese for him on the way home," Ron said before he scratched his head. "So, uh, any idea as to how we're supposed to get to the airport?"

Kim was about to answer when a stretch limo pulled up. "Kim Possible?" the driver inquired.

"Yes," she answered.

"I was sent by the studio," the man said as he climbed out of the car and opened the passenger door for the two heroes.

"Thanks," Kim said as she slid into the luxurious vehicle.

"I think I'm feeling better about this mission," Ron observed as he joined his girlfriend and looked around.

"So you're not too bummed about missing your movie?" she asked.

"Admittedly, not seeing the Governator kick synthobiscuit is disappointing, but the Ronster is all about coping," he said as he spotted the snack and beverage bar.

"I'm glad to hear it," Kim said with a smirk as she watched her boyfriend scarf down some pretzels.

A few minutes later, and much to Ron's disappointment as he was enjoying the car's amenities, the driver pulled onto the tarmac of Middleton International Airport. "The plane's ready to leave immediately," he announced as he pulled up next to a small corporate jet.

"Thanks," Kim said as she opened the door to the car. "You ready, Ron?"

Ron held up his hand as he finished gulping down his Slurpster. "Okay, KP," he said when he was done. "Let's hit the road. Or air."

Kim rolled her eyes, then led the way up the stairs into the airplane, where she was greeted by the pilot.

"Miss Possible," he said, "Welcome aboard."

"Thanks," she said.

"Sweet!" Ron declared as he looked around the cabin, seeing comfortable leather chairs and a couch, a very large plasma screen, and a state-of-the-art gaming console.

"The flight shouldn't be too long," the aviator said. "Once we're all strapped in I can ask the tower for clearance and we can be on our way." He then entered the cockpit, closing the door behind him.

It wasn't long before the craft was airborne and the seatbelt sign was turned off. Ron rose and headed to the video game. He was picking up a controller when he felt a strong hand grip his wrist.

"Are you sure you want to do that?" Kim asked.

"Sure?" Ron replied. "This is the latest in gaming technology and a giant screen! What else would I want to do?"

"Oh, I don't know," she said as she sat down on the couch. "Stock up on those five-alarm kisses you rave about?"

Ron grinned, dropped the controller and sat down next his girlfriend. "I'm all about the stocking up," he said.

"Smart boy," she said as she pushed him onto his back, quickly driving all thoughts of video games from his thoughts.

VI.

The high altitude make-out session was nothing more than a happy memory for Kim and Ron as the limousine pulled up in front of the studio. There, a well-dressed woman was waiting for them. The driver got out and opened the door for the two heroes, who squinted as they emerged into the bright California sunshine.

"Miss Possible, Mister Stoppable," the woman said as she extended her hand in greeting. "Welcome to Werner Sisters Studios. If you'll come this way," she said as she turned and entered the building. Kim and Ron followed her inside and down a long corridor, with Kim more than once having to pull Ron away from photos of stars and displays of memorabilia from series and movies ranging from _Space Passage_ to the _Bricks of Fury_ saga to _Scamper and Bitey._

"Here we are," the woman said when they reached the end of the hall. She opened the door and ushered the two teens into a small, well-appointed theatre with its own concession stand.

"Pretty swish," Ron said as he looked around, impressed by their surroundings. Out of habit and hunger, he approached the food counter. "Look! Jelly Jumpies!"

"Want some?" Kim asked as she joined him.

"Sure – Hey! Since when do you let me have snackage on a mission?" Ron asked.

"Snackage usually isn't part of a mission," she answered. "Today it is."

"Really?" he said, surprised.

"Really," she said.

"Coolio!" Ron said. "Can we have popcorn, too?"

"I don't know," Kim said, rubbing her chin. "We'll have to ask our host."

Ron looked around. "Hmm," he said. "I wonder where that lady went."

"Actually, Ron, she wasn't our host," Kim said as she activated her Kimmunicator. A moment later, the door opened and a very familiar Hollywood producer entered.

"Kim Possible, Ron Stoppable!" Jimmy Blamhammer boomed. "Good to see you kids again!"

"It's nice to see you again, too, Mr. Blamhammer," Kim said as the mogul pumped her arm.

"Yeah," Ron said as it was his turn to have his hand power-shaken. "Sorry about _Monkey Ninjas in Space_."

"Don't mention it," Blamhammer said with a wave of the hand. "Ever," he added, not wanting to think about _MNIS_, the big-budget disaster that was universally deemed to have out-_Waterworld_ed_ Waterworld_, a remarkable, if dubious, cinematic achievement. "So, you two ready for some movie magic?"

"Yes," Kim said. "After we get our Jelly Jumpies and popcorn."

"Excellent!" Blamhammer said as he began to retrieve the snacks. "How about a couple of sodas to go with your food?"

"Please and thank you," Kim said.

"Uh, KP, you mind telling me what's going on here?" Ron said. "Not that it isn't cool, but …"

"What does it look like?" she asked.

"Uh, we're going to see a movie?" Ron replied.

"Not just any movie!" Blamhammer said. "_Exterminator II_ in 3-D with a post-screening appearance by Ahnuld himself."

"Wait a minute. The Governator's going to be here?" Ron sputtered.

"In the flesh!" Blamhammer exclaimed. "Assuming he isn't waylaid by any cyborgs or lobbyists, Ahnuld should be here in exactly two hours and thirty-three minutes!"

"This is so cool!" Ron said giddily as he hugged Kim. "I can't believe we're going to meet Ahnuld!"

"It was no big, really" she said as she returned her boyfriend's embrace, quite pleased by his reaction. "I just called in a couple of favors. It's the least I could do for my BF, especially since he missed a premiere so he could go to that wine and cheese do with me. So, you ready to pick our seats?"

"You bet," Ron said. They sat down in the middle of the theatre and made themselves comfortable. "Man, this is badical – no tall guy to block my view!"

The lights dimmed, the overpowering theme music began and the glow of the film washed over them. Ron looked to his side and took in Kim's features. Then he leaned over, wanting to give her a kiss. She gently placed her hand on his chest, rebuffing him. "There'll be enough time for that on the flight home," she said softly.

"Ah-booyah," Ron whispered in reply. Then he draped his arm around Kim. "I assume it's okay to do this?"

"So okay," she replied as she snuggled up against him. "Now let's enjoy the movie."

"But you said no lip smacking until we go home," Ron joked, offering an exaggerated leer.

Kim shook her head in mock disgust. "You are such the bad boy, Ron Stoppable."

"Hey, I am what I is," Ron said, puckering his lips.

Kim looked at him, cocked an eyebrow, and snorted. Then she smiled warmly and met Ron for a kiss. After all, they could always watch the movie when it came out on DVD …

The End.

* * *

A/N: Unlike its predecessor Epic Sitch, which I wrote in a matter of weeks, Epic Sitch: Big Monkey on Campus has taken more than two years to complete, far longer than I ever imagined would be the case. ES:BMOC was originally intended to be a bridge to the long-rumored, now quasi-mythical, Epic Sitch Eye Eye. Along the way the story grew and other projects intervened. I am deeply grateful to all of you who have patiently followed this story to its conclusion.


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